Seeing as restaurants often let us down one way or another, it's an ideal time to summarize those let-downs, prompted by brunch this morning:The first opinion is 100% Pavey, but she doesn't want the rest ascribed to her, as "people will think I'm just a complainer". Darling, they know that already.
1. How can so many restaurants in this allegedly health-conscious city have $4,000 coffee machines but not find it in their budget to spring for a $100 orange-squeezer, thereby requiring that guests searching for an orange burst resort to Od-bloody-wallah, or some other preservative-laden excuse for a juice? Props to Slow Club, for always having fresh oranges and knowing how to squeeze 'em.
Just to keep the lady happy, the rest are my personal rants:
2. Wait staff who tell you what THEIR favorite is on the menu. Who gives a flying wosname what rocks THEIR boat? Follow that path and one of these days you'll be lying face down in a pool of battered spider legs.
3. Real men don't "split a salad".
4. Waiters that ask "have you eaten with us before?" as a prelude to telling us they serve "family style", and suggesting that we order various dishes so we can share. Next time a condescending waiter asks me if I've eaten with them before, I'll say "No, but I've eaten several times at various restaurants. and I DO remember how to eat, so just shut up and take my order".
5. What's the point of serving iced water in a glass that's still hot out of the dishwasher? It's at the other end of the beverage scale to those fine establishments that keep their beer glasses in the freezer.
The following tips for waiters come from Mr. Clarity's excellent blog:
6. Good waiters never say “you guys.” It’s childish and trashy. In adult English, the plural of the pronoun you is you. In other words, you don’t need to say “you guys” or “you folks” or “you kids.” Just say “you.”
7. When guests have studied their menus and appear to be ready to order, don’t ask, “All set?” It makes you sound indolent and uncouth. And especially do not ask, “Have we decided?” The smarmy use of we in place of you irritates many guests because it reminds them of condescending medical doctors who talk this way. The traditional and polite question is, “May I take your order?”
8. When you are checking to see if guests are enjoying their meals, don’t ask, “How are you doing?” This wording implies that the guests are somehow responsible for the quality of the meals. The traditional, polite and logical question is “How is everything?” It keeps the responsibility where it belongs: on the chef.
9. When a guest appears to have finished eating, don’t ask, “All set?” And especially do not ask, “Are you still working on this?” The guest is a human being enjoying a nice meal, not a beaver gnawing through a tree trunk. The traditional and polite question is, “May I take this?” or “May I clear your place?”
10. When a guest has paid his check in cash, don’t ask, “Do you need change?” or “All set?” Hustling tips in this way is presumptuous and offensive. The traditional and polite response is, “I’ll bring you your change.” It’s up to the guest to say, “No, please keep the change,” or to quietly leave the tip from the change that you bring back to him (or her).
2 comments:
Another annoying thing is someone who comments "I agree" and doesn't offer up any useful info.
What's more annoying is having 3 children and forgetting what it is like to eat in a restaurant!!
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