Updating Admiral Horatio Nelson's demand from the deck of HMS Victory, just as the Battle of Trafalgar was about to commence, may be a waste of breath when it comes to the England football team.
Their performance so far in this World Cup has led to booing from England fans who've paid several thousand pounds to travel to South Africa, only to watch and groan in disappointment as the team plays like a ladies' netball team.
My brother Lawrence, the Page family's prime football pundit, used this analogy when I phoned him to commiserate this morning: "If you bought a Ferrari, hoping to enjoy the advertised 0-150 mph in 12 seconds, and it maxed out at 30 mph, you'd take it straight back to the dealer!" [cue throngs of Englishmen muttering into their beers]
My own analysis is that watching the first two games with Gareth and Amo has jinxed the team, so I'll be watching next Thursday's game against Slovenia (a bleary 4am kickoff in California) on my own.
No doubt my Vuvuzela will wake Pavey and the neighbors up, as will my yelps of delight or curses of disgust, depending on the team's performance.
They can't do any worse :(
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