RANT - Luce

A moderately expensive disaster. 

We went Saturday night, 8-9.30pm, and we were practically the only diners. Our solitary-ness allowed us to focus on all the things wrong with the food, which was overly fussy without being tasty. 

The obvious effort put into the creation and presentation of the food was ruined by bones in the John Dory, and the almost raw Squab. "Pink" my ass. 

Wine was good, but then I chose that so they couldn't screw it up.

RANT - La Mar

After a pleasing first impression (on first walking in, the place has an impressive, vibrant feel) pretty much everything else - except the service - was a let-down. 

I just don't know what all the fuss is about the food (Peruvian in general, La Mar in particular). 

The Cebiche Chifa and the Tiraditos Classico were both cut too thick to compare favorably with Sashimi (as the menu attempts). The Octopus skewers looked like turds on sticks, and tasted - presumably - not much better. The Empanadas were OK, but my Una (the one filled with meat and olives) was pure stodge, and mostly inedible. 

So, all in all, we had great hopes that were sufficiently dashed that we probably won't bother going back. A shame, all in all.

REVIEW - Zuni Cafe

This is another place - like Boulevard, Gary Danko, Masa's - where the attraction escapes me.

Maybe that's a little harsh. I can see the attraction, but can't see why they're held in such high esteem.

Zuni is, in my view, just another decent restaurant. It's one of many good restaurants in the Castro, but is eclipsed by many others in the wider market.

What everyone agrees is that it's been consistent for 30 years. By that token, it should get the Paul McCartney award, for consistent performers, once true market leaders but no longer relevant in the face of younger, better competition.

REVIEW - Gary Danko

Like Boulevard, Gary Danko is one of those hugely popular and highly-rated San Francisco institutions that I just don't get.

Yes, the food was good, but marred by the noisy and oh-so-touristy atmosphere. Where I was expecting a Michael Mina-esque vibe to go with the very many plaudits, what we got was a crash-bang clatter of visitors who seemed to have snorted a bit too much of the Danko dust.

Whenever I hear the strains of "happy birthday" it usually does it for me, and sure enough that's what we got. 

I'm sorry to be such a scrooge, but while I like a bit of raucous noise, I draw the line at listening to wait staff pretending to revel in a customer's birthday candle blowing.

For real class, I'll stick with Coi, Mina, or Fifth Floor.

RAVE - Bistro Don Giovanni

We found this place by accident not long after we moved here from England.

We went to Nadja and Peter's perfect wedding at the Peju Province winery in Napa. We stayed at a B and B 50 yards from Bistro Don Giovanni, fell in love with it, and it became the only restaurant in the Bay Area that we make a point of driving an hour to eat at.

We based the menu for our own wedding around the lamb shank we devoured at Don Giovanni's. Whenever visitors come into town and want to visit Napa, we make sure we eat at Don G's.

Summer Sunday lunch or dinner is picture-perfect outside the Don's, and I'll have to cut it there otherwise I'll be calling him D.

REVIEW - Beretta

I kind of see why people like this, for its unpretentious, natural vibe.

That said, the food's nothing to write home about. It's honest but unspectacular.

Admittedly, it's at the "wrong" end of Valencia, almost in the Outer Mission.

I preferred the place when it was the genuinely weird and wonderful Radio Valencia (the only time I've seen a genuinely bearded woman, and the only place on the west coast where I've ever seen a bluegrass band).

Anyhoo, Beretta is worth a visit if you're already out there in the nether reaches.

RAVE - Bar Bambino

This is one of those places I never get tired of.

A fabulously eclectic menu, and staff to match.

One of the partners - I'm sorry I don't know her name - has a wonderfully down-to-earth approach and great insight into the wine. I always enjoy talking to her, discussing the menu and wine choices. My picky old self certainly can't say that about too many places.

Thoroughly recommend this gem in the always excellent Mission.

If you're going with 4 or more, make sure to reserve the big table in the back room (but not right at the back, in the yard).

RAVE - A16

Aside from the virtual impossibility of parking in The Marina, and A16's lack of valet parking (wow, I'm sounding so old fart-ish), this would be a regular destination for us.

Great atmosphere, whether you're in the main front section or the plastic tented back yard. Great food, whether you're going for pizza, pasta or polenta.

Becoming somewhat of an institution (and there are better pizza and pasta places in more accessible parts of the city).

It's hard to say anything original about this place - so many people have been there, rated it and recommended it.

They're all right.

REVIEW - Prana

Food was patchy - 5 out of our 6 dishes were greasy (the pot stickers, pecorino-wasabi fries, eggplant pakora, jicama rolls and dosa quesadilla).

No sympathy from my wife of course: "What do you expect, you ordered all the greasy dishes on the menu".

The only saving grace was the Tandoori chicken. We may go back and give them another chance, but for a different meal selection.

The place is a combo restaurant and nightclub. Consequently, the decor might be an acquired taste for some, and the bass-heavy sound system would annoy your parents.

RAVE - Conduit

Surprisingly quiet on a Wednesday night (only a handful of tables occupied), but the food was pretty darned good.

I loved the fish and chips appetizer (3 finger-sized pieces of batter cod and 3 chunky fries, with a dipping sauce that was perhaps a bit sickly creamy) and then the pork sous vide, which was tastier than the usually bland sous vides I've had elsewhere.

George loved the Little Gem salad, but thought his True Cod was a bit too rich, when combined with the equally rich couscous.

A nice bottle of Sancerre for $40 and the whole thing was just $115 before tip. A "price performer" as George loves to say (when he finds one).

RAVE - Quince (at it's 'old' space, now occupied by Baker and Banker)

Despite my dislike of hearing "happy birthday" sung in a restaurant, I DO like celebrating a birthday with dinner and friends.

This is what we did for Pavey and Simi's adjacent birthdays, with the celebrating duly shared at Quince.

I know exactly what we had, because they printed a menu for us, personalized with our birthday girls' names.

• Moro Bay Spot Prawn, with first of the season fava beans.
• Willey Farm Artichoke Flan, wild nettles and pecorino cheese.
• Chitarra sea urchin, saffron and Dirty Girl Farm cauliflower.
• Tierra Farm Sunchoke Tortelli, with black truffle sauce.
• Five Dot Ranch Beef Strip loin, with salsify-potato croquettes, wild mushrooms and spinach.

Chocolate caramel tile, brown butter and passion fruit sorbetto.

$110 per person, and we didn't feel like we overpaid.

Quince has since moved from its Pacific Heights address (now occupied by Baker and Banker) to the old Myth space near Jackson Square.