RANT - The Expendables

I had to give this the RANT it deserves,  although I know a large part of the population loves this kind of movie, and will enjoy this one in particular.

The problems were many though, and they began with Sylvester Stallone directing and co-writing the screenplay. Right there it meant the film should've been called The Unexplainables.

Absolutely no value was added by including so many "stars": Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Bruce Willis, Mickey Rourke, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Jet Li, not to mention Eric Roberts, Dolph Lungren, and Steve Austin. Of course, there's nowhere near enough space for that many over-the-hill action stars, except maybe in a long line at the steroid counter at Walgreens Pharmacy. None of them is known for his way with words, so it's no surprise none of them gets to do much more than grunt.

And what's going on with the pseudo porn star names? The film also features such international smut-worthy names as Randy Couture, Preshas Jenkins, Ace LeBlue, and Charisma Carpenter. Su-freaking-real.

The plot? I watched the whole thing and couldn't tell what was going on aside from people jumping on and off moving vehicles, and things blowing up.  I thought Lawrence would know, but he too was clue-less.

The film started off well, with Stallone & Co rescuing hostages from Somali pirates. "At last, someone's dealing with those damned pirates" I thought. But a few minutes later and the so-called story-line has disappeared into thin air, and for the next 90 minutes I had no idea who and what the mercenaries were fighting for,nor against whom. Maybe that's what the life of a modern mercenary has become. Pointless.

Not for me I'm afraid. I would've been happier with a foreign-language film - and therefore a completely different cast, or maybe the same cast using all the French words they know.