RANT - How to reset Facebook privacy to what you signed up for

The heading wouldn't win any grammar prizes, but the content is valuable nonetheless.

I always read Lifehacker's tips, and very often use them. This one is very current and much needed, seeing as everyone seems to be concerned at Facebook's attempts to own us and everything about us.

If you'd like to return your Facebook account to the state you signed up for, privacy-wise, follow these instructions.

I'm getting ready to withdraw completely from this almost total waste of space and time, but thought I'd try tightening the privacy settings for one last attempt at strangling the BS out of the experience.

Wish me luck.

RAVE - The Page Family

Two of the least inspiring towns in England made relevant and worthwhile by being home to my family. 

I really enjoy my at least annual trips to Preston and Morecambe to see my folks, enjoy sister-in-law Beverley's hospitality and, at least this time, play a few rounds of golf with my brother Lawrence.

Usually, those towns "enjoy" some of the wettest weather in England, but this time I was treated to mostly blazing sunshine.

My apologies to nephews and nieces Georgia, Leah, Rhys, Tom and Ella - the fact that I was lugging golf clubs around the world with me meant I didn't bring the usual boxes of presents. I'll make that up to you next time.

And even though they're unlikely ever to see this posting, to my mum and dad, I love you both.

REVIEW - Can you really call it a week in Rome when you don't actually see Rome?

Just got back from two weeks in Europe ... the first in "Rome", the second in the North of England. 

Trouble was, I managed to lose one night traveling to Italy, the next three nights grabbing an average of 5 hours' sleep, and spent all of that time at a Marriott Conference Hotel or the nasty Holiday Inn at which I was staying. 

Not one glimpse of Rome, not even a spire. And the conference and hotel food were a disgrace to to Italian cuisine.

We're going back to Italy - Tuscany - for vacation in August, so we'll put the food situation right, but still won't see Rome.

RANT - The Human Centipede

Cackling its way into that memorable barking mad sci-fi horror genre already occupied by The Fly, Dead Ringers, and A Zed And Two Noughts, this film employs a bunch of "actors" you've never heard of before and hopefully will never see again getting roles that, if given a second chance, they'd probably drop in favor of starring in a snuff movie, working for a Dutch director who's clearly spent too many nights in the Bulldog in Amsterdam.

Two American girls on holiday in Germany leave their broken down car in the wood (of course they do), stumble through said woods in the dark to a remote house (of course it is), only to be taken captive by an aging Nazi surgeon (who else?) who fantasizes about making a human centipede by connecting 3 adults by their gastric tracts (choke, of course he would).

Being stitched to the butt of the person in front spares us from anything more than muffled screams from the ladies, while the first portion of the centipede is played by a Chinese captive, so there's not much meaningful dialog from that end either.

And wouldn't you know it, this is the "First Section", so the film closes in suspension, with the audience barely caring what happens next.

To describe this as "utter drivel" would be doing a dis-service to Gerard Butler's entire catalog

RAVE - Robin Hood

Seeing as this dealt with the time Robin Longstride (I never knew that name) was attached to Richard the Lionheart's army in The Crusades, to the time he was declared an outlaw by the slippery King John, I guess it should have been called Robin Hood, The Prequel.

If you check imdb.com for "Robin Hood", you'll find well over 100 filmed versions of this basic story, so credit to the team making this 2010 version for turning out a totally absorbing, but who-knows-whether-any-of-it-actually-happened story.

Russell Crowe looked, but didn't really sound the part, wandering all over Great Britain with his accent, and just as I thought "aha, that was a Liverpool accent", I wondered if they would have had scousers in the 12th Century, and then his accent wandered a bit south-east. The fact that Nottingham isn't really in Northern England - it's more central, he needn't have struggled with Scouse or Manc, and just tried to sound natural middle England.

Anyhow, it was gritty and looked realistic enough, with excellent medieval castle / farmyard scenes.

The French fared badly in most of the battle scenes, which is always a bonus.

Interestingly, there were none of the archery histrionics (like, one arrow splitting another in some target competition, or splicing a sheet of parchment in a superhuman feat of accuracy, as we've seen way too often in earlier interpretations of the story), and it was better for that.

Great fun, if conquests of the pillaging and raping kind can be properly described as "fun".

Why it was necessary to have two Australians (Crowe and Blanchett, playing Robin and Marion), two Americans (including William Hurt) playing Lord Marshall and Will Scarlet, a Swede (Max von Sydow), two Canadians playing Little John and Alan A'Dale, a Guatemalan (seriously) playing King John in this quintissentially English story, and the only Englishman (Mark Strong) playing a traitor, beats me, but it all worked well enough. Surely there are enough real English outlaws available for work.

RAVE - Apple vs PC spoof

If you're pig sick of the Apple vs PC ads (either because you're an Apple fan and can't understand why anyone could possibly want a PC, or you've been using PCs successfully for decades and you've never understood how people fall for Apple's T&A appeal), this one's for you.

Mac meets PC meets Linux meets Unix meets Google, making the best comparison of its kind.

RAVE - Redd, Yountville

The 90-minute drive to Yountville in Napa Valley was well worth the ride. 

Yountville is one of those lucky, lucky towns boasting several world-class restaurants, with French Laundry, Bouchon and now Redd on that list.

Redd has a relaxing, design forward vibe, perfect for a Saturday lunch in the sun.

Unfortunately, all the open-air tables were booked, so we sat inside. It turned out not to be such a disadvantage, as inside had a very clean and calm atmosphere.

The food was spectacular. 

I chose 3 appetizers, in order to sample more dishes: I had the foie gras creations (a terrine, a pate and a mousse), the glazed pork belly (outstanding) and the crispy confit (another exquisite dish). Peter had the yellowfin tuna with avocado (mouthwatering) and the confit (you already know how good this was). Pavey had the John Dory (too little excellent John Dory and too many gritty clams), and the pork belly (still outstanding). 

All in all, a fabulous example of what I said yesterday, about Epic Roasthouse. Redd delivered small, but not too small dishes with wonderfully intense flavors. Epic focused on huge portions of less than delicious food.

I vote Redd a massive success.

REVIEW - Epic Roasthouse

We'd had lunch with the oft-mentioned in this blog Bill and Margaret a few years ago at Epic. They live in Houston and Bill was intrigued that a burger could cost $20. He duly ordered it, just to see what a $20 burger tastes like. Apparently, no better than a $10 burger in Houston.

Last night we showed up for our 8.30 pm reservation, only to be lied to by the host: "Your table is just finishing up, and should be done in 5 minutes. Why don't you have a drink at the bar upstairs, and I'll come and get you when your table's ready".

30 minutes later, we got sick of waiting, came back downstairs and wouldn't you know, the same host said "Ah, your table's just become available, let me take you to it".

-5 points for the service at Epic.

Space-wise, it's a good-looking restaurant, with just the right amount of glamor to make you feel you're in a special place.

Surprise, surprise, there's a lot of meat on the menu, although if you want fish, you don't need to go next door to Waterbar.

If, like me, you prefer smaller cuts of meat with rich, rich flavors you, like me, will not care as much for the massive 32oz Wood Oven Roasted Rib-Eye for 2. I've never subscribed to the American notion that everything is better if it's in a giant size. What we got was 16oz of fat-covered bone, and 16oz of decent but unspectacular rib-eye.

Peter, our friend over from the UK, was very happy with the steak, and Mrs P enjoyed her lamb chops despite them tasting too much of the wood oven.

However, for me it was Good, but definitely not Epic.

RAVE - Africam

I bore Mrs Page about my trips to Kenya and Tanzania before we met, and how I really, really, really want to go there again. One of these days the lovely lady will give in and get the tickets.

Consequently, I watch more than my fair share of National Geographic programs, and even make sure to watch Letterman when Jack Hannah is on with his wacky wild animals.

What a joy it was to discover this site that features several live web cams from Africa, most of which are in and around the Kruger National Park in South Africa.

It's magical to watch these cams. I won't pretend it's like being there, but it certainly beats the crap out of watching some jerk spouting off on YouTube.

RAVE - 44" Chest

Although it was never explained whose chest was 44", I think the basis of this excellent but profane movie was that you have to man up when your woman is tempted away from you.

The outstanding British cast: Ray Winstone, John Hurt, Tom Wilkinson, Ian McShane, Steve Berkoff and Joanne Walley swore like troopers throughout, and I guess your attitude to swearing will determine whether you love or hate this movie. It's certainly not one I'd watch with my mum, or dad for that matter. 

With that cast, how could it not be well-acted, with John Hurt standing out as the main unintentional laugh generator.

So, all in all it was f#*%@[ good fun.

RAVE - Garcon

To have eaten at Blowfish on Wednesday, Grand Cafe on Thursday, and Garcon on Friday shows how fortunate we are to live here in San Francisco. It also explains why my flu still hasn't gone away, even though I watered it down a bit by passing it on to one of our Garcon party. Sorry Sue, I owe you a bottle of Benadryl.

David, another member of our group said, while we were supping beers on our deck on Sunday, that Garcon hadn't overtaken Florio as his favorite casual French restaurant in town, and I can see why he says that, seeing as he lives just a few blocks from Florio.

My Garcon experience, Foie Gras in traditional sauteed form, and also mousse, was absolutely stunning, and the Coq Au Vin was similarly top notch.

We're spoiled for genuine French service; we live 2 blocks from Chez Papa and Chez Maman, but our waiter at Garcon gave them a run for their Euros.

I smell a Top Ten coming on.

RAVE - Flame and Citron

Those of you whom I have dragged in to watch a foreign movie know that I like them. Foreign movies that is. [insert lame old smiley here]

Occasionally, we're rewarded with a gem. The Motorcycle Diaries for instance. Or Gomorrah, and The Baader Meinhof Complex.

For a foreign language to grip you, it often has to be better than its English language equivalent.

I have just seen one of those grippers. Flame and Citron, despite sounding like a pair of Las Vegas strippers, were in fact members of the Danish resistance during WWII. Those were not their real names of course. Flame was the code name for the one with the red hair; Citron was perhaps named so because he always had a sour look on his face.

Their squad was allegedly under British orders to kill key members of the Nazi occupying force and its collaborators.

The script was riveting, and would be in any language. The action was perfectly balanced between smokey-roomed intrigue and suburban Copenhagen shootings, and a real Bonney & Clyde-esque ending.

Doesn't sound very high-brow does it? Nevertheless, it's an excellent movie and if you can bear the sub-titles, it's available on Netflix 'watch now'.

RAVE - The Infidel

If you liked East is East, or Bend It Like Beckham, you'll love The Infidel.

Omid Djalili, a British Iranian comic, plays Mahmud Nasir, a relaxed Muslim living in East London with his family. His wife is "modern", in that she wears western clothes and no veil. His 4 year old daughter giggles and runs around the house with a plastic scimitar shouting "death to all infidels". His son is engaged to a Pakistani girl, whose fire-breathing hate cleric father-in-law demands that he meet with her in-laws-to-be so that he can "bless" the partnership.

Cleaning up his recently-deceased mother's house Mahmud finds his birth certificate that - shock, horror! - shows he is Jewish, and adopted by Muslims when he was a baby.

What follows, as Mahmud juggles his new-found Jewishness with his need to impress his son's future father-in-law is a hoot.

Best line: while Mahmud bounces his dilemma off a fellow min-cab driver, who happens to be Jewish, and explains that despite being raised as a Muslim he was born of Jewish parents, and given the name Solly Shimshillewitz. His confidant replies: "They may as well have called you Jew Jew-Jew-Jew".

RAVE - Grand Cafe

This past week has added to my roster of great French restaurants in San Francisco. The list used to be Chez Spencer, Chez Papa, L'Ardoise, and RN74 (but only for the food).

Thursday I went to Grand Cafe with two good friends up from LA. 

The place has a unique vibe. That doesn't mean it's got a better thing going on than any other French or non-French restaurant in the city, just that I don't know of another place with the 40s Ritz experience ... very high ceilings, chandeliers, black-aproned waiters, Le Monty Plein* as it were.

I had (surprise, surprise) the salad with lardons and a poached egg, followed by Cassoulet (basically, a meat paella). 10/10.

My friends dined equally well, aside from George complaining that his salad was "gritty" (preceded by a kerfuffle over his martini having some foreign additive and followed by his coffee tasting "sandy"). David was his usual suave self, and seemed to enjoy his meal as much as I did, and George secretly did.

All in all, not the ideal place for every group, but for at least 33.3% of our party it was fabulous.

* Le Monty Plein = The Full Monty, for our garlic crunching beret wearing brothers