Much has been written about Hubert Keller's $60 burgers in his Vegas joint, and now the recession-eschewing chef has brought the experience to Macy's in San Francisco.Sorry - just had to wipe my screen down after saying 'recession-eschewing chef' with a mouthful of microwaved frozen lunch. Who am I to be critiquing the hard work of a master chef?
The anticipation had been building for months in certain quarters. Not mine, I hasten to add. I appreciate a good dollop of minced meat and additives, but I'd never get all religious about it.
I don't know whether that anticipatory throb was due to a genuine passion for America's contribution to the world menu, or a devilish interest in seeing something bomb, big time. Now, a couple months after it opened, I cannot find one glowing review of this altar to fast food, and having eaten there last Sunday, I can see why.
First, this is not THE chef Keller. Thomas Keller (no relation to Hubert) is owner and executive chef at The French Laundry in nearby Napa, consistently voted in the Top 5 restaurants in the World. Hubert Keller is still an accomplished chef, having run the Fleur de Lys restaurants in San Francisco and Las Vegas for some years. While I remember having one of the most elegant Valentines dinners at FdeL in SF, with some hot babe I eventually married, I don't remember exactly what we ate.
Hubert - or maybe that should be hubris - Keller's SF venture joins The Cheesecake Factory inside Macy's, and turns out to be a fitting match for that other bloated, touristic, over-subscribed and under-whelming eatery.
But what about the burgers, I hear you ask, pounding your cutlery on the table? They're OKAY. Certainly better than your average fast food, which regularly renders me more than regular, if you get my drift. "Alimentary, my dear Watson" as Sherlock Holmes might say.
They were good but not fabulous.
1. I'm not a penny-pincher who carefully weighs the value of each purchase, especially when it comes to comestibles and libations (that's grub and booze to most of you). But when someone charges $20-$60 for a burger, you cannot help but ask "is it worth that?" My $18 peppercorn burger was not. Pavey's turkey burger was dull, and together the $55 bill for 2 burgers and 2 cokes seemed steep.
2. I believe judging books by their covers is an excellent and unavoidable way of measuring stuff - food, people, places, whatever. The Burger Bar looks part sports bar, part Mel's Diner. It does not look, sound or feel upscale.
3. Menus are like resumes ... sloppiness and typos immediately place the writer in a negative light. Keller may be a dab hand in the kitchen, but he clearly doesn't pay that much attention to what's written in his menu. It's littered with bad grammar (even for a menu) and typos. And for heaven's sake people, there is no such thing as CARMELIZED. It's CAR-bloody-A-bloody-MELIZED. Or caramelised if you're pointing a blow-torch at a bowl of custard in England. There's a pony-tailed pillock with his own TV cook show who regularly says 'carmelized', and fortunately for him he can't hear my sworn response.
So there it is. If you're already shopping in Macy's and you're craving a burger and/or a milk shake, haul your shopping bags up the elevator and into Burger Bar. Just don't plan your week around it.
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