RAVE - Serpentine

Although we've eaten here several times, this is the first time I've posted a review of Serpentine. Not because this occasion was better or worse than the others - they've all been good - but more because it's about time I gave props to a local Potrero / Dogpatch eatery that consistently delivers excellent food and a warm vibe.

At first sight, you're struck by two things - the edgy, concrete, loft-like feel, and the somewhat clangy noise that comes with the concrete, loft-like design.

Once seated (usually at the bar in my case, whether it's for food or just adult beverages) you forget the concrete and focus on relaxing.

Tuesday night, Andrew and I returned late from our day at Pebble Beach and, still looking like sun-swept golfers in our bright shirts and white pants, enjoyed cocktails and an excellent Pinot, plus hanger steak and pork belly, respectively. Everything was tickety-boo, as we (used to, years ago) say in England.

A couple of single malts on our deck at close to midnight meant we slept well that night. Nice.

REVIEW - Why Kindle beats iPad for e-reading

After spending a couple of months exercising my iPad's only real strength - web browsing - I thought I'd summarize the ways the Kindle is better than the iPad when it comes to the other reason most people buy these devices, namely reading eBooks:

1. The Kindle's eInk display is waaaay better for reading an eBook than the way-too-glossy iPad. The iPad's display might be crisp, but it's like the available gold color trim for a Camry or Lexus, or spinners on ANY wheel ... almost grotesquely over the top.

2. Weight. When reading an eBook entails holding the device at eye level for hours at a time, only weight lifters need apply when it comes to the iPad.

3. Cost. 'nuff said.

4. Idol factor. Who wants to be part of Steve Jobs' brown-nosing entourage? It's much more agreeable using a device that does the job perfectly, rather than a device that glitters in the hand but fails in its duty.

5. Advancing or navigating the pages on the Kindle doesn't require that you slather the display with suntan oil or anything else you happen to have got on your fingers.

Call me Mr. Grumpy, but using an iPad to read an eBook is like donning a black tie and morning suit to eat breakfast - unnecessary and uncomfortable.

The smart choice is shorts and a Kindle.

RANT - Things I hate about golf on TV

After the apparent glut of golf-related RAVEs, I needed to re-plant my feet on terra negativo and reveal the darker side of golf:

1. Jerks who yell "get in the hole!" after every shot heading remotely toward the green.

2. Tiger Woods' quivering bottom lip, when something doesn't go his way (e.g. when he doesn't win).

3. TV broadcasters who drone on repetitively in the studio, when there's play under way on the course. I don't give a rat's ass what Chris Berman's favorite hole is at Pebble Beach. Just show the play!

4. Chris Berman as a golf commentator. He has the presence of a wrestling commentator, and should therefore stick to Football (the US kind).

5. People who think Tiger Woods is "everyman", the perfect example of a sportsman, thereby ignoring the way he has abused his wealth and elevated position, and has arrogantly and selfishly mistreated his family.

RAVE - US Open at Pebble Beach

IBM is a sponsor and technology provider for various high-profile sporting events, including Wimbledon and The US Open Golf tournament.

Yesterday, I was lucky enough to be invited to the IBM hospitality pavilion at Pebble Beach, to view the first practice day's proceedings. If I was more important, I might have got to see the tournament itself, but one can only dream.

Our hospitality pavilion is alongside the 18th fairway, with a fabulous view of the many traps that lay waiting for golfers, and the 18th green itself. 

In perfect conditions (to which my handsomely tanned face can attest), we watched pretty much every player complete his practice round.

"Every player" that is except that serial adulterer Woods. I never liked his smug-ness, liked him even less when news escaped of his dirty deeds, and continue to dislike his born again-ness. 

"What about the bloody golf?" I hear you shout. Along with several million other viewers I'll be flipping between World Cup and US Open action over the next few days, hoping for English success in both.

RAVE - Almost perfect golf

The weather has been just a couple degrees warmer than perfect the past few days, and Gareth and I took full advantage today by thwacking some golf balls around The Presidio Golf Course.

Last time I played this course, Lawrence and I teed off in a mist so thick we couldn't see even my horizontally challenged tee shots.

No such issue today, and Gareth's first post ring-finger-length-reduction-motorcycle accident game showed maybe we should all have that same alteration, as it seemed to improve his game.

RAVE - World Cup info

On the down side, the opening games today were dull, and the 80,000 Vuvuzela blowers at the South Africa vs. Mexico game were a dismal sign of what we're going to be hearing at every other game.

On the plus side, England are going to romp home tomorrow (Saturday June 12). I hope.

Meanwhile, there's a pretty darned exhaustive roundup of World Cup information resources for your favorite device over at TechCrunch.

RAVE - How to delete your account from FB, LinkedIn and many more

There are a handful of sites worth visiting every day:

1. Popurls.com
2. Lifehacker.com
3. Gawker.com
4. Smashing Magazine

Today's edition of that final site contains an excellent review of how to remove yourself from those initially useful but eventually annoying  social sites, including Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, Flickr, Google. eBay, MySpace, Wikipedia, Windows Live, StumbledUpon, WordPress, Amazon, YouTube, and PayPal. 

If you have other recommendations for sites worth a daily look-see, let me know.

RAVE - US and UK Ambassadors bet on big game

I have eagle-eyed and stumpy-fingered Gareth to thank for spotting this in today's Yahoo Sports

We're only a couple days away from the new-age footy style Revolutionary War between the USA and England, so it's only right that both countries' diplomats partake in some light-hearted yet truthfully sharp banter centered around the big match. And maybe even place a friendly wager on the outcome. Earlier this week (right on cue), the American Ambassador to London, Louis Susman, reached out to his British counterpart, Martin Longden, stationed in Washington, D.C., to put a bet on the insanely hyped first game of Group C.

Move right this way to see their polite trash-talking email correspondences (through Ambassador Susman's email writer, Philip Breeden) and international gut-busting/liver-pickling wager in full, courtesy of the AP.

From: Philip Breeden, US Embassy London

To: Martin Longden, British Embassy Washington DC

Subject: World Cup Bet

Mr. Longden, It has not escaped our attention that a certain sporting event is fast approaching, and that our respective nations will soon be meeting on the fields of South Africa.

My Ambassador has asked me to see if your Ambassador might be interested in a small wager? We will understand if you decline, given the outcome of the last such encounter.

Sincerely, Philip Breeden, U.S. Embassy, London

________________________________

From: Martin Longden, British Embassy Washington DC

To: Philip Breeden, US Embassy London

Subject: Re: World Cup Bet

Mr. Breeden,

Even for such an exceptionally optimistic nation as the United States, I am struck by the confidence with which your Ambassador proposes this wager. It is testament, I assume, to the generosity of your great nation - since the British Ambassador does not anticipate paying out.

Your email does not specify the exact terms of the wager. May I suggest that, in the event of an England victory, the US Ambassador agrees to entertain the British Ambassador at a steak-house of his choosing in downtown DC? And in the event that the United States is able to engineer a fortuitous win over England, then my man will entertain yours at a London pub of his choosing. Loser pays.

Your reference to a previous sporting encounter between our two countries puzzles me. Since the history of English football is long and extensive, in contradistinction to US soccer, I regret that I cannot immediately recall the encounter to which you refer. No doubt it is remembered fondly on these shores; we have quite forgotten it, however.

Are you sure you want to do this?

Yours sincerely, Martin Longden British Embassy Washington DC

________________________________

From: Philip Breeden, US Embassy London

To: Martin Longden, British Embassy Washington DC

Subject: Re: World Cup Bet

Mr. Longden,

It is with great pleasure, and no small measure of anticipation, that the U.S. Ambassador accepts the terms of the wager. I am surprised, given the well known love of the British for history, that you have forgotten what happened the last time the “special relationship” was tested on the pitch. Of course, given the result, you are to be forgiven for having misplaced that particular episode in your memory banks. I refer of course to the victory of the U.S. over England in the 1950 World Cup.

It is true that our soccer (a fine English word we have kindly preserved for you) history is not as long and illustrious as yours. However, as your generals noted during WWII, we have a unique capability for quickly identifying and advancing talent.

Game on!

Sincerely, Philip Breeden

________________________________

From: Martin Longden, British Embassy Washington DC

To: Philip Breeden, US Embassy London

Subject: Re: World Cup Bet

Mr. Breeden,

Very well; it’s a bet!

Incidentally, you should know that the Ambassador takes his steak like American soccer victories - somewhat rare.

Sincerely,

Martin Longden

So if England wins, the U.S. Ambassador has to take the British Ambassador to a steakhouse "of his choosing" in downtown Washington, D.C., and if the U.S. wins, the British Ambassador has to take his American counterpart to a London pub. Loser, of course, pays.

Isn't it just so much fun when the most educated members of our nations engage in an attempt at hooligan banter? Look at all those finely formed sentences and sarcastic wit. You can almost feel the thinly repressed, wing-tipped rage. 

For what it's worth (and there's no bet on this), Amo reckons it'll be 3-1 to England, 1-1 at half-time. I'd be happier with a few more goals from England, as a nice platform to thump Algeria and Slovenia. Of course, I'm not at all biased, just so long as England win all their games.

RANT - Micmacs

And there I was congratulating myself after picking a gem (see "La Mission"). Thinking I was on a roll, we cut along yesterday afternoon to see Micmacs, the story of a Frenchman who teams up with a collection of subversive oddities (the eponymous Micmacs) in order to bring down a couple of weapons manufacturers.

Artful but dull. Clever but unfunny. Like Benny Hill with a bigger budget, and about as captivating.

I would never admit to an afternoon spent in the dark with Mrs Page as a waste of time, but there must have been dozens of better ways to spend a couple of hours.

RAVE - La Mission

This is an engrossing film about mostly Latino family life in the Mission district in San Francisco, specifically around 24th and Mission Streets.

Having lived a few blocks from there for the first 6 years after moving from London, I was naturally interested in this story from the 'hood, as was the rest of the very sympathetic audience at one of the tiny theaters at Opera Plaza.

By "sympathetic" I mean they smiled at all the romantic bits, sighed at all the heartfelt bits, laughed rather too enthusiastically at the funny bits.

All of this added to the atmosphere, rather than got in the way.

Benjamin Bratt was probably better tricked out than most of my ex-neighbors, and I never remember seeing the gorgeous low-riders he and his friends cruised around in, but the movie made me appreciate more than ever the traditional values brought into the City by families from Central and South America.

A warm and enjoyable story, and not a bit slushy. Highly recommended.

RANT - How to reset Facebook privacy to what you signed up for

The heading wouldn't win any grammar prizes, but the content is valuable nonetheless.

I always read Lifehacker's tips, and very often use them. This one is very current and much needed, seeing as everyone seems to be concerned at Facebook's attempts to own us and everything about us.

If you'd like to return your Facebook account to the state you signed up for, privacy-wise, follow these instructions.

I'm getting ready to withdraw completely from this almost total waste of space and time, but thought I'd try tightening the privacy settings for one last attempt at strangling the BS out of the experience.

Wish me luck.

RAVE - The Page Family

Two of the least inspiring towns in England made relevant and worthwhile by being home to my family. 

I really enjoy my at least annual trips to Preston and Morecambe to see my folks, enjoy sister-in-law Beverley's hospitality and, at least this time, play a few rounds of golf with my brother Lawrence.

Usually, those towns "enjoy" some of the wettest weather in England, but this time I was treated to mostly blazing sunshine.

My apologies to nephews and nieces Georgia, Leah, Rhys, Tom and Ella - the fact that I was lugging golf clubs around the world with me meant I didn't bring the usual boxes of presents. I'll make that up to you next time.

And even though they're unlikely ever to see this posting, to my mum and dad, I love you both.

REVIEW - Can you really call it a week in Rome when you don't actually see Rome?

Just got back from two weeks in Europe ... the first in "Rome", the second in the North of England. 

Trouble was, I managed to lose one night traveling to Italy, the next three nights grabbing an average of 5 hours' sleep, and spent all of that time at a Marriott Conference Hotel or the nasty Holiday Inn at which I was staying. 

Not one glimpse of Rome, not even a spire. And the conference and hotel food were a disgrace to to Italian cuisine.

We're going back to Italy - Tuscany - for vacation in August, so we'll put the food situation right, but still won't see Rome.

RANT - The Human Centipede

Cackling its way into that memorable barking mad sci-fi horror genre already occupied by The Fly, Dead Ringers, and A Zed And Two Noughts, this film employs a bunch of "actors" you've never heard of before and hopefully will never see again getting roles that, if given a second chance, they'd probably drop in favor of starring in a snuff movie, working for a Dutch director who's clearly spent too many nights in the Bulldog in Amsterdam.

Two American girls on holiday in Germany leave their broken down car in the wood (of course they do), stumble through said woods in the dark to a remote house (of course it is), only to be taken captive by an aging Nazi surgeon (who else?) who fantasizes about making a human centipede by connecting 3 adults by their gastric tracts (choke, of course he would).

Being stitched to the butt of the person in front spares us from anything more than muffled screams from the ladies, while the first portion of the centipede is played by a Chinese captive, so there's not much meaningful dialog from that end either.

And wouldn't you know it, this is the "First Section", so the film closes in suspension, with the audience barely caring what happens next.

To describe this as "utter drivel" would be doing a dis-service to Gerard Butler's entire catalog

RAVE - Robin Hood

Seeing as this dealt with the time Robin Longstride (I never knew that name) was attached to Richard the Lionheart's army in The Crusades, to the time he was declared an outlaw by the slippery King John, I guess it should have been called Robin Hood, The Prequel.

If you check imdb.com for "Robin Hood", you'll find well over 100 filmed versions of this basic story, so credit to the team making this 2010 version for turning out a totally absorbing, but who-knows-whether-any-of-it-actually-happened story.

Russell Crowe looked, but didn't really sound the part, wandering all over Great Britain with his accent, and just as I thought "aha, that was a Liverpool accent", I wondered if they would have had scousers in the 12th Century, and then his accent wandered a bit south-east. The fact that Nottingham isn't really in Northern England - it's more central, he needn't have struggled with Scouse or Manc, and just tried to sound natural middle England.

Anyhow, it was gritty and looked realistic enough, with excellent medieval castle / farmyard scenes.

The French fared badly in most of the battle scenes, which is always a bonus.

Interestingly, there were none of the archery histrionics (like, one arrow splitting another in some target competition, or splicing a sheet of parchment in a superhuman feat of accuracy, as we've seen way too often in earlier interpretations of the story), and it was better for that.

Great fun, if conquests of the pillaging and raping kind can be properly described as "fun".

Why it was necessary to have two Australians (Crowe and Blanchett, playing Robin and Marion), two Americans (including William Hurt) playing Lord Marshall and Will Scarlet, a Swede (Max von Sydow), two Canadians playing Little John and Alan A'Dale, a Guatemalan (seriously) playing King John in this quintissentially English story, and the only Englishman (Mark Strong) playing a traitor, beats me, but it all worked well enough. Surely there are enough real English outlaws available for work.

RAVE - Apple vs PC spoof

If you're pig sick of the Apple vs PC ads (either because you're an Apple fan and can't understand why anyone could possibly want a PC, or you've been using PCs successfully for decades and you've never understood how people fall for Apple's T&A appeal), this one's for you.

Mac meets PC meets Linux meets Unix meets Google, making the best comparison of its kind.

RAVE - Redd, Yountville

The 90-minute drive to Yountville in Napa Valley was well worth the ride. 

Yountville is one of those lucky, lucky towns boasting several world-class restaurants, with French Laundry, Bouchon and now Redd on that list.

Redd has a relaxing, design forward vibe, perfect for a Saturday lunch in the sun.

Unfortunately, all the open-air tables were booked, so we sat inside. It turned out not to be such a disadvantage, as inside had a very clean and calm atmosphere.

The food was spectacular. 

I chose 3 appetizers, in order to sample more dishes: I had the foie gras creations (a terrine, a pate and a mousse), the glazed pork belly (outstanding) and the crispy confit (another exquisite dish). Peter had the yellowfin tuna with avocado (mouthwatering) and the confit (you already know how good this was). Pavey had the John Dory (too little excellent John Dory and too many gritty clams), and the pork belly (still outstanding). 

All in all, a fabulous example of what I said yesterday, about Epic Roasthouse. Redd delivered small, but not too small dishes with wonderfully intense flavors. Epic focused on huge portions of less than delicious food.

I vote Redd a massive success.

REVIEW - Epic Roasthouse

We'd had lunch with the oft-mentioned in this blog Bill and Margaret a few years ago at Epic. They live in Houston and Bill was intrigued that a burger could cost $20. He duly ordered it, just to see what a $20 burger tastes like. Apparently, no better than a $10 burger in Houston.

Last night we showed up for our 8.30 pm reservation, only to be lied to by the host: "Your table is just finishing up, and should be done in 5 minutes. Why don't you have a drink at the bar upstairs, and I'll come and get you when your table's ready".

30 minutes later, we got sick of waiting, came back downstairs and wouldn't you know, the same host said "Ah, your table's just become available, let me take you to it".

-5 points for the service at Epic.

Space-wise, it's a good-looking restaurant, with just the right amount of glamor to make you feel you're in a special place.

Surprise, surprise, there's a lot of meat on the menu, although if you want fish, you don't need to go next door to Waterbar.

If, like me, you prefer smaller cuts of meat with rich, rich flavors you, like me, will not care as much for the massive 32oz Wood Oven Roasted Rib-Eye for 2. I've never subscribed to the American notion that everything is better if it's in a giant size. What we got was 16oz of fat-covered bone, and 16oz of decent but unspectacular rib-eye.

Peter, our friend over from the UK, was very happy with the steak, and Mrs P enjoyed her lamb chops despite them tasting too much of the wood oven.

However, for me it was Good, but definitely not Epic.

RAVE - Africam

I bore Mrs Page about my trips to Kenya and Tanzania before we met, and how I really, really, really want to go there again. One of these days the lovely lady will give in and get the tickets.

Consequently, I watch more than my fair share of National Geographic programs, and even make sure to watch Letterman when Jack Hannah is on with his wacky wild animals.

What a joy it was to discover this site that features several live web cams from Africa, most of which are in and around the Kruger National Park in South Africa.

It's magical to watch these cams. I won't pretend it's like being there, but it certainly beats the crap out of watching some jerk spouting off on YouTube.

RAVE - 44" Chest

Although it was never explained whose chest was 44", I think the basis of this excellent but profane movie was that you have to man up when your woman is tempted away from you.

The outstanding British cast: Ray Winstone, John Hurt, Tom Wilkinson, Ian McShane, Steve Berkoff and Joanne Walley swore like troopers throughout, and I guess your attitude to swearing will determine whether you love or hate this movie. It's certainly not one I'd watch with my mum, or dad for that matter. 

With that cast, how could it not be well-acted, with John Hurt standing out as the main unintentional laugh generator.

So, all in all it was f#*%@[ good fun.

RAVE - Garcon

To have eaten at Blowfish on Wednesday, Grand Cafe on Thursday, and Garcon on Friday shows how fortunate we are to live here in San Francisco. It also explains why my flu still hasn't gone away, even though I watered it down a bit by passing it on to one of our Garcon party. Sorry Sue, I owe you a bottle of Benadryl.

David, another member of our group said, while we were supping beers on our deck on Sunday, that Garcon hadn't overtaken Florio as his favorite casual French restaurant in town, and I can see why he says that, seeing as he lives just a few blocks from Florio.

My Garcon experience, Foie Gras in traditional sauteed form, and also mousse, was absolutely stunning, and the Coq Au Vin was similarly top notch.

We're spoiled for genuine French service; we live 2 blocks from Chez Papa and Chez Maman, but our waiter at Garcon gave them a run for their Euros.

I smell a Top Ten coming on.

RAVE - Flame and Citron

Those of you whom I have dragged in to watch a foreign movie know that I like them. Foreign movies that is. [insert lame old smiley here]

Occasionally, we're rewarded with a gem. The Motorcycle Diaries for instance. Or Gomorrah, and The Baader Meinhof Complex.

For a foreign language to grip you, it often has to be better than its English language equivalent.

I have just seen one of those grippers. Flame and Citron, despite sounding like a pair of Las Vegas strippers, were in fact members of the Danish resistance during WWII. Those were not their real names of course. Flame was the code name for the one with the red hair; Citron was perhaps named so because he always had a sour look on his face.

Their squad was allegedly under British orders to kill key members of the Nazi occupying force and its collaborators.

The script was riveting, and would be in any language. The action was perfectly balanced between smokey-roomed intrigue and suburban Copenhagen shootings, and a real Bonney & Clyde-esque ending.

Doesn't sound very high-brow does it? Nevertheless, it's an excellent movie and if you can bear the sub-titles, it's available on Netflix 'watch now'.

RAVE - The Infidel

If you liked East is East, or Bend It Like Beckham, you'll love The Infidel.

Omid Djalili, a British Iranian comic, plays Mahmud Nasir, a relaxed Muslim living in East London with his family. His wife is "modern", in that she wears western clothes and no veil. His 4 year old daughter giggles and runs around the house with a plastic scimitar shouting "death to all infidels". His son is engaged to a Pakistani girl, whose fire-breathing hate cleric father-in-law demands that he meet with her in-laws-to-be so that he can "bless" the partnership.

Cleaning up his recently-deceased mother's house Mahmud finds his birth certificate that - shock, horror! - shows he is Jewish, and adopted by Muslims when he was a baby.

What follows, as Mahmud juggles his new-found Jewishness with his need to impress his son's future father-in-law is a hoot.

Best line: while Mahmud bounces his dilemma off a fellow min-cab driver, who happens to be Jewish, and explains that despite being raised as a Muslim he was born of Jewish parents, and given the name Solly Shimshillewitz. His confidant replies: "They may as well have called you Jew Jew-Jew-Jew".

RAVE - Grand Cafe

This past week has added to my roster of great French restaurants in San Francisco. The list used to be Chez Spencer, Chez Papa, L'Ardoise, and RN74 (but only for the food).

Thursday I went to Grand Cafe with two good friends up from LA. 

The place has a unique vibe. That doesn't mean it's got a better thing going on than any other French or non-French restaurant in the city, just that I don't know of another place with the 40s Ritz experience ... very high ceilings, chandeliers, black-aproned waiters, Le Monty Plein* as it were.

I had (surprise, surprise) the salad with lardons and a poached egg, followed by Cassoulet (basically, a meat paella). 10/10.

My friends dined equally well, aside from George complaining that his salad was "gritty" (preceded by a kerfuffle over his martini having some foreign additive and followed by his coffee tasting "sandy"). David was his usual suave self, and seemed to enjoy his meal as much as I did, and George secretly did.

All in all, not the ideal place for every group, but for at least 33.3% of our party it was fabulous.

* Le Monty Plein = The Full Monty, for our garlic crunching beret wearing brothers

RANT - Vanish, by Tom Pawlick

What did I do to deserve two (count 'em) consecutive books written by faith-based authors? It's not that I'm anti-faith at all, but it's like Christian Rock bands. They're not bad just because they're Christian, but they come from a smaller gene pool, so naturally the best Christian music is unlikely to be the best music one could possibly find.

So far, I'm batting 0 for 3 (as American baseball pundits would put it), meaning I've read 3 and they all sucked.

Apparently, the saying "the Devil makes all the good music" is true for books too.

This one was lamer than a lame dog trying to walk on glass in stiletto heels.

The book started OK if somewhat formulaic, with various people waking up to find that everyone in Chicago had vanished. As they ventured out and met a few other survivors of what they thought was a mass abduction by aliens, the story got repetitive, and early enough in the book to make me want to jump to the end and get it over with.

I didn't, and now I wish I had. I won't give away the horrible, 16-story high monster with huge teeth and bad breath that was responsible for the disappearance ... nah, it wasn't that, just in case you ignore my advice and actually read this tosh.

Boo!

RANT - By Reason of Insanity, by Randy Singer

Whoever described this author as "just as good as John Grisham", must've been on crack. While this is mostly a courtroom story, that's about the only thing Singer has in common with Grisham.

Complex just for the sake of it, and without adding anything to the story, with a ton of "action" crammed into the last chapter in order to try and make sense of the mess that went before.

Twists of Biblical proportions, literally. And I know some people use that analogy incorrectly, as in "It blew my mind, literally", but I meant what I said. I doubt very much whether real lawyers use examples from the Babylonian King Nebuchadnezzar when searching for precedents, but that was segued in there with a few other stretches of the legal imagination.

It was only after I read it that I learned Mr Singer is a "faith-based" writer, which must mean his readers need faith to believe his far-fetched story lines.

REVIEW - The Trotsky

Another of a slew of "Festival" movies just released, this one is the official selection of the 2010 Tribeca Film Festival.

It's like a more intelligent but less funny Napoleon Dynamite. 

Leon Bronstein claims and acts like he's the reincarnation of Leon Trotsky. As is his destiny, he sets about trying to unionize the workers at his father's factory, then after enrolling at West Montreal high school and finding out how plain mean the head teacher and principal are, he campaigns for a student union to be set up.

And it's not one of those student unions that primarily plan events where alcohol is freely available - this one exists to bring down the "fascist' school board and give the students a say in their schooling.

See, I said it was less funny than Napoleon Dynamite, but it's a deep cut above the bilge that is The Joneses, Bounty Hunter, et bloody al.

RAVE - Sex & Drugs & Rock 'n Roll

Before you go rushing off to the authorities to report my confession, while I do enjoy the occasional romantic dinner, sometimes take aspirin for a headache, and really understand what New Kids on the Block mean when they sing Grown Man, here I'm applauding the movie based on Ian Dury's rise to fame as the front man for The Blockheads.

Andy Serkis delivers an outstanding performance, and while any number of actors could have been wired up to play Gollum or King Kong, ONLY Serkis could do Ian Dury. The likeness is uncanny, the voice is perfect, the tragic moves of a polio-stricken punk, I even had to double-check that it was Serkis singing and not miming to the original songs.

Maybe these are the musings of a huge fan, but the film is now available on demand, so trim your sideburns into points, apply some dark makeup around your eyes, fill your mouth full of gravel and sing along.

RAVE - The Wedding Present at The Independent

The Wedding Present were a huge favorite of John Peel's (RIP), and are just behind The Smiths and The Fall in terms of most votes ever in Peelie's Festive Fifty.

I worried about dragging Pavey, Felicia and David to last night's show, mainly because even a massive Wedding Present fan like me will admit that their music is heavy on the repetitive driving guitars and the complex stories which were unlikely to be recognizable over those guitars.

To be fair, it's hard to understand David Gedge's Yorkshire accent even when there's relative silence.

"What did he say?" David asked on a number of occasions. We definitely heard him proclaim Manchester as the "home of the greatest football team in the world - Manchester United" when introducing Granadaland.

Thanks to telling Jonny, The Independent's owner, that he was a wonderful human being, we were in the VIP Gallery, and I don't think my glass of Stoli and Tonic would have reached the stage to describe my view of that filthy lie!

Despite Gedge's questionable taste in football, the show was a blast.

Support from Mister Loveless was better than expected, even to the point of separating David from 5 well-earned American dollars for their CD on sale at the show.

Got to bed at 2am, back up at 6.45am hoping to see Liverpool thump Burnley, but it wasn't televised here. Never mind, I have the rest of today to catch up on sleep, and I think I'll zzzzzzz

REVIEW - Calm down ladies, he's already in a relationship

29-year old Chris Shaw, from somewhere dull near Kansas, which is itself dull, has just won TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY EIGHT MILLION DOLLARS (that's 170 million, in real, English money) in the lottery.

Chris wants to pay some bills, take his 3 kids, his girlfriend and her 2 kids, to Disneyland. And he wants to get his teeth fixed.

He doesn't mention keeping his eye out for some hotter action in the "lonely and under-appreciated American wife" department, but it might be worth stalking him. 

At least hook up with him on Facebook girls, AFTER he buys a computer of course.

Happy hunting.

RAVE #2 - Lafitte

I know I've reviewed, and raved about Lafitte before - just 2 weeks ago in fact. I also know that I talked in detail about the food, something I don't always do, because in many cases the food can be good but pretty similar to what you get at other restaurants.

Anyhow, after that pre-amble, we had another fabulous meal at Lafitte last night, this time with David and Felicia. Now, we could be eating turnips in a field with them and it would still make for a great evening out, so the food was a distinct luxury.

We decided to have every dish on the menu, in order to sample the exquisite and inventive fare:

APPETIZERS

• Delta Asparagus Wrapped in Custom Guanciale.
• Beef Spam and Poached Duck Egg - as a poached egg fan, I can honestly say this was the best egg I ever tasted. Chef Russell is a master of the sous vide, and uses it to slow poach an egg to the consistency of cream. The beef tongue spam looked and tasted like a mini burger built for royalty. Perfect.
• SlipJack Crudo. similar to an ahi tuna, but possibly better textured; the fennel and potato accompaniment worked really well.
• Pickled Fennel and Fingerling Salad. I love fennel, and loved this dish.

MID

• Crispy Lamb Sweetbreads, Sweet Onion Marmalad. Delicious.
• Saute Quail and Braised Teparay Bean. I'd have preferred the Quail as crispy as the Sweetbreads, but that's just me.

ENTREE

• Dry Age New York, Pomme Frite and Béarnaise Sauce. What looks like a same-old same-old dish, in Chef Russell's hands turned into a standout marvel.
• 18 Hour Braised Lamb Shoulder, Saute of Field Chard. Not sure where else you'd be able to enjoy this. Another treat from Lafitte.
• Northern Halibut, Braised Fennel and Citrus Anise Sauce.
• Grilled Calf's Liver, Spring Onions and Green Garlic Cream. A rarely-seen dish on American tables, and an acquired taste for The Yanqui, but I loved it.
• Zitoni Taglaiati with Wild Radish Flowers, Green Garlic and Spicy Watercress.

DESSERT

• Fuji Apple Gallette
• Napoleon of Chocolate
• "New York" Style Chevre Cheese Cake. We were FULL by this time, so elected to have just this one dessert, and we picked a good'un.

2 bottles of Ridge Pagani Zinfandel capped off a perfect meal in perfect company, at what may be the perfect restaurant.

REVIEW - The Soft Pack at Bottom Of The Hill

Having heard "Answer to Yourself" on the radio and not known which band it was, we saw them on Letterman, and then eagerly got tickets to their show.

While I think even Country Bill (yes, that Bill) will admit it's a great song, the trouble is that's their only great song.

Last night's show at the wonderfully handy Bottom Of The Hill, which is just four blocks away at the bottom of our hill, was unfortunately dull. While Matt Lamkin's vocals are crystal clear (or at least they were once the sound guy woke up and did some much needed twiddling), there's not much range there. And have you ever heard a drummer perform as well standing up, as sitting down? No, neither have I.

If they're to be anything but a one hit wonder, they'd better write some new material, with notes that go up and down a bit.

Support from London's (well, Dalston's) Male Bonding was more lively, although they're unlikely to qualify as Indie's most whistle-able band.

REVIEW - 24 hours with my new iPad SLEEVE

Such are the vagaries of supply and demand, or in Apple's case, Demand outstripping Supply, that I received my iPad sleeve today and still have to wait another week or so (allegedly) before my 3G iPad arrives.

But still, in the spirit of all those excitable and excited Mac fanboys and girls, I thought I'd spill the beans on the iPad cover (which, to be honest, is what the protective cover is intended for).

First impressions:

It's light and rubbery. $39 for something you'd get free with any other electrical item costing north of $800. Shabby. And it's not as elegant as the felt-like cover Mrs Page got for me with my Kindle.

It's got a big Apple logo on the front, advertising that you're carrying around $800 of eminently pilferable electronics. Not good. I'm one of those people who, the first day I get a new laptop, lift off the annoying Intel Inside, and Windows stickers. I do the same with new cars: why would I want to drive around advertising the dealer who sold me the car?

The ID holder / thing that holds the cover back on itself for angled viewing, isn't big enough to hold a business card. I guess I'll go to the Maybach store and get a platinum ID card made to measure.

It doesn't do anything apart from cover the iPad. Forget what the Apple site says about the sleeve: "It folds in just the right places to act as a stand that holds the iPad at an ideal angle for watching videos and slide-shows or for typing on the onscreen keyboard". The sleeve does little more than fold in the same way a book does. What an opportunity this is for some enterprising Chinese manufacturer to produce a sleeve with a little adjustable stand attached to the back (like every single photo frame has). Even better if it could have a slim power dock set into the back of the sleeve. This would make the iPad more useable, and save everyone from buying a freaking $29 dock! And if the cover had a slim keyboard option, those Chinese manufacturers would be shoveling the money into their wheelbarrows. Oh, they already are?

I can't wait for the real thing to arrive so that I can test the sleeve fully loaded.

RANT - Capannina

Outside of North Beach, San Francisco's Italian restaurants are under-represented. Or at least that's my impression, because I was hard-pressed to think of a good Italian restaurant elsewhere in the City.

Therefore, after Capannina was highly-recommended by Joe Public on Check Please, Bay Area, we booked a table immediately.

All I can say is that Joe Public doesn't get around much.

It's a small place, and Saturday night it was heaving in there. I don't know if it's normally that noisy, but last night it really got on my nerves.

What I want noise-wise in a restaurant is something compatible with the noise my group is making. That means: if it's just Mrs Page and me, I want the noise level to be compatible with us, enabling us to talk without shouting. If I'm with a group of 6 or 8, I'm happy for the ambient noise to be boisterous, as no doubt my group will be.

With Capannina it was all topsy turvy, with waiters barking in thick Italian accents, and adjacent tables deciding to bellow their opinions so that everyone could here, whether they wanted to or not.

Of course, all of that would have been acceptable if the food was above par, but it wasn't. The signore's choice of Crab Cakes ("much smaller than they looked on the TV program") and Squid Ink Risotto with Mussels, Clams, Crab etc ("dried out and under-flavored") was a little more disappointing than my Papardelle with Wild Boar Ragu (very good) and Veal Scaloppine with Lemon-Caper Sauce, Spinach & Parmesan Risotto (also lacking in the flavor department).

Funnily enough, we did go to North Beach afterward, looking for after-dinner coffee in more salubrious surroundings. But not-so-little Italy let us down by being particularly stingy on the parking opportunities.

"Sapristi Mon Bole" as my schoolfriend Chris James was wont to say. Neither of us knew what it meant, but it summed up last night perfectly.

RANT - TV Coverage of The Masters

Do the networks have to pay extra for showing golfers hitting actual shots?

I'm sick of suits talking about golf when there's real live golf being played!

I'm sick of Tiger "The Adulterer" Woods featuring in every preview, review and more than his fair share of coverage.

I'm sick of the plaudits he's getting, despite the fact that he's a serial abuser of his marriage vows, and consequently a poor excuse for a father.

I'm sick of the re-upping of his sponsorships, starting with the hypocrites at Nike. 

Compared to the TV coverage, the live webcast is way better, with hi-def video, at least 4 views selectable, and even picture-in-picture. And NO advertising!

That way, I don't have to have Tiger Woods rammed down my throat. (Notice how I mostly resisted a double entendre there).

Marvelous.

RAVE - Top 100 Restaurants in the Bay Area

Michael Bauer's restaurant reviewing is the best job in the best city in the world for this kind of job. I'm not saying San Francisco has the best restaurants in the world, but doing this in New York, London or Paris would be impossible. At least in San Francisco there's a somewhat manageable number of restaurants, and one can have a decent stab at making a Top 100.

All restaurants are in San Francisco, unless otherwise stated.

First, a list of places not in the Top 100 but ought to be:

5&5 Steak Lounge
L'Ardoise
Lafitte
Salt House
Sociale

And now, that Top 100 list, with links to my own humble postings where available:

A16 link to RAVE posting
Acquarello
Ad Hoc (Yountville)
Adesso (Oakland)
Amber India (Mountain View)
Amber India
Amber India (San Jose)
Ame
Aziza
Baker & Banker  RAVE
Bar Bambino  RAVE
Bar Jules
Bay Wolf (Oakland)
Beretta   REVIEW
Betelnut
Bistro Don Giovanni (Napa)  RAVE
Bix  RAVE
Bocadillos
Bottega Napa Valley (Yountville)
Bouchon (Yountville)  RAVE
Boulevard  RANT
Cafe La Haye (Sonoma)
Camino (Oakland)
Canteen
Chapeau
Chez Panisse (Berkeley)
Chez Papa Resto  RAVE
Chow (Danville)
Chow (Lafayette)
Chow
Coco500
Coi  RAVE
Corso Trattorio (Berkeley)
Cyrus (Healdsburg)  RAVE
Delfina  RAVE
Dopo (Oakland)
Dosa on Valencia  REVIEW
Dosa on Fillmore  REVIEW
Etoile (Yountville)
Farmhouse Inn and Restaurant (Forestville)  RAVE
Firefly
Flora (Oakland)
Flour + Water  REVIEW
Foreign Cinema  RAVE
Frances
Frascati
French Laundry (Yountville)
Gary Danko  RANT
Gialani
Greens  RANT
Hog Island Oyster Co.
House of Prime Rib
Incanto  RAVE
Jardiniere  RAVE
Kaygetsu (Menlo Park)
Koi Palace (Daly City)
La Folie  REVIEW
Limon   RANT
Madrona Manor (Healdsburg)
Manresa (Los Gatos)
Masa's
Michael Mina  REVIEW
Murray Circle (Sausalito)
Neela's (Napa)
Nombe
Nopa
Nopalito
O Chame (Berkeley)
One Market RAVE
Osteria Stellina (Point Reyes Station)
Park Chow
Perbacco  REVIEW
Pesce
Picco (Larkspur)
Piperade
Pizzaiola (Oakland)
Pizzeria Picco (Larkspur)
Poggio (Sausalito)
Press (St. Helena)
Quince  RAVE
Range
Redd (Yountville)
Restaurant At Middlewood (St. Helena)
Rivoli (Berkeley)
RN74  REVIEW
Rosso Pizzeria and Wine Bar (Santa Rosa)
Sante (Boyes Hot Springs)
Scopa (Healdsburg)
Slanted Door   RAVE
Solbar (Calistoga)
SPQR   RAVE
Spruce   RAVE
Sushi Ran (Sausalito)
Swan Oyster Depot
Terra (St. Helena)
The Dining Room At The Ritz-Carlton
Tipsy Pig
Town Hall  RANT
Va De Vi (Walnut Creek)
Vik's Chaat Corner (Berkeley)
Wexler's
Willi's Wine Bar (Santa Rosa)
Wood Tavern (Oakland)
Yank Sing  RAVE
Yoshi's
Zarzuela
Zuni Cafe   REVIEW

RAVE - Public House

Despite the name, it's no English Pub.

Nevertheless, Public House is likely to be more popular and more relevant to its location right outside the SF Giants' stadium than its Acme Chop House predecessor.

Classier than Toronado; more accessible (on non game days) than Monks Kettle, but perhaps lacking the atmosphere of either of those places.

A great beer list would be even greater with Newcastle Brown, Theakstons or other REAL English beers, but that's just my palate speaking.

The food was pretty darned good, with the pulled pork sliders excelling.

The eagle-eyed among you will notice the picture is of an empty Acme, with the PH signs still to go up. This place is so new, I could find no pictures online.

Take your camera and enjoy the pub grub.

RAVE - Clash of The Titans

This could have gone either way, what with a cast of mostly "where have I seen them before?" types, plus Liam Neeson and Ralph Fiennes camping it up like a pair of aging bearded drag queens - and that contradiction kind of sums up the movie.

On the one hand it was sillier than an ancient Greek Monty Python sketch. On the other, it was an exciting adventure with fabulous special effects.

My toes curled every time I saw the trailer with Zeus / Neeson proclaiming "release the Kraken", but thankfully he got that melodramatic command out of the way and the Krah-ken (as Hades / Fiennes gaily pronounced it) was duly released.

Mayhem naturally ensued, in a wonderfully violent swirling of teeth and tentacles. Reviewers who described the monsters as "static" must be thinking of the 1970s original, because each badass encounter, with giant scorpions, bat-like demons, snake-infested Medusa and the [titter] Krah-ken was genuinely gripping. The intervening dialog was a bit dull, but hell (er, Hades), what do you expect?

Having grown up on the originals (the English translations, not the original originals) of Aesop's Fables, The Iliad and The Aenid (or was that a prog rock band from the 80s?) I kind of new the basic stories, and this was mish-mash of some choice cuts.

All in all, a playful romp through a sea of utter hogwash. Immense fun. Honest.

RAVE - Lafitte

Do all great restaurants take this much blood, sweat and tears to get off the ground?

Having been a neighbor of Russel Jackson's for a couple years, we saw the planning, the years, the heavy lifting that went into this fabulous new place, and it reminded us how lucky we are to be on the consuming end of this ride from Dissident Chef, through Subculture Dining to this perfect location on the Embarcadero.

Two rooms - one promenade French bistro, the other a natural wood beamed dining room with a proper open kitchen (not something where you can just see the culinary artistes' heads).

A friendly, not-at-all-haughty-or-pretentious staff, a healthy but not overpoweringly noisy vibe, and that means nothing gets in the way of the food.

Russel is one of the most creative chefs you could wish for. There's no Ahi Tuna, Niman Ranch Rib-eye or Sonoma chicken here. That might've sounded appetizing 10 years ago, but every man and his dog is serving that fare in San Francisco now.

At Lafitte's third opening night yesterday we experienced:

Guanciale with Emergo Bean Puree on Crostini. Guanciale is an unsmoked Italian bacon prepared with pig's cheeks. I could've eaten a lot more than this amuse-sized tasting.

Root Vegetable soup with Wheat Berry salad. With the berries soaked in the broth, this was a standout dish. What amazed me was that without any sensationally weird ingredients, it tasted like no other soup I could remember.

Fried Artichoke with Boqerones Bagna Cauda. Everyone knows how hard it is to render artichoke edible. Frying it was a new one on me, and it worked. The anchovy paste (Bagna Caude) took some getting used to, but it definitely was original.

Cod and Pork Sausage Stew with Carrot Viche and Green Garlic Broth. The sausage exploded with taste.

Roasted Alaskan Halibut with Dandelion Rabe and Mustard Flower Sauce. I didn't taste this, but Pavey said it was another exciting mix of flavors.

Fuji Apple and Almond Cake with Creme Fraiche Ice Cream. At another table in another restaurant this could've tasted ordinary, but at Lafitte it was delicate and different. A great dessert to cap off a great dinner.

I really hope Lafitte proves to be the success Russel deserves.