REVIEW - Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction - 2009

The very nature of this annual event demands that old rockers are led out and lauded. This year it was the turn of Jeff Beck and Metallica.

I only caught half of this year's show from Madison Square Gardens, but highlights included the following geriatric gyrations:

Jeff Beck, ridiculously voted by Rolling Stone Magazine as one of the "100 best guitarists in the World" when he belongs in the Top 10, certainly deserved better than being one of the seeming 50+ musicians and singers in guest Stevie Wonder's Superstition retread.

But it was Metallica's performance that shocked and disappointed at the same time. After delivering one of their many lacklustre songs (clearly, I'm not a huge fan), they invited on stage the following trio of old farts:

• Lou Reed, now aged 67 but looking 30 years older than that - doddling onto the stage like he was missing his walker (that's American for Zimmer Frame) being handed a guitar (he couldn't have found it on his own), and forgetting the words to Sweet Jane. Oh how the mighty are fallen.

• Next guest out was Ozzy Osbourne, who certainly looked sprightlier than Lou Reed, but relied a little too much on makeup and F-bombs to look and sound relevant - and still failed.

• Ray Davies of The Kinks, who has resorted to massive hair-coloring to mask the fact that his never-strong voice is now terrible.

Metallica rescued their set with the always excellent Enter Sandman.

Somehow that reminds me of that classic Peter Kay scene, where he looks into the future and sees himself admonishing his kids to "Put on some of that Prodigy for your nan. Go on, put on some 'Slap my bitch up' to get her dancing". I tried to find it on YouTube, but I think it may have only been on audio CD.

Back to R&R Hall of Fame: for no apparent reason (they weren't being inducted), next up was U2, who banged out a couple of standards and then brought on Bruce Springsteen (who's looking more and more like a thinner, tanner Robert De Niro), and a rare outing from Patti Smith (who also had her hair colored, but does absolutely nothing else to improve her looks and appearance). Finally, out strutted Mick Jagger, who if nothing else showed how a 65-year old SHOULD strut. Clearly, Lou Reed shot a few more CCs of heroin over the years than did Mick Jagger.

Best vocal performance of the night - and I never thought I'd live to say this - was from that slapper from Black Eyed Peas, Fergie. She belted out the chorus of some old Stones song. And I thought she was all T&A.