REVIEW - Chronicle

A hard film to categorize.

Three friends discover a powerful force with which they can do strange things - like fly, and move cars, or people. As they get more used to exercising those powers, they start to turn from playful teenagers into dangerous super-layabouts. I won't call them super-heroes, because they do nothing heroic. They just fool about, just like teenagers, but with super-powers.

There's no explanation of what was the source of the powerful force, nor why they came by it. 

Aside from missing those, very important facts, it wasn't too bad.

Just not a classic.

REVIEW - Delfina

I'm feeling particularly picky at the moment, and have therefore decided to give Delfina less than a RAVE review.

We've just had lunch at Foreign Cinema, which has excellent food, great ambiance, good service, and valet parking. How different from Thursday night's dinner at Delfina.

While that had wonderful food, it suffers from being too popular, making it hard to get a table (unless you book a couple weeks in advance), hard to get into even when you do have a booking (we waited for 20 minutes for our table), hard to park (to be fair, it was easier than usual this time, but normally it's a nightmare) and the place is plain noisy (thanks to the er, busy nature of the restaurant).

What can you do about it? The food almost makes up for the inconveniences caused by all you other eaters!

RANT - Facebook's "Like"

I've long hated the Like button in Facebook - along with a lot of other features of FB.

At best, it's a lazy way to express one's like of something one sees on Facebook: a friend's posting, or news.

At worst, it's a slippery slope into receiving incessant and interfering posts from organizations trying to sell crap.

Here's what George Orwell predicted in his book 1984, written in 1949:

"Don't you see that the whole aim of Newspeak is to narrow the range of thought? In the end we shall make thoughtcrime literally impossible, because there will be no words in which to express it. Every concept that can ever be needed, will be expressed by exactly one word, with its meaning rigidly defined and all its subsidiary meanings rubbed out and forgotten ... Every year fewer and fewer words, and the range of consciousness a little smaller".

Prophetic, eh?

REVIEW - Beginners

Ewan McGregor's mother dies of cancer, leaving her 75 year old widower Christopher Plummer to explore his long-kept secret homosexuality.

After some years his Father also dies, and McGregor continues his life and loves, regularly reminiscing about his Father.

The title "Beginners" shows how Father and Son both began their lives all over again; Father learning to live as a gay man, and Son learning what it was like to fall in love again.

Little else happens in what turns out to be a pretty dull movie, and it therefore squanders an interesting idea.

I guess I shouldn't dismiss it so, seeing as it deals with how an understanding Son allows his Father to experience the feelings he's hidden for so long.

Maybe they should have set it pagan Rome, or the Wild West.

RANT - Sand Sharks

The plot beggars belief.

The acting and un-special effects similarly suck.

I don't know where to begin. The premise that an undersea earthquake opens a rift that releases a prehistoric predator, whose offspring appear as sharks that swim through the sand attacking locals and holidaymakers alike is too stupid to even think about, let alone make a film about.

How do you categorize something that's worse than straight to video?

How do you get together a group of people that have so little self esteem, and so much spare time, that they participate in stuff like this?

This was a download too many.

RAVE - Dog Sledding

This is the first time I've been to a ski resort in ski season, and not skied.

We're here in Squaw Valley, the snow's excellent, and I'm fit. Or at least, I'm not prevented from skiing by injury, ill health or bone idleness. It's just that the ladies are more interested in swanning around shopping, tubing, sightseeing or just wallowing away at the spa. 

I'm here with Mrs. Page and her sister, both fairweather sports followers of the fairest hue, and her sister's husband, who is at the ski school. I'm no longer the die-hard piste-basher who will go up the mountain on his own. I'm more of a social skier, and with no-one to ski with, it's hardly social.

So what do I do? Get up there with the dogs. This is our first time dog-sledding, and while I don't see us schlepping our way up to Tahoe every weekend just to spend an hour in the cold looking at 12 dog's asses, it was great fun.

Once you realize the dogs love running while hauling a heavy sled carrying a driver and two passengers (I'd use the proper word for a dog-sled driver if I knew what it was, but I don't), you can relax and let them yap and slather their way up and across the mountain.

Despite looking and acting like 12 bloodthirsty killers, the Alaskan Huskies were very friendly, if not actually cuddly. I was under no illusions that if the sled got turned over it wouldn't be too long before the dogs worked out we were a potential source of protein, so there was always that to keep us upright and breathing.

Woof, woof.

RAVE - Plumpjack Cafe, Squaw Valley

There's not a whole lot of logic in posting a review of a restaurant at Squaw Valley ski resort, near Lake Tahoe, and once you're here you'll realize why.

There are only 3 or 4 places to eat a real meal here (scratch the Starbucks, obviously, because they don't serve much you'd actually want to consume). So if you're here for a long weekend, like we are, eventually you'll end up eating here. And it's well worth it.

The restaurant is classy for a resort, with a great menu. I'm generally not a huge fan of things that swim - alright, I know that cows, and pigs can probably swim, but you know what I mean. Doubly so in a restaurant that's the best part of a day's drive from the (fresh) ocean. As proof of that, the only one of us who had anything swimmy was Pavey, with her usual scallops, and she didn't like them. They were small, and didn't taste full and meaty. "Her fault" I hear you say.

The rest of us luxuriated in our Kurubota Pork Sopes (savory port pieces in a sauce, on top of heaven knows what animal, mineral or vegetable base, all tasting gooooood), Broken Arrow Ranch Wild Boar Chop, Fulton Valley Free Range Chicken Breast, and some other ranch's Short Rib. 

The fact that Squaw Valley is right next to Donner Pass, site of the notorious Donner Party of American pioneers, is worthy of note, if not an ironic comedy moment.

* The Donner Party was a group of 87 American pioneers from Missouri who set out in a wagon train in 1846 headed west for California, only to find themselves trapped by snow in the Sierra Nevada. The subsequent casualties were extremely high, and many of the survivors cannibalized members of the party who had already died.

RAVE - Salmon Fishing in The Yemen

A foolhardy plan on the part of mega-rich Yemeni Skeikh Muhammed to put his soon-to-be operative DAM together with 100,000 salmon imported from the UK and to start salmon fishing in his native Yemen is the basic story, with the requisite and all-too-obvious romance between fish expert Ewan McGregor and the Sheikh's project representative Emily Blunt.

Embellish that basic idea with some genuinely funny moments, a great cast, and a heartwarming story and you have a film that is genuinely charming.

"Charming" is a word I'd rarely use to describe a movie, particularly in a positive way. It would normally be used ironically, as in "that romantic comedy with Justin Bieber playing the action-centric lead was just charming". But this Salmon Fishing lark was genuinely charming, in a warm, positive way. No ironic subtext here. Honest.

Right, I'm off to see me some Disney films!

REVIEW - Wo Hing General Store

Here you have a Chinese restaurant that's the exact opposite of Mission Chinese Food, which in my opinion is a good thing, as the latter sucks.

That doesn't make everything that Wo Hing serves up to be first rate. It's not.

We had the Pork Won Tons and another appetizer I can't remember (there's no menu on the minimalist web site to help with recall). They were hot but uninspiring. Entrees were better: a rich, flavorful dish of noodles, greens, pork and lots of other interesting bits, then a simple but delicious chicken in garlic and my favorite, a pork and eggs jumbled-up mess that tasted fresh and very very eggy.

I loved my cocktails, and the general demeanor of the place with its giant travel posters from Syria and some unrecognizable destinations made it a very un-Chinese restaurant experience.

The staff weren't wired up, but we weren't expecting much, so there it was.

Much better than some places in town, but maybe not up to the standard set by the Phan family's other places like Slanted Door, The Moss Room and - to a lesser degree - Out The Door, Heaven's Dog, and The Academy Cafe.

RAVE - Farallon

One of San Francisco's best-known, and long-standing restaurants, Farallon clearly appeals to tourists. They were on display throughout the place last night. Our server even said "we love to see locals here" when she found out we actually lived here.

Despite that, and the frenetic activity on the part of all of the staff going to and from the open kitchen, the experience was a blast.

I'm no fish fan, yet I picked Farallon for my birthday dinner to the surprise of my wife and host. "Surprise" because it's a seafood-lover's destination, with decor to match.

Pavey had the caviar, lobster salad, and Black Bass. I had the Ahi Tuna, Foie Gras, and roasted Alaskan Cod. Every dish was fabulous, enhanced by a couple of Martinis, champagne, and a bottle of Chassagne Montrachet.

This was only the second time we've eaten there in over 14 years living here, so we'll have to redress that situation over the next 14.

REVIEW - Machine Gun Preacher

"True" story of Sam Childers, who is a former drug-dealer and general layabout who got religion, and became a crusader for Sudanese children forced to become soldiers.

It stars Gerard Butler, someone I rate very low in my league table of actors mainly because of his habit of playing stupid romantic comedies and/or generally superficial roles.

The film doesn't show how this murderer and rabble-rouser got Jesus. He just goes to Church, gets baptized, becomes a construction worker, sells his motorbike and hey presto, one convert.

In fact, the film is light on many of the details about what motivated Childers. All of a sudden we find him moved by a minister's account of how their "brothers" in Somalia need their help and he's upped and gone over there to rebuild homes. Then, he takes a visit to the war-torn north of the country and sees first-hand the true cost of civil war.

There's little to nothing said of how he funds the work he does in Sudan, the building of an orphanage, the constant travel back and forth between the USA and Sudan, how he manages to keep his home and family fed in America while he's away all the time.

In fact, it gets to the point where he needs money to continue funding the orphanage and he sells everything he's got at home, leaving his wife and daughter to live off whatever money she can collect from the church.

Eventually, the film portrays him as an unbalanced man, who still lives his life fighting with a gun, in Somalia.

The latest viral Kony graphic on the interwebs draws attention to the mass murderer Joseph Kony, leader of the Lord's Resistance Army that Amnesty International estimates has killed 400,000 people in Northern Uganda and Southern Sudan.

RANT - Insight

A woman is rushed to hospital suffering from multiple stab wounds.

During the failed attempt to keep her alive, a nurse is electrocuted by the defibrillator. When she comes around, she starts to experience the victim's memories.

You can guess the rest - the nurse teams up with the detective investigating the murder, using her unique insights to help him.

But this film eventually became predictable, annoying, and dull.

It was an interesting premise that as it played out and the outcome became obvious, turned into a run-of-the-mill thought transference through electric shock movie. 

It seems like there have been hundreds. Or maybe this version just made it seem like it.

RANT - Carnage

A creeping Polanski indulgence.

Two couples meet to resolve a fight between their sons at school - one has thwacked the other with a stick.

They're incredibly annoying people: Christoph Waltz is a lawyer, constantly taking calls on his cellphone, Kate Winslet is his wife, a broker always going for the throat. John C. Reilly is a home supplies salesman, and Jodie Foster a right-on writer. I'd have come to blows with this lot if they'd been at my house.

There follows over an hour of bickering, arguing, point-scoring, and general heated conversation, about which the viewer cares almost nothing.

Give this a wide berth.

REVIEW - ATM

What starts out at a Christmas party in a city office develops into three work friends stopping at an ATM machine at 1am. This is not just any ATM machine, it's two machines enclosed in a separate building, a room large enough to hold 20 people protected from the winter weather outside.

No sooner have they got their money out, than they're beset by someone trying to rob them, or do something to them.

Then the film drops into head-rolling boredom, as the trio tussle with the protagonist.

The reason for all these shenanigans is revealed in the credits, if only I could make out what it was.

RAVE - Albert Nobbs

Fastidious Albert Nobbs is living the life of a butler in the best hotel in 19th century Dublin. It's a depressing life, made all the more so by the fact that Nobbs is a woman.

I'm not saying that being a woman is depressing, but that life in Dublin as a servant must've driven the transvestites to distraction.

I say "transvestites" because there are at least two. Albert meets another who comes to work at her hotel, and learns a lot from her.

This is a fabulous film, with details every bit as gorgeous as Downton Abbey, albeit brought downmarket to Dublin levels.

But it's also a tragic film. Every second you're expecting Nobbs' secret to come out, or her to lose the money she's so carefully saving for her own tobacconist shop.

REVIEW - Absentia

Two sisters, Tricia (whose husband walked out on her 7 years ago, and hasn't been seen since), and Callie (druggie, has also been on walkabout for a few years, but is back with Callie now) start to see things in and around their house, which happens to be near a tunnel under a road.

Callie has just declared her husband 'dead in absentia', and is starting to make plans to see the detective that has been doing the paperwork in her husband's departure.

There's little explanation of how Tricia's having a baby when her husband's been gone for 7 years.

Lots of creepy goings on, strange noises, tension and foreboding. All good stuff, but maybe not what you're looking for in a horror movie.  

If not, nothing much happens that'll make a fan of you, so don't bother.

As for me, I liked it.

RAVE - Act of Valor

This could have been the best action movie I've ever seen.

Could've been, but wasn't.

Sporting what has been advertised as a cast "made up of active service men and women", it felt like it. Because no-one could act. Not only could they not act, they couldn't talk properly. Not that real actors playing soldiers speak properly. Actors would talk gruffly, indistinctly, desperate to sound soldier-like. Real soldiers apparently, talk gruffly, but very distinctly, and from a soldier's hand-book.

Forgetting the cast, the action was non-stop. Absent were the blowhard commanders, organizing operations from their bunkers. Interestingly, at the same time that I was marveling at the equipment on display when running down a drug lord off the coast of Mexico - the multi-million dollar armored boats chasing a multi-million dollar power boat bearing the aforementioned baddie - Pavey was saying to herself that she thought the Navy Seals would be more tricked out with spy-type gadgetry.

So why wasn't it the best action movie I've ever seen? Well, in pursuing "reality", they forgot the story structure, and the logic required to round out that story. I don't have to be explicit about those details. Watch it and you can make your own mind up.

RANT - In Time

One of those variations on a theme of life being a ticking clock, or more strictly, of time being money. In this movie everyone by default stops aging at age 25, then only lives one more year. Money is one way to buy extra time, so the rich can live forever.

Justin Timberlake is from the working class, living a life that's driven by the time it takes to earn the credits, hours and minutes of life.

This felt antiseptic, like Gattaca from the same director, but not as good. It feels like real life that's stripped clean of much of what makes it satisfying. 

Add to that the annoying plot lapses: In a film that has everyone relying on the seconds they accrue or spend, how stupid to have a scene where someone says "Come on, I only have 11 hours remaining on my clock", then spend ten minutes in a scene after which they're asked how long they've got left, only to answer "nine hours fifteen minutes". Pointless.

All in all, a waste of precious time.

REVIEW - Inkubus

The film starts out with a mother giving birth to a monster.

That monster makes an appearance a couple of scenes later as a murderer, and another couple of scenes later in the police station, turning in a severed head as evidence.

So, I guess he's the Inkubus.

Strangely, for all the weird stuff that surrounds this character - both in real life, superstition, and this movie, the movie itself is flat. 

Despite starring Robert "Freddie Kreuger" Englund as the Inkubus, the movie is flat.

All of this is mostly down to its penny-pinching budget and the consequential setting of this in a few dimly- or starkly-lit rooms in a police station. It seems that all of the money set aside for the writing, the effects, and the scenery was blown on the necessarily light hearted crew's closing party.

Anyhow, if you want to know what the after-life in Walmarts is like, get a ticket.

RAVE - Contraband

Mark Wahlberg continues his Bourne-lite career, this time as a smuggler drawn back into a dangerous world of crime that he had sworn off.

Quite how he so easily plugs himself back into that world is perhaps a little far-fetched, but it seems  that within hours of reluctantly agreeing to a bit of thievery to help settle his brother-in-law's debt he's up to his neck in international skull-duggery.

Anyway, it's all enjoyable stuff from this crime fan's perspective, and well worth viewing.

It deserves a better review than the one I'm giving it now, but blame that on doing it now, six weeks after seeing it, rather than on coming out of the theatre.

Standards are slipping.

REVIEW - Hugo

In 1930s Paris, Hugo Cabret lives in the secret spaces of a railway station, and wonders about an automaton that his father had created, that requires a heart-shaped key to start.

From that very kid-centric premise flows a movie that, despite employing fabulous scenes and wonderful effects, is still a kids' movie.

Martin Scorsese delivers a good-looking, high-quality children's movie, that for some reason has won a host of awards.

It's strange how Hollywood's penchant for bringing out three or four movies at a time, all bearing the same message, has resulted in this case in films like Hugo and Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close. Both works of art, both apparently complex, yet both making the same point: that finding their father is at the heart of every young boy.

As long as you accept this as a children's movie, you won't be disappointed.

RANT - Elevator

Not to be confused with Devil ("A group of people are trapped in an elevator and the Devil is mysteriously amongst them"), this is one tired movie.

The two movies share so much - a plot, an elevator that's glacier slow, and a cast devoid of star material. I can just see them lining up to play someone stuck in an elevator for ninety minutes.

What the audience knows, but the elevator riders are blissfully unaware of, is that there's a bomb onboard. One of the riders is carrying a bomb intended for the party they're all going to on the top floor of the hotel.

Which makes the glitch in the elevator that's holding them on the 47th floor really inconvenient.

I suppose they did the best they could with the limited script and the narrow possibilities in an elevator, but in the end it was just too much, or too little.

REVIEW - Deviation

A prisoner escapes from Broadmoor high-security psychiatric hospital on the outskirts of London, kidnapping a young mother.

The film mostly takes place in and around the victim's car.

The role of Frank Norton, the tortured madman, is played with the appropriate degree of mayhem, but the overall pace is a bit slow.

It's an interesting turn, but in the end dogged by the need to show Norton as a mixed-up, rather than a plain old murderous beast.

REVIEW - Like Crazy

Two LA students - one an American guy,  the other a British girl - fall in love. When they graduate, she visits home in the UK, but then is prevented from returning to the US by her visa.

The couple then spends the next several months contending with US immigration laws, trying to get things set straight so they can be together.

Before I knew it I was wrapped up in a dreaded romantic story.

One reviewer has said they "recommend this film to people who have experienced a long distant relationship ....", but as someone who has spent time in this exact situation I can say it was horrible being reminded of that time.

But enough of being romantic.

As a love story it was moving, if - for the reasons I mentioned - a little painful. But as anything else, it was non-event. And talk about an unresolved ending!

REVIEW - Demons Never Die

I don't know why this needs a warning like this - after all, it wouldn't be an important factor in a TV drama - but this movie boasts a tiny budget.

After a student dies in what looks like a suicide, 8 of her friends decide to follow her. But no sooner than their death pact is made, they start dying at the hands of character or characters unknown.

Unfortunately, the film spends too much time listening to the 8 bang on about how allegedly troubled their lives are, while we wait for something to happen.

I know it sound crass of me to say that, but the film doesn't pretend to do anything else. It doesn't try to examine the root causes of the group's problems, instead it just records the results.

Like most British films, or at least a high percentage of them, it has a great soundtrack.

Oh, and a confusing ending.