A totally predictable, three-dimensioned pile of derivative poo that I should be shot for allowing myself to see. The grammar there is probably just as bad as the film it's attempting to describe, but at least it's accurate.
I was in a strange city (Atlanta), and with no preparation or planning I got a taxi from my hotel to the nearest movie complex and stood in line to see what was playing. I'd seen most of the films already, except for "Texas 3D". I hadn't heard of a film called "Texas", 2D or 3D. It was rated R, so at least I knew it couldn't be a kid's film, so I paid my $11.50, bought my Diet Coke and sauntered off to sit, virtually alone in Screening Room 11. I was just congratulating myself on arriving, unplanned, precisely when the movie was starting, when the horrible news played out - Texas Chainsaw.
It was much warmer there in the theater than it was outside, so I stayed and watched the unlikely story of a surviving member of the original murderous family who attacks a party of stupid twenty somethings (i.e. a group of dumb asses who never turn the lights on when they venture into a dark basement, and never think that it's unwise to explore an empty house alone).
It's a testament to the predictability and greed of Hollywood that there have been FIVE remakes of the 1974 "classic", from Texas Chainsaw Massacre - The Next Generation, through Massacre 2, Texas Chainsaw Massacre - The Beginning, and one remake that was so lazy and unimaginative that it used the same name as the original.
Needless to say, avoid this one like there's someone threatening you with, um, a Chainsaw.
No comments:
Post a Comment