RAVE - State Bird Provisions

I guess there's little point in singing the praises of this white hot restaurant in one of San Francisco's less desirable neighborhood's - steps from the Boom Boom Room - when so many people have already done so, but our visit there last evening at least showed why this place has such a following.

First, getting a reservation requires dedication, perseverance, and - in our case - someone else to get that reservation and then be unable to make it due to lack of a babysitter. And then it was 6pm on a Monday evening, a time when we'd normally be traveling home from work and looking forward to a completely blank agenda.

On this Monday however, the agenda was decidedly un-blanked at the last minute and 8 lucky souls swept into a frenetic State Bird dining room.

Small parties can choose from the restaurant's roving carts of Dim Sum-style selections. Groups of our size are required to have the tasting menu, which last night was seventeen courses, comprising:

• Hog Island oyster, spicy kohlrabi kraut and sesame
• Fuyu persimmon with kinako
• Tuna conserve 'chip and dip'
• Hedgehog mushroom toast
• Sourdough, sauerkraut, pecorino and ricotta pancake
• Duck liver mousse with almond biscuit

• Garlic bread with burrata
• Fresh Hawaiian heart of palm salad with tahini-chili oil
• Pork belly citrus salad
• Cast iron quail eggs, farro, green olive salsa verde and apple
• Huckleberry beet and goat cheese

• California State bird (quail) with provisons
• Maitake and duck fried rice a la plancha
• Dungeness crab kimchi yuba with smoked egg bottarga
• Grilled beef with king trumpets, brussels sprouts and umeboshi-rosemary vinaigrette

• Cheesecake japonaise, guava cream, kiwi, pomelo
• Szechuan pepper ice cream sandwich, chocolate beer coulis, cashews

There was nothing overly fancy, fussy, or frou-frou about the food. It was all brilliantly-prepared, with everything tasting just right. There wasn't a moment when we weren't getting served the next course, getting our wine glasses topped up, or asked if everything was to our liking.

And it most definitely was.

REVIEW - Blackhat

Every actor goes through a time in their career - not necessarily towards the end of it - when they appear in a foreign-funded movie. Anyone remember Russell Crowe in that terrible kung-fu movie The Man With The Iron Fists? Anyhow, I digress.

This was Chris Hemsworth's presumably Chinese-funded movie, judging by the number of Chinese actors and the Hong Kong and Jakarta locations.

It was a topical subject - cyber crime - with a couple of twists, but the acting is a dud. From everyone. We all know Thor Hemsworth couldn't act his way out of a wet paper bag. His love interest - the supposedly computer network-savvy Wei Tong - spent all of her time fussing with her hair and keeping her face completely expressionless. Viola Davis looks more and more like an Oprah Winfrey type who applies her make-up in the dark every time she turns out. And so it went.

While most of the computer hacking action was accurate, I can't say in my 30 years of working in IT that I've ever seen a program that makes a noise as it downloads data. And yet this, and pretty much every film featuring a data download, insists on having some bogus "downloading" noise.

Aside from that, the movie was mildly interesting. That's all.

REVIEW - Crystal Jade Jiang Nan

Does this newly-opened place live up to the hype?

It serves Cantonese and Teochew cuisine which, to this amateur diner felt like regular but fancy Chinese food.

The luxury goods company LVMH - Louis Vuitton Moet Hennessy - has spent $14m creating a large restaurant in the Embarcadero 4 building, with views of the Ferry Building and Bay Bridge.

Quite where all that money went is mostly beyond me, as there was no wow factor when we entered, and once we were eating we realized there was no atmosphere, no warmth, nothing that rocked our Teochew socks.

It was big, I'll give 'em that. But it wasn't buzzing. It seemed full of families and kids sat around large tables, making the usual noises that families and kids do. The much-reported clunky service from poorly-trained staff wasn't that apparent. Our main waiter was still reading from his list of specialties, although the rest of the staff that served each of our courses did their job as one would expect.

Our food - Peking Duck pancakes, peppered beef cubes, French bean and chicken, spring pea shoots, and rice - came out in an odd sequence, but all tasted very good.

All in all, it did not live up to LVMH's hype, and rival Hakkasan still delivers the best and most luxurious Chinese night out in San Francisco.

RAVE - American Sniper

A typical Clint Eastwood directed action movie, this was a true story about Navy Seal Chris Kyle, who did four tours of duty in Iraq as a sniper.

The exposure these soldiers have to operate under, with the ever-present threat from enemy fire amid the skeletons of Fallujah's buildings, was excellently portrayed, as was the way that during each of Kyle's trips back home to Texas he couldn't leave the tensions of Iraq behind.

Kyle was the most successful US sniper in history, with around 200 kills. His effectiveness as a sniper earned him several medals, and a $160,000 bounty put on his head by the Iraqi insurgents.

While it felt ultra-realistic, I wouldn't say the film was a thriller - probably because of Eastwood's refusal to glamorize or tart up the action in any way. Great nonetheless.

REVIEW - Nico

Another one of Michael Bauer's (SF food critic) shabby recommendations. Funnily enough, I was in a bar Saturday night when MB's name came up, and the word from the barkeeper was that "everyone knows who he is ... he's a failed sportswriter".

Anyhow, the former sportswriter may visit a lot of the Bay Area's restaurants, but in my humble view he's wrong more often than he's right about those places.

Despite his fulsome praise for Nico, we found the 5 course set menu to be full of uninteresting, mostly weak tastes.

The first course - Scallops with Perigord truffles was inoffensive, but lacking note. Next, came an endive salad with pureed pear and another ingredient that neither of us can remember, or care about. Then, black cod that was barely cooked - which might have been what the chef was going for, for some inexplicable reason. If we'd wanted sushi we'd have gone elsewhere. Fourth, we got chicken cooked two ways - neither of them revealing much energy or taste. Finally, a chocolate mousse, with meringue. Probably the best of the five courses.

Thankfully, I had the wine pairing and a beautiful chauffeur.

REVIEW - Selma

I know I'll get lambasted by my wife - who loved this film, and my African-American friends - who'll no doubt be too committed to the subject to let me get away with an "it was dull" comment. But it was. Dull.

I know Martin Luther King is almost a Saint to most Americans. I know, therefore, that everything he did and said is hallowed by the same side of America. Therefore, it is important to hear again the story of his organization of the march from Selma, Alabama to the state capital of Montgomery to protest the South's prevention of its black population registering to vote - even though the recently passed Civil Rights Act legalized and allowed them to register.  And then there's Governor George Wallace's (Tim Roth) hastily enacted law preventing marches, and President Johnson's (Tom Wilkinson) hemming and hawing saying his plate was too full to do anything about the black vote.

One would have thought there were enough elements to the story to make it somewhat more gripping than the limp makeover this film gave us.

REVIEW - Aquitaine

There are a couple of new trends in SF dining that we've seen emerge during the past few months: Japanese and French restaurants. That second trend led to Michael Bauer, SF food critic reviewing new French restaurant Aquitaine and giving it a thumbs up.

Yet again, I have to disagree with Monsuier Bauer, who declared the cassoulet "worth driving hundreds of miles for". I tried Aquitaine's cassoulet and believe I could save several hours by driving instead to Yountville's Bistro Jeanty, whose cassoulet was a piping hot dish of vibrant ingredients. I found the Aquitaine version to be a dull and stodgy copy, with half the volume and one tenth the flavor.

Other courses similarly left us wanting. Madamoiselle Page's Serrano Ham with Tomato, Garlic and Thyme Tartines seemed lackluster when compared with the same fare a week or so ago at Coquetta. My Brochettes - Prosciutto, Cheese, Cherry Tomatoes, and Pickled Piparra Peppers sounded much more dramatic than they in fact were - bits of mismatched stuff stuck on a few sticks. Her Coq Au Vin was also lacking when compared with the competition.

The wine choices proved interesting and tasty though, which partially made up for the less than stellar food and the lack of Saturday night vigor at the half-empty Aquitaine.

RAVE - Bruce Grobbelaar at Kezar Bar

I'm not usually one to tag along after sports personalities - at least not for the past 17 years, where living in California has reduced my watching of soccer to the televised Premiership games, and cricket to a virtual non-existence.

However, when ex-Liverpool goalkeeper Bruce Grobbelaar made an appearance at the newly-formed Liverpool Football Club SF Supporters gathering at the Kezar Bar, I made a willing exception.

He looked fit and healthy for his 57 years, and recounted his years at the greatest football team in the world - yeah, I know I'm biased - to a packed and eager crowd of 70 or so fans.

He then answered questions from the audience, many of which revolved around "how can Liverpool get back to the top of the league while having lost their leading scorer Luis Suarez to Barcelona, their current best player Daniel Sturridge to months of injury, and soon their captain Steven Gerrard to LA Galaxy?"

Most of his answers instead - perhaps predictably bearing in mind his own particular skills - focused on the dismal state of the team's current goalkeepers Simon Mignolet and Brad Jones.

I sealed the evening by getting him to sign a couple of postcards to my brother, Lawrence.

YNWA

REVIEW - The Gambler

Watching films or documentaries about drug addiction is as tough for many people - including me - as it is following stories about individuals suffering with another addiction, to gambling. And watching either - when they feature lame acting by cardboard characters - make them even tougher to watch.

The plot - if you can call it that - revolves around an English teacher (Mark Wahlberg) who gambles big time on Blackjack and Roulette in his spare time. This brings him into contact with a sinister trio of money lenders - one Korean, one African American, and one large, white guy. Wahlberg spends the entire film borrowing from one to pay the other - or more often than not to gamble further instead of paying off the others.

Wahlberg isn't a good enough actor to pull off the pages of dialog the role calls for, and everyone else seems there just to pad it out to its full ninety minutes.

Disappointing.

RANT - The Interview

The publicity saved it from being a commercial flop, but even Kim Jung Un's weirdness couldn't make this piece of crap funny.

RAVE - Farmhouse Inn, Forestville

Taking advantage of the low holiday road traffic, and our equally low stash of fresh food at home, we trundled up to the Sonoma area for a stay at the uber-Luxe Farmhouse and their even uberer-Luxe restaurant.

The menu sounds straightforward, but that hides it's all around excellence. The dining room is elegant; the service impeccable. And the food is outstanding.

Mrs P had the crab crepe, scallops, elk, and cheese. I had the lobster, the gnocchi and truffles, the other half of that elk, and most of the Vosne Romanee.

What crowned the weekend was that it was all her ladyship's treat!

RAVE - Coqueta

If your body craves rich food; food that's richer than Croesus; food that would make Governor Chris Christie think "Oh, that's a bit rich for me!", then Coqueta is the place for you.

Despite the fact that a friend of ours used to own the restaurant before it became Coqueta, and despite the fact that its current owner is a "TV Chef", and despite the fact that he annoys the spit out of me by pronouncing caramelize as carmelize, I love this place.

It always has a festive atmosphere, and the food is sumptuous.

There are plenty of places in San Francisco serving Spanish Tapas, and they usually offer tasty - yes, and rich - plates of patatas bravas, or albondigas. But Coqueta manages to turn those humble dishes into works of art, flavored with peppers, olives, and various tasty herbs.