RAVE - Avatar

The only way James Cameron could've improved this film was by re-directing $5m from the production budget into my new car budget. No-one would've noticed that tiny amount sliced from the film's cost, but I would now be staring at a Bugatti Veyron in my driveway.

Instead, I am left to marvel at a movie that has changed the playing field, moved the goalposts and gone to the top of the League. All pretty good stuff for a film that has nothing to do with sports.

It already looks like the $300-500m (no-one's admitting just how much was spent) will show a healthy return, seeing as every man and his robot dog has already caught this movie.

In 3D IMAX this was a mind-bending, almost hallucinatory experience. Now I know what it's (allegedly) like to be Pete Doherty of Babyshambles. On the down-side, I'm not sure if 3D actually improved the film. The trailers - none of which was 3D - all looked brighter and sharper, suggesting that the 3D glasses or the 3D itself made the movie less sharp. Strangely, I might have been happier with the regular, 2D version.

The final scenes were curiously reminiscent of Buzz Lightyear fighting a couple of steroid-laden Trojans (from Troy, not condoms, you asses).

A fabulous film in every sense of the word, with a genuinely fresh way of delivering a sci-fi tale. I read somewhere that Cameron thought that no previous team had got the CGI facial movements right, and looking at Avatar I believe him. He eclipsed all earlier efforts at creating "natural" looking alien life, whatever that means. Next time I enjoy a close encounter of the third kind, I'll be looking extra close to see if the six eyes are real.

If you haven't already seen Avatar, cut along to your nearest multiplex asap, or you'll have nothing to talk about on New Years Eve.

RANT - A Number

Coulda shoulda woulda.

First of all, make sure you know there are only 2 characters, and it's based on a play. Reminds me of the genuinely funny time when Amo and Gareth went to see Sweeney Todd and came back disappointed because they didn't know it was a mysical. Well, "genuinely funny" for anyone who hadn't trotted along with them expecting a thriller.

A Number is about a son (Rhys Ifans) confronting his father (Tom Wilkinson) when he finds out he's a clone and there are 19 others exactly like him.

While the actors performed admirably, the result was drier than gulping sawdust in the Sahara.

RAVE - My Setanta Sports purchase powers Liverpool to victory over Villa

I've been increasingly vexed by the amount of Premiership soccer action being shown on the Setanta Sports channel.

"Vexed" because I'm already subscribed to Fox Soccer Channel, and have seen a gradual switching of games from FSC to STS since the latter went bust in Europe earlier this year. I'm not sure how a financial reversal in Europe so quickly translated into wider exposure here in the soccer desert of America, but let's not look that particular gift horse in the mouth.

Anyhow, for an extra $15 per month I get to see all the action, whether it's on FSC or STS.

On the down-side, both channels are broadcast in FD - Fuzzy Definition. Heaven knows what hardware and software they use to capture, fuzz up, transmit and deliver the signal to me, but I'm sure they're congratulating themselves on the bargain equipment they got from eBay.

Most important is that within minutes of adding STS to my soccer smorgasbord, Liverpool beat Aston Villa 1-0 to move within a Spanish omelette's slice of a top 4 spot in the only league that matters in the world. (If I could only have worked a third obscure gastronomic reference in there, I might have expected an offer to become The Times' Sports Food correspondent).

I'm just glad that my little contribution helped my team.

RAVE - 2009 Review from Dave Barry

The full and fabulous review of the year from Dave Barry is here.

Here's a soupcon (sans cedilla) ...

DECEMBER

. . . President Obama, after weeks of pondering what to do about the pesky war situation he inherited, announces a decision -- widely viewed as a compromise -- in which he will send 30,000 additional troops to Afghanistan, but will name their mission "Operation Gentle Butterfly.''

On the economic front, the nation's unemployment rate remains stubbornly high as it becomes clear that the $787 billion stimulus package has created a total of only eight jobs, all in the field of highway-construction flagperson. Looking for solutions, the president hosts a White House "jobs summit'' attended by political, business and labor leaders, as well as 23 Portuguese tourists who got lost while trying to visit the Washington Monument and somehow penetrated White House security. Meanwhile, in what is believed to be the largest Craigslist transaction ever, California sells San Diego to Mexico.

On the environmental front, Copenhagen hosts a massive international conference aimed at halting manmade global warming, attended by thousands of delegates who flew to Denmark on magical carbon-free unicorns.

In the Middle East, U.N. nuclear inspectors become suspicious when Iran attempts to ship to Israel, via UPS, a large crate labeled "HARMLESS ITEMS -- DELIVER BEFORE TIMER REACHES 00:00.''

There are other troubling year-end developments:

• In a setback for U.S. interests in Central America, voters in Honduras elect, as their new president, Rod Blagojevich.
• The International Space Station is taken over by Somali pirates.
• In sports, roughly 40 percent of the U.S. bimbo population announces that it has at one time or another hiked the Appalachian Trail with Tiger Woods.
• Also, as the year draws to a close, the Centers for Disease Control releases an urgent bulletin warning of a new, fast-spreading epidemic consisting of severe, and in some cases life-threatening, arm infections caused by "people constantly sneezing into their elbow pits.''
• But despite all the gloomy news, the holiday season brings at least temporary relief to a troubled nation -- especially the children, millions of whom go to sleep on Christmas Eve with visions of Santa in his reindeer-powered sleigh flying high overhead, spreading joy around the world.
• With a North Korean missile flying right behind.

Try not to think about it. And happy New Year.

RANT - TSA = Try Something. Anything!

As we flew back from Mexico to San Francisco last night, we suffered the latest botched security measures that try to counter an equally botched attempt on the Northwestern Nigeria to Amsterdam  to Detroit flight.

It's not that increased security measures aren't necessary or welcome, but that these latest measures are a perfect example of shutting the barn doors after the horses have bolted. And the wrong doors at that.

First of all - and these anomalies can be found no doubt in Mexico, Nigeria and many places from which US-bound flights originate - when landing in Cabo a week ago our luggage was sent through X-Ray scanners. I'll repeat that: for some inexplicable reason our luggage was scanned after we collected it from the carousel and before we could exit the airport. What the Mexican authorities were hoping to spot that had not been spotted before we boarded the flight in the USA we couldn't guess.

Much more concerning was that when we checked in for our flight back to San Francisco, there were no scanners in sight. Our checked luggage was instead cursorily inspected by hand. Presumably, the airport couldn't afford X-Ray machines to keep those pesky Al-Qaeda mules off our flight.

Upon boarding, we found that the TSA hadn't admitted to screwing up by allowing the attempted murderer to a) being on the list of known terrorism risks while b) having a valid US visa and c) being able to take not one but two flights (Lagos to Amsterdam and then Amsterdam to Detroit), but had decided to initiate measures that had nothing to do with said attempted murderers' Modus Operandi.

What these new measures (preventing passengers from leaving their seats or using electronic devices or having any personal items on their laps within the final hour of the flight) have to do with the latest attempt on our scandalous western lives is a complete mystery to me, seeing as the attempted murderer did not have to leave his seat to activate his device, nor was the device electronic, nor were the components in his lap. Presumably Islamic would-be murderers flying to the west coast from Europe or Africa will be able to work out they can set fire to their legs during the 3+ hours they're flying over the USA and before the magic 1 hour shut-off comes into effect.

Why not properly use the in-place methods for counter-terrorism? Use the freaking databases of known suspects to stop those known risky persons from flying here in the first place. Use the methods that experts say would have prevented Umar Farouk Abdullmutalab (pictured above) from getting a bloody ticket here! Like proper body pat-down inspections, sniffer dogs and explosive sensing electronics.

Having never been on a list of suspected terrorists, never flown to the USA from a muslim stronghold, and never having been schooled by Al Qaeda, I wonder why I have undergone ALL of those tests at one time or another. The fact that we rarely, if ever hear of attempted murderers being apprehended during check in, I also wonder if these approved and recommended methods of detection are rarely and/or haphazardly used.

REVIEW - True Blue, by David Baldacci

This would've been a RAVE if Baldacci hadn't based the whole story on the unlikely premise that police chief Beth Perry would've allowed her just-out-of-prison sister Mace Perry to visit an active crime scene and continue to investigate the dirty deeds of a shadowy team from Homeland Security. Aside from requiring the reader suspend belief for that thread, it was a good read.

What it proved more is that reading books on this Kindle thingamabob is easier and more efficient than the real thing.

The moment Amazon invents the KindleWife you'll see a revolution.

RAVE - Appetite for Self-Destruction, by Steve Knopper

As a keen musicologist with around 2,000 CDs and 80,000 digital songs, I have mixed views of the Music Industry. On the one hand I absolutely understand, and respect the view that artists are due the right payment or royalty for their work. On the other hand, and as this book reveals, the Industry itself as screwed up time after time when it comes to developing, monetizing and protecting music in its varied formats.

Cleverly borrowing from (pirating?) the Guns N' Roses tune, this book covers what it calls "The spectacular crash of the record industry in the digital age". It's not the easiest read on the shelf - too many names, dates, meetings and opposing views of the same business opportunities - but it is a vivid account of an ongoing mess.

Having already bought and lost hundreds of thousands of songs in varied formats - vinyl, 8-track, reel-to-reel tape, cassette, CD and now iPod-compatible - the record / music industry has made tens of thousands of dollars out of me.

Do they care? Do they hell.

So, when quarter after quarter, year end after year end, music industry execs comment about digital music sales while whining about how much more it could have been if no-one pirated that music, I focus on how soon it'll be before they force me to buy my music all over again.

RAVE - Rough Country, by John Sandford

Polished this off in less than a day, and while it's not the best detective novel I've ever read, it was a pleasure to read something that made sense and was well thought through, unlike the Scott Collins mess that so disappointed me yesterday.

While books by serial detective writers (James Patterson, David Baldacci, Michael Connelly et al) tend to meld into one, mostly formulaic stream, Rough Country had enough depth and detail to keep me interested throughout, and guessing to the last few pages.

Let's see if my next read, by the aforementioned Baldacci, can carry on the intrigue.

RANT - Days' End, by Scott L. Collins

If I hadn't been carousing by the pool I would have marked this book down as a total waste of time.

I was expecting this to be a holiday book, and little more. Secret cloning projects, computer hacking, mysterious multi-billionaire.

However, it turned out to be a quasi-religious "novel" centered on the highly-illogical and completely unexplained fact that Judas Iscariot is still wandering the earth 2,000 years after he supposedly died, has somehow made billions of dollars (again unexplained), used part of said fortune to have someone forge a copy of the Turin Shroud, tricked another someone at The Vatican to allow him access to the real Shroud, swapped 'em, built a secret underground laboratory in Colorado, recruited the world's top cloning experts to extract the DNA from the Shroud and clone, you guessed it, Jesus.

Why he wants to do this is never explained, but that's not the jaw-droppingly stupidest part of the book. In an almost "oh, by the way" manner, volcanoes are going off around the world, a tsunami destroys the whole east coast of the USA, including leveling New York, Washington DC and a number of less deserving cities, and meteors are smashing into Earth releasing deadly viruses - your basic end of the world scenario.

The plot holes are big enough to drive a Hummer through, and I don't mind giving away the details because on no account should you waste any time reading this drivel.

There. Are we clear?

RAVE - Whale of a time in Cabo

What started as a snorkeling day out turned into a bonus whale-watching trip.

On our way out of Cabo marina in a sleek 37-foot catamaran we cruised past the touristy rock formation that sticks out south and separates the Pacific from the calmer Sea of Cortez.

After a few obligatory photos and already into a second margharita we saw our first grey whale. It came as a surprise to everyone, so there are no pictures of that beast.

However, just a few minutes later we saw the spout of a second whale, and the signature tail wave as it went back under for another container load of krill.

After sufficient distance was placed between us and the harmless-but-scary whales, we anchored in a small bay, sucked on the flippers and masks and plopped into the sea. The fish were colorful and plentiful, and while the water wasn't hot tub temperature, we had a beautiful day out.

All sounds a bit travel-mag-ish, doesn't it?

RAVE - The Irregulars - Roald Dahl and the British Spy Ring in Wartime Washington, by Jennet Conant

Breezily written account of the lengths Winston Churchill went to in order to persuade America to enter the War properly.

A network of thousands of British and Canadian undercover operatives working in North and South America, manipulating public opinion and political action to out-maneuver American isolationists.

Full of juicy gossip about wealthy, adulterous Washington society, albeit 70 years old now. Roald Dahl - better known for writing Gremlins, James and the Giant Peach, and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - rubbed shoulders with fellow "spies" Noel Coward, David Ogilvy (of Ogilvy & Mather advertising fame), Charles Hambro (who later became director of Hambro's Bank and many other successful corporations) and Ian Fleming (who later invented James Bond). Not only did each of these players go on to make serious coin, Fleming used many of their circle as inspirations for characters in his Bond stories.

This is my favorite kind of history - where you get educated and entertained at the same time.

RAVE - Top 50 Cover Songs

This is what you get when you spend long enough in the sun listening to tunes you never knew you had on your iPod.

The list proves, at least to me, that when covering a song, you must first of all pick a good song to cover – a lesson sorely missed by many American Idol and Britain’s Got Talent hopefuls.

While compiling this, I worked out that the most candidates were written by Bob Dylan, The Cure, and The Clash.

1. Creedence Clearwater Revival – I Put A Spell On You. John Fogerty has such a unique voice, and improves massively on the weird 1957 original from Screamin’ Jay Hawkins.
2. The Clash – Police And Thieves. According to Junior Murvin, its writer, The Clash “destroyed Jah work”. Aah, those crazy Rastafarians.
3. The Clash – Police On My Back. I love(d) this song from my favorite neo-Punks. Only after many years did I learn it was a cover of an Equals tune.
4. Pato Banton – Rock The Casbah. Barely recognizable cover of The Clash.
5. Aztec Camera – Jump. It takes nerve to redo a song with a trademark guitar hook, and NOT use it in your cover. Clearly, this 80s new wave crew thought Van Halen’s original didn’t need the guitar bit.
6. Ororo – Zombie. Techno-fying songs is something anyone with the right software can do, so making one of them stand out is a feat itself. Maybe there are better examples of this style of re-hash, but this one will have to do for now. Did they ruin arguably The Cranberries’ best song? You judge.
7. Ben Folds – Bitches Ain’t Shit. I must admit this appeals to the same part of me that loves it when serious voice talents read rap lyrics in their deep, serious voices. Ben Folds doesn’t improve on the original from Dr. Dre and Snoop, but certainly makes it different.
8. William Shatner and Joe Jackson – Common People. See above for equivalence. This one was originally from Jarvis Cocker and Pulp. Look up “Camp” in the dictionary and it’ll reference this recording.
9. All Saints – Under The Bridge. Unbelievable reworking of the Chili Peppers song. What a surprise that such an otherwise wet band would make the list.
10. Iggy Pop – Louie Louie. A difficult song to mess up, and Iggy doesn’t. This might be the oldest original, from Richard Perry and The Pharoahs in 1955. PS - Have you ever seen Iggy with his shirt ON?
11. Johnny Cash – Personal Jesus. Near his death, Cash managed to inject even more atmosphere into his, and other peoples’ songs – in this case from Depeche Mode.
12. Johnny Cash - I Won't Back Down. A somewhat dull song, like most of Tom Petty's work, but magic in the hands of Cash.
13. Johnny Cash – Hurt. This one tears at your heart, not just because of the painful lyrics, but because of the obvious pain in Cash’s voice. Originally from Trent Reznor / Nine Inch Nails.
14. Marilyn Manson – Sweet Dreams Are Made Of This. Several Eurythmics songs are crying out for a good Goth-ing, and Marilyn is just the androgyne to do it.
15. The Mission – Never Let Me Down. Another Depeche Mode song given a good old Goth-lashing, this time from the not-normally-that-Goth Mission.
16. Sade – Why Can’t We Live Together? Who recorded this first? One of those Pop Quiz questions you will never, in a million years get right. The answer is one hit wonder Timmy Thomas. Another question you’ll never be able to answer is: how come Sade all but disappeared from the music world?
17. Pet Shop Boys – You Were Always On My Mind. I bet everyone thinks this was written and originally performed by Elvis. No. It was Willie Nelson. Probably the only time you’ll hear Willie Nelson and The Pet Shop Boys mentioned in the same sentence.
18. Pet Shop Boys – Go West. Hardly a stretch for Neil and Chris to redo The Village People song, but well done nonetheless.
19. Bryan Ferry – A Hard Rain’s Gonna Fall. Making this Dylan song sound like it was written by Ferry on the same day Roxy Music recorded the fabulous Virginia Plain.
20. Bryan Ferry – Smoke Gets In Your Eyes. Absolutely perfect. Almost perfect was the original, from The Platters.
21. White Stripes – I Just Don’t Know What To Do With Myself. Dusty Springfield can’t play guitar. And Jack White can’t sing like Dusty, but he has a good go here.
22. Shinehead – Billie Jean. Heaven knows this Michael Jackson song has been covered a million times, but few give it the luscious Dubbing that Shinehead delivers.
23. Reel Big Fish – Take On Me. Hard to improve A-Ha’s sublime original, but Reel Big Fish’s Ska version comes close.
24. Red Hot Chili Peppers – Search And Destroy. Somehow manages to take one of the most wonderfully heavy originals from Iggy And The Stooges, and make it even heavier, man.
25. Stevie Ray Vaughan – Superstition. One of the world’s best guitarists easily improves Stevie Wonder’s now-boring original.
26. Bow Wow Wow – I Want Candy. Back when Malcolm Maclaren was trying to show he could play Svengali to more than just The Sex Pistols, he “found” this band. I never knew this was a cover until recently. Had to look it up, and it was by The Strangeloves, in 1965.
27. Goldfinger – Just Like Heaven. Not sure if any lazy punk cover of a classic deserves a place here, but this is such a blissful original from The Cure, and this cover shows how speeding up bliss doesn’t necessarily ruin it.
28. The Fugees – No Woman No Cry. I’ve already used “perfect”, “sublime” and “blissful”, so out comes the thesaurus to describe this Bob Marley gem, given a natty beat by The Fugees.
29. Bob Rivers – What if God Smoked Cannabis? While not a straightforward cover – this is more like one of those Weird Al Jancowicz “funny” do overs – this is contender for the best lyric of all time: “If God had long hair and a goatee and if his eyes were pretty glazed, if he looked spaced, would you buy his story, would you believe he had an eye infection?” From “What if God was one of us?” by Joan Osborne.
30. Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds – Disco 2000. Jarvis Cocker writes great songs, and this languorous cover by Nick Cave proves it.
31. Britney Spears – I Love Rock and Roll. OK, so this is a bit tongue in cheek, but who knew it was by The Arrows?
32. The Get Up Kids – Close To Me. Yet another Cure song injected with a bit of post-punkiness.
33. Manic Street Preachers – Suicide Is Painless. A beautiful cover of a beautiful original. The lyrics to the theme from M*A*S*H were written by 14-year old Mike Altman, son of that film’s director, Robert Altman. Robert told Johnny Carson that, while he himself was paid only $70,000 for directing the film, son Mike made over $1 million from the song.
34. Dinosaur Jr. – Just Like Heaven. Deliriously over-the-top rendition of The Cure’s already delirious original.
35. The Del Rubio Triplets – Whip It. Out Devo’s Devo.
36. Metallica – Whiskey In The Jar. Well, what else are Metallica going do to this apparently un-improvable traditional Irish song (The "original" Dubliners' version must've been a cover too) but turn the Heavy dial up to 11?
37. The Wonder Stuff – Dizzy. The wonderful but no longer working Wonder Stuff welcome guest vocalist Vic Reeves for this Tommy Roe re-do.
38. Korn – Another Brick In The Wall. Just what this dull and over-played Pink Floyd song needed – a good old dirtying up.
39. George Thorogood – Who Do You Love? Saw this guy live years ago, with The Destroyers. Can’t remember them playing this Bo Diddley tune.
40. Stereophonics – Handbags & Gladrags. Genuinely one of the most gorgeous songs ever written, by Mike D’Abo of Manfred Mann and released by Chris Farlowe.
41. David Bowie – Cactus. The oft-covered Bowie this time covers The Pixies. This version, live on The Jay Leno Show, inexplicably features Moby too. Must've been Bowie's Vegan tour.
42. The Braids – Bohemian Rhapsody. I can only imagine the drugs they must’ve been on when someone suggested covering this un-coverable Queen song. Once they sobered up, they didn’t do a bad job.
43. Dwight Yoakam – Suspicious Minds. Originally released by Mr. Presley, I included this one mostly to see if my friend and closet country fan Bill reads this far down in the list before exploding.
44. Hellsongs – Breaking The Law. As if Judas Priest weren’t whacky enough, this version out-whacks them. From the wonderfully-titled album, Hymns in The Key of 666. They don’t make ‘em like that anymore, son.
45. The Doors – Gloria. Who knew this was originally done by the imaginatively-named Them?
46. Toots And The Maytals – Take Me Home, Country Roads. Proves that almost anything can be re-done as a reggae song. As far as I know, John Denver did the original without the benefit of a single sniff of Ganja.
47. Lords Of The New Church – Johnny Too Bad. Add this to list of those songs I unwittingly heard first as a cover, and remained unwitting for years. Terrible grammar, but great original from The Slickers. Not wanting to go over 50 songs, I’m slipping another LOTNC cover in here. This one’s a seedy rendition of Madonna’s Like A Virgin.
48. The Magic Numbers – Crazy In Love. Trust a band of hirsute chubbies to improve on the dreadful Beyonce.
49. Santa Esmerelda – Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood. I thought the original was by The Animals, but t'internet proved it was Nina Simone.
50. Faith No More – Easy. Worth listening to just to see whether they improve on the gorgeous original guitar work by Thomas McClary of The Commodores.

RAVE - Christmas in Cabo

Arrived yesterday in Cabo San Lucas. We've only spent one day in this town before, when we stopped during a cruise a few years ago, so this time we've rented a house and a car, and will explore.

Villa Serrana is our home for the next 8 days, and I can't wait to do my best water buffalo impersonation as I jump from the hot tub into the pool, and scramble back again.

If picturing that is too much for you, better not look for the next few days :)

Currently bloated from a mega-Mexican breakfast cooked by Carmen, our resident chef, so plan to spend the rest of the day digesting, disrobing and deliberating.

RAVE - Pictures of the Decade

A series of powerful images that sum up the 00s, the decade to which we'll wave good bye in a less than 2 weeks.

Click here for The Big Picture.

REVELATION - I'm out of touch, and happy to be so!

'Tis the time of year for "Best of" articles in newspapers, magazines, web sites - even on cereal boxes.

These are ideal opportunities to scan the lists and say "seen it" or "haven't seen it" for each of the movies, and "got it" or "don't got it" for each of the songs. In my case, it's also an opportunity to say "never heard of it" in an increasing number of cases.

This list comes from the December 5 / January 1 edition of Entertainment Magazine:

Top-Grossing Movies of 2009
1. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, $402m (haven't seen it, will probably catch 15 minutes on cable and satisfy myself that I've seen it all).
2. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, $302m (haven't seen it, don't want to see it, sorry Rip and Simi).
3. Up, $293m (haven't seen it, probably should have, will do on cable).
4. Hangover, $277m (saw it, but partly ashamed to say I found it very funny).
5. The Twilight Saga: New Moon, $267m (haven't seen it, will never see it, even on TV).
6. Star Trek, $258m (haven't seen it, will buy it on Blu-Ray).
7. Monsters vs Aliens, $198m (saw it, very disappointed, a mess).
8. Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs, $197m (saw it, marvelous, this series can do no wrong).
9. X-Men Origins: Wolverine, $180m (saw 30 minutes on cable, drivel).
10. Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian, $177m (see X-Men; that's not a recommendation, just a shortcut).

Top-Grossing Movies That Didn't Star A Superhero, Wizard, Werewolf or Toy
1. Up, $293m
2. The Hangover, $277m
3. Star Trek, $258m
4. Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs, $197m
5. Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian, $177m
6. The Proposal, $164m (saw it, gritty and great).
7. 2012, $155m (saw it, see review earlier in this blog).
8. Fast and Furious, $155m (saw it, fell asleep).
9. The Blind Side, $150m (haven't seen it).
10. Paul Blart: Mall Cop, $146m (saw it, enjoyable tripe).

Most Popular Celebrity Twitter Feeds
1. Miley Cyrus (give me a freaking break).
2. Lance Armstrong
3. Taylor Swift
4. Ashton Kutcher
5. Shaquille O'Neal
6. Selena Gomez (who?)
7. John Mayer
8. Lindsay Lohan (can she write?)
9. Demi Lovato (who?)
10. Bill Simmons (who?)

Top Regularly Scheduled Series
1. American Idol, Wednesday (Fox), 25.5m viewers
2. American Idol, Tuesday (Fox), 24.7m
3. Dancing With The Stars (ABC), 18.9m
4. NCIS: Los Angeles (CBS), 15.9m
5. Dancing With The Stars Results (ABC), 15.5m
6. NCIS (CBS), 15.1m
7. The Mentalist (CBS), 13.2m
8. CSI (CBS), 12.8m
9. The Good Wife (CBS), 12.8m
10. America's Got Talent (NBC), 12.4m
Don't know what to say really, other than America gets what it deserves. A poor excuse for TV.

Top New Series
1. NCIS: Los Angeles (CBS)
2. The Good Wife (CBS)
3. V (ABC)
4. FlashForward (ABC)
5. Modern Family (ABC)
6. Castle (ABC)
7. Lie To Me (Fox)
8. Glee (Fox)
9. Three Rivers (CBS)
10. Cougar Town (ABC)
Watch out United Kingdom, you'll be seeing the worst of these pretty soon.

Top Downloaded Singles
1. Boom Boom Pow, Black Eyed Peas
2. Poker Face, Lady Gaga
3. Just Dance, Lady Gaga
4. Right Round, Flo Rida
5. I Gotta Feeling, Black Eyed Peas
6. Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It), Beyonce
7. Gives You Hell, All American Rejects
8. Love Story, Taylor Swift
9. Heartless, Kanye West
10. I'm Yours, Jason Mraz
Tempted to put a Gossip / Muse / Editors / Doves rant in here, but it's a waste of time.

Top Billboard 200 Albums
1. Fearless, Taylor Swift
2. I Am .. Sasha Fierce, Beyonce
3. Dark Horse, Nickelback
4. Twilight, Soundtrack, Various Artists
5. Hannah Montana, The Movie, Soundrack, Miley Cyrus.
Stop giving your kids the money to buy this crap!!

Top Fiction Books
1. The Lost Symbol, Dan Brown (see review earlier in this blog)
2. The Shack, William P. Young
3. The Time Traveler's Wife, Audrey Niffenegger (it's on our book-case, but even Mrs. Page says it's a chick's book)
4. The Associate, John Grisham (bought it, but haven't been bothered to read it yet)
5. The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society, MaryAnn Shaffer and Annie Barrows (read by her indoors' book club, and voted down as "dull")

RAVE - Cricket commentary on BBC's web site

Living in America means never, ever getting to see cricket on TV. There must be other negatives about being esconced in California, but that one's right up there near the top of the list.

This means I "watch" cricket via the text commentary on The BBC's web site.

Now, cricket is a deep game, too deep for Americans to bother with it. They don't mind that it's impenetrable, and English people don't really mind that not everyone understands the rules or the point of the game.

Today is the first day of the first test between South Africa and England. Just a few snippets from the text commentary wonderfully illustrates the impenetrability, the beauty and the pointlessness of it all ...

1522: Eng 58-1

Harris, tips of his shaggy hair bleached like those of a minor character in Neighbours, twirls in vain as Strauss dabs defensively. On the grass bank, a girl in a strapless bikini is angrily lecturing a staggering man slopping beer over the rim of his glass. There but for the grace of God.

1526: Eng 58-1

Morkel, languidly strolling back to his mark with his spaghetti arms flopping loosely by his sides. Trott waves the first few past dismissively and then dinks a leg-stump yorker down to deep fine leg for a strike-pincher of a single.

1530: Eng 66-1

In a tremendously post-modern move, Kallis appears to be picking a callous on his palm. Expect Morkel to don a snorkel shortly before Ntini sips a Martini and Prince complains about the design of the new pavilion. Mis-hit slog from Strauss as Harris drags one down with the arm, the ball skimming just past the long reach of mid-on.

1534: Eng 66-1

Tighter from Morkel, getting some lift from that Ambroseque action of his. Strauss catches one on the back peg, but he'd backed away and there's no sniff of an ell bee.

Explaining the nuances of the commentary would take longer than the game itself. The only real answer for an American is to be reincarnated as an English schoolboy and grow up listening to this stuff. Marvelous.

REVIEW - Invictus

All a bit too obvious I'm afraid.

It's not a good movie about rugby, capturing little of the pace, the beauty and the brutality of the game.

It's not a good movie about team sports. Who can believe a team makes it through to a World Cup without research into the opposition, discussions about tactics and plans for playing specific opposing teams? In fact, where was the coaching staff in this movie?

It's somewhat uni-dimensional, in the "your country needs you" vein. It's not an exciting movie. You don't learn much about South Africa, Nelson Mandela or Francois Pienaar.

While Morgan Freeman is an easy Mandela, Matt Damon seems crushed by having to focus on doing the accent.

Competent, but doesn't stand out as a sports movie or a political movie.

If you want to see a great movie about South Africa, get District 9 when it comes out on DVD.

RAVE - A Serious Man

Joel and Ethan Coen have made some fabulous movies: Blood Simple, Fargo, The Big Lebowski, Brother Where Art Thou, No Country For Old Men - all great. Most bear the same hallmarks: ever-deepening story-line, twist after twist, dark humor.

A Serious Man sounds like it's a non-event: A black comedy set in 1970 about a math professor trying to cope with his frustrated wife and loser brother. But give it a few minutes to settle down and suck you in, and you'll really enjoy the gentle ride, wonderful attention to detail, and an ability to tell the story at just the right pace.

Unsurprisingly, for such a well put together film, a great soundtrack too.

RAVE - Red Cliff

I saw this movie for at least 3 reasons, aside from the fact that the trailer was exciting:

1. I'm here in Dallas, Texas for a few days, and found that near my hotel is The Angelika Film Center. I'd heard of this arty-farty mini-chain from a monthly TV series shot at the Angelika Film Center in New York City, that provided an in-depth look at the independent film scene.

2. Gareth, despite my caution about the drivel likely bound up in Ninja Assassin, still went to see it, and - surprise, surprise - found it to be drivel. I wanted to show my friend that I was not against all examples of fighting among chopstick twiddlers.

3. It's freezing in this Dallas-does-SF loft-style NYLO hotel, and I hoped to warm up in front of a good film.

Red Cliff, directed by Jon Woo, is the most expensive Chinese language production to date. It covers the true story of one the most pivotal military confrontations in China’s past – the 208 A.D. Battle of Chibi.

Was the money well spent? Absolutely.

The scenery and shots are gorgeous.

The action is massive, with battle scenes worthy of Lord of The Rings, and the kind of choreography that should have been in Troy, but wasn't.

The story was so-so, and it can't be just me that finds it impossible to match the Chinese spoken with the movement of the speakers' mouths. It's a bit like watching the national anthem being sung at a major sporting event. As the camera moves along the line of dignitaries you can see their lips moving as if singing to the anthem, but not in any way synchronized with the song you can hear being sung. I know we used to joke about kung fu movies having a dialog that was in no way linked to the movement of the actors' mouths, but I'm sure Red Cliff was not aiming for that.

The Angelika (or at least the one in Plano, Texas) is a super-luxe theater, and I was the ONLY PERSON THERE - not just in the room showing Red Cliff, but aside from the staff I was the only person in the theater!

REVIEW - Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction - 2009

The very nature of this annual event demands that old rockers are led out and lauded. This year it was the turn of Jeff Beck and Metallica.

I only caught half of this year's show from Madison Square Gardens, but highlights included the following geriatric gyrations:

Jeff Beck, ridiculously voted by Rolling Stone Magazine as one of the "100 best guitarists in the World" when he belongs in the Top 10, certainly deserved better than being one of the seeming 50+ musicians and singers in guest Stevie Wonder's Superstition retread.

But it was Metallica's performance that shocked and disappointed at the same time. After delivering one of their many lacklustre songs (clearly, I'm not a huge fan), they invited on stage the following trio of old farts:

• Lou Reed, now aged 67 but looking 30 years older than that - doddling onto the stage like he was missing his walker (that's American for Zimmer Frame) being handed a guitar (he couldn't have found it on his own), and forgetting the words to Sweet Jane. Oh how the mighty are fallen.

• Next guest out was Ozzy Osbourne, who certainly looked sprightlier than Lou Reed, but relied a little too much on makeup and F-bombs to look and sound relevant - and still failed.

• Ray Davies of The Kinks, who has resorted to massive hair-coloring to mask the fact that his never-strong voice is now terrible.

Metallica rescued their set with the always excellent Enter Sandman.

Somehow that reminds me of that classic Peter Kay scene, where he looks into the future and sees himself admonishing his kids to "Put on some of that Prodigy for your nan. Go on, put on some 'Slap my bitch up' to get her dancing". I tried to find it on YouTube, but I think it may have only been on audio CD.

Back to R&R Hall of Fame: for no apparent reason (they weren't being inducted), next up was U2, who banged out a couple of standards and then brought on Bruce Springsteen (who's looking more and more like a thinner, tanner Robert De Niro), and a rare outing from Patti Smith (who also had her hair colored, but does absolutely nothing else to improve her looks and appearance). Finally, out strutted Mick Jagger, who if nothing else showed how a 65-year old SHOULD strut. Clearly, Lou Reed shot a few more CCs of heroin over the years than did Mick Jagger.

Best vocal performance of the night - and I never thought I'd live to say this - was from that slapper from Black Eyed Peas, Fergie. She belted out the chorus of some old Stones song. And I thought she was all T&A.

RAVE - Surrogates

Confession: I love good sci-fi movies.

Surrogates is an excellent sci-fi movie, part Blade Runner (if it's not an act of heresy to liken any recent sci-fi movie to that classic), part Terminator, part Minority Report (although there's no real pre-determination in this one). I should also add the obvious: part Picture of Dorian Gray.

The story is about how humans have developed robot "surrogates" to lead their lives. While these surrogates have better physical and mental attributes than their human owners and operators, it's uncanny how Bruce Willis' surrogate (played by Willis himself) looks 30 years' younger than Willis himself. The makeup and wig do such a fabulous job of rendering him youthful, I wonder why he ever shows up in public with his "I'm not really grey and balding" shaved head.

All he needs now is a good English accent and he'd be irresistible.

What's that? He already is irresistible?

One minor gripe, and it applies to many of these near-future movies (this one's set perhaps 15 years' from now): while robotic technology has advanced dramatically, everyone's still driving the same 2009 Detroit duds.

RATIFICATION - BBC TV ratifies my Cash4Gold Rant!

I've said it before. Ranting about something is more satisfying than Raving or Reviewing. Maybe it's me. Maybe I was destined to be a professional ranter.

Anyhow, today's revelation is that the BBC's Newsbeat program reveals that Cash4Gold is a scam.

Regular readers (that's you, my family and friends) will know I ranted about Cash4Gold last September.

It's comforting when fiddlers, tricksters, cheaters and scammers get their comeuppance.

Now, all I need is for a similarly insightful team of investigative journalists to prove some of my other claims, like Alex Ferguson is a whiny old git with so much money he can't fail to produce a winning football team.

REVIEW - Dosa on Valencia

Not as glamorous as Dosa on Fillmore, but OK if you're Mission bound and desperate for your Naan and dip fix.

I find the food at this Dosa to be samey (maybe it's the same menu as The Fillmore version, I forget). Like a so-so Mexican restaurant where all that salsa, refried beans, cheese, chicken and pork taste the same whether they're in tacos, flautas or burritos, most of Dosa's dishes end up tasting of the same bread, lightly-spiced meat and yoghurt mix.

Very skippable, in my view.

REVIEW - Brothers

Despite my previous fulsome praise for The Kabuki Theater (reserved, comfy seats, bar) I've had some bad luck with the place these past two weeks.

When we went to see Bad Lieutenant 12 days ago, we followed the attendant's directions to our auditorium, sat in our pre-assigned, numbered seats, chugged our beers and waited for Nic Cage to appear. Shortly before said appearance, 2 women suggested we were sitting in their seats. I checked the numbers, and we were in whatever was assigned to us. "Are you here to see Precious?" they asked. We hot-tailed it out of there pretty sharp-ish, only to arrive a few minutes after Mr Cage appeared in the correct auditorium.

Today, I went several steps further down the misdirected path.

Cheri, Gareth and Amo asked whether I was going to be Billy No Mates and stay in tonight (Mrs. P is in England until Sunday), or would I join them at the movies. I wanted to see Brothers. They wanted to see Up In The Air (another phoned-in performance from George Clooney, I was betting). I acceded, and arranged to meet them at The Kabuki, where Gareth would be waiting with my ticket. When I arrived, I couldn't see them, so called G on his cell, only to find they were at The Century in the City Center, 5 miles away! I harrumphed and got myself a ticket to Brothers, and sat munching my peanut M&Ms by myself.

The movie was tense and interesting, even though the trailers had already told the story. Tobey Maguire was intense, but showed as much range as he did when wearing the red suit and spurting spider's web all over the place. He and Jake Gyllenhall, the titular brothers, look as much alike as me and Johnny Depp, so that element was a stretch for me.

Interestingly, this American production was based on an original Danish story. I didn't know the Danes were sending troops to Afghanistan, so you learn something every day.

Aside from that Scandinavian tidbit, there's nothing new here, so don't hold your breath.

REVIEW - World Cup Predictions from US TV

Football, er, Soccer coverage here in the USA is how I imagine bullfighting coverage in Finland.

That's somewhat of a disservice to ESPN, Fox Soccer Channel et al, because now there is a lot more time devoted to the "beautiful game" than there was 12 years ago when I moved to California from England.

But it still grates when I hear American announcers refer to it as the "Prem" league, or say "offsides" instead of "offside" or show ANY Manchester United game (but that last bit is a personal peeve, as a proud member of EBMU - Everyone But Manchester United).

Anyhow, here's what US TV is saying about the draw progression:

Top 2 teams (in red) to qualify:

Group A

1. Uruguay

2. France

3. Mexico
4. South Africa

Group B

1. Argentina

2. South Korea
3. Nigeria
4. Greece

Group C

1. England (on goal difference)

2. USA

3. Algeria
4. Slovenia

Group D

1. Germany

2. Ghana

3. Serbia
4. Australia

Group E

1. Netherlands

2. Denmark

3. Japan
4. Cameroon

Group F

1. Italy

2. Paraguay

3. Slovakia
4. New Zealand

Group G

1. Brazil

2. Ivory Coast

3. Portugal
4. Democratic People's Republic (yeah, right) of North Korea

Group H

1. Spain

2. Chile

3. Switzerland
4. Honduras

Again, team in red to qualify:

Round of 16
1. Urguay vs South Korea
2. Argentina vs France
3. England vs Ghana
4. Germany vs United States
5. Netherlands vs Paraguay
6. Italy vs Denmark
7. Brazil vs Chile
8. Spain vs Ivory Coast

Quarter Finals
1. Urugay vs England (ex Liverpool and England player Steve McManaman was on the panel, and disagreed vociferously with this American prediction)
2. Netherlands vs Brazil
3. Argentina vs Germany
4. Italy vs Spain

Semi-finals
1. Uruguay vs Brazil
2. Germany vs Spain

Final
Brazil vs Spain

We shall see, or attempt to (seeing as most games are live at 3am here on the West Coast).

RANT - 10 Reasons Why England Can Win the 2010 World Cup

With today seeing the draw for the first round of the 2010 World Cup in South Africa, I got excited by the headline in today's The Independent newspaper from the UK: 10 Reasons Why England Can Win The 2010 World Cup.

Aside from it annoyingly being spread over 10 ad-strewn pages, the list quickly dampened my excitement. Nowhere do I see "because they have the best team" or "because their goal-scoring talents exceed those of the competition". No, you'll find BS "reasons" like Fate, Fortune and even lame duck Beckham.

I include the ad-free list here, but it doesn't make the content any more inspiring.

1. FABIO CAPELLO

For the first time since Sir Alf Ramsey, England have a manager who accepts nothing but the best. You don't mess with him. With every boss since Ramsey, and I include the late, great Sir Bobby Robson in this, players have taken liberties. Not now. Capello tells players to leave egos at the door. Discipline is a must and tactically he knows how to change games when they are not going well. He's also Italian - they know how to win World Cups. Think back to Germany 2006.

2. HUMILITY

This is usually a foreign concept to England players. I remember sitting in press conferences before and during the last World Cup and every player boasted that they were going to win the thing. Doh! Be confident sure, but don't let the arrogance drip out of you. I believe England's players will have learnt their lesson from last time.

3. WAYNE ROONEY

At his best, Rooney is awseome. At times with Manchester United he still plays football as if he was a kid in a playground, chasing everything, all over the park, which can often be to his disadvantage. With England, Capello tells him to stay in the opposition half - that's where he can really hurt opponents and help England.

4. STEVEN GERRARD

Rooney and Gerrard work as well together as Gerrard and Torres. Must be a scouse/Spanish thing. Gerrard has never truly delivered at a big tournament. If he can shrug off his injury problems, this could be the competition in which he excels and leads England to glory. He really is that good.

5. ATTACKING FULL-BACKS

In Glen Johnson and Ashley Cole England will have the two best attacking full-backs in the competition. As Brazil showed in the days of Cafu and Roberto Carlos that can be crucial in gaining success.

6. FATE

When Spain won Euro 2008, it was 44 years since they last won the tournament. In 2010 it will be 44 years since England won the World Cup.

7. FORTUNE

To be fair to England while on many occasions they have only had themselves to blame, fortune has not always smiled on them at the major competitions in terms of injuries and refereeing decisions. Maybe this time they'll get the rub of the green.

8. THE FANS

Yes, I know England have a hooligan element, but the vast majority of their supporters are decent people. Bar the hosts, England will have more supporters in the stadiums than any other team. They travel in huge numbers to major tournaments. And believe me they will make themselves heard which will inspire the players.

9. COMMERCIAL OPPORTUNITIES

As well as the glory of winning the World Cup, the England players all know that they will make millions away from the game if they lift the trophy. Note: That will be an incentive for some more than others.

10. DAVID BECKHAM

It's written in the stars that Becks will come off the bench to score the winning free-kick or penalty in the final. They will then make a movie about it, David will star as himself and claim the Oscar. They will then change the rules so that he can be President of the United States. And of course he will then bring peace to the globe...

Preview - Oscar 2010 Predictions

I reserve the right to change these as all those "what about XYZ?" questions and suggestions roll in, and I'd forgotten them when I drew up this list, but here goes:

My favorites of 2009:
Taken
District 9
Paranormal Activity
The Damned United
The Road

Nominations for The Oscar for Best Film, 2010:
The Road
Nine
Me and Orson Welles
Precious

No doubt there will be a bunch of late bloomers - those movies still to be released in 2009, like Avatar, Shutter Island, Lovely Bones, A Single Man. I must admit that I got goosebumps watching the trailer for Avatar, which is a first for me. That normally only happens when I hear Joy Division songs.

RAVE - The Road

There it is then: my bet for Film of The Year, Actor of The Year and (maybe) Supporting Actor of The Year come Oscar time.

I'm not saying it was my favorite movie of 2009. Just that this is exactly the kind of movie that catalyzes Oscar voters: a story that defines the word "moving", deep, moody acting from Viggo Mortensen, a performance way above his youthful age from Kodi Smit-McPhee, and based on a best-selling book.

Curiously - or maybe not - there was no applause at the end of the film. Maybe I was in a minority in liking the film. I was certainly in a minority out of Lawrence and me, seeing as he thought it blew chunks.

To say it was bleak is a massive understatement. "Bleak" is for Leonard Cohen or Nick Cave CDs. The Road is almost crushed under the weight of its bleakness. The main protaganists: the unnamed man, woman and child, are doomed from the first frame (or page, if like me you read the book too). You're told virtually nothing about the cause of the apocalypse, although climate, earthquakes and volcanoes are clearly to blame, rather than nuclear war.

It's been post-apocalyptic week here in San Francisco, with 2012 and The Road. The latter is definitely the better film. The former is much more fun, if I can be forgiven for describing The Apocalypse as "fun".

RAVE - Chez Papa, Potrero Hill

It's hardly worth extolling the virtues of the quartet of restaurants in this group (Chez Papa Mint Plaza, Pizza Nostra, Chez Maman and the one we ate at tonight, the original Chez Papa on Potrero Hill), seeing as everyone must already know how good they all are.

The food - Lamb Daube, Hanger Steak and Duck Confit, each graced with the world's richest sauce - are benchmarks for other French restaurants in San Francisco, and when complemented by last night's choice of appetizers - warm potato, asparagus and artichoke salad with shaved parmesan and bacon, and Lawrence's choice of open-face ravioli with shitake and oyster mushrooms, jus and truffle oil, the place just can't be beat.

It's crude to suggest that you "wash that down with an excellent Burgundy", but do just that and the night will be perfect.

RAVE - 18 holes at San Juan Oaks, Hollister

No chance of this being anything other than a RAVE, seeing as we were playing a beautiful, genuine country course - no houses, no traffic - total, peaceful silence.

Hollister is a bit of schlepp from San Francisco, 70 miles of crushingly dull highway 101, followed by a brief 10 miles of not-much-to-talk-about to Hollister itself.

Last time we were in the area, which is near Gilroy ("Garlic capital of the World"), the scent of the garlic was in the air for miles around. This time - presumably post harvest - we just smelled crisp country air.

The San Juan Oaks course is not as difficult as the others we've played in this past 8 days (Diablo Hills, Wente Vineyards and Rancho Solano), which perhaps contributed to our lowest scores of the 4 outings. I still got whupped, but in a nice way.

I know it sounds nit picking, but nits are there to be picked: the course guide is laughably inaccurate, resembling the scrawling of a demented 3 year-old. Naturally, that's a somewhat hollow analogy seeing as every 3 year-old I know (yes, including you Sohan!) is demented. Failed child psychology aside, this meant we were playing blind, with no clear idea what was around each dog leg. Nevertheless, we pioneered and had a wonderful day.

REVIEW - DOSA on Fillmore

Being married to a stunning woman of Indian heritage, everyone assumes we eat Indian food every day and I love it. The truth is we don't, and I don't.

Dosa is a different kind of Indian restaurant though, with mostly mild yet interesting flavors, and nothing approaching a Vindaloo (thank heavens).

There are a couple of Dosa locations in San Francisco. This one is directly opposite the entrance to The Kabuki movie theater in Japantown, which means that every other time we've attempted to get in after exiting the theater, we've been met with a line as long as The Ganges.

This time however, Lawrence and I were there on the Monday right after Thanksgiving, so everyone else was tucked up at home with their families. Accordingly, we strolled into a virtually deserted Dosa around 10.15pm, had the requisite "mild yet interesting curry-type dishes", and were out again 30 minutes later.

Not much atmosphere. Not worth a long trip across town for the experience (we were already there, as I said, so no problem there).

There was a gorgeous 4' x 3' photo on one wall (see picture here), with an Indian woman prostrate on the ground (a vision I've yet to see in real life). All very tasteful, mind you. Of course, I forgot to ask our excellent waiter her name or the name of the picture, so I'm now surfing around Getty Images looking for that picture.

RAVE - 2012

I don't relish these RAVEs as much as I do the RANTs. There's not as much to get my teeth into if all I'm doing is saying nice things about nice things.

However, 2012 deserves a good old RAVE rating.

To quote Frankie Howerd, the film has its knockers. Some think it's all flash and trash, typical Hollywood.

Yes, it's like Earthquake, Towering Inferno and Poseidon Adventure all rolled into one humungous catastrophe movie. And yes, it is all about the special effects, but what a glorious explosion in a fireworks factory those effects are.

Special effects have come a looooong way since Moses parted the Red Sea in The Ten Commandments, to the point where you can now believe actors who say how hard it is to deliver the appropriate emotions when all they have are blue screens around them.

I have to admit to being troubled by the notion that 1,500 years ago the Mayans predicted the end of the world on December 20, 2012, ending their calendar on that date. Troubled that was, until I read that little piece of info was fabricated just to get us all anxious. Despite being relaxed by that news, we still found ourselves holding our breaths as buildings toppled, bridges collapsed, freeways fell into chasms, volcanic rocks crashed down and John Cusack rescued everyone.

Curiously, despite all the mayhem that was going on, I found myself distracted by the producers' decision to use Chiwetel Ejiofor and Thandie Newton - 2 English actors - to play 2 central American characters. And no, they weren't playing Panamanians! I meant their characters were central to the action, and there must be hundreds of real Americans who could have done that job.

If you can overlook the hokum, and don't believe the Mayan mumbo jumbo, you'll have a great time.

RAVE - 5A5 Steak Lounge

Occupying the space formerly graced by Frisson, the recently opened 5A5 Steak Lounge offers a very different experience from Mortons, Ruth's Chris, Harris' et al.

The decor hasn't changed much since 5A5 took residence - still a classy, modern feel, but the food and staff are very different.

The restaurant is named for A5 Wagyu steak imported from Japan. According to their web site, A5 stands for the highest grade of beef in the world - and here I was wondering what all the fuss was about Kobe beef. 

The first "5" in the name stands for the 5 senses, although I'm not sure how the last 2 of the 5 (sight, smell, taste, touch and hearing) were delivered. The noise was energetic without being overpowering, but aside from the cutlery and wine glasses I don't remember touching anything.

As it was, I had Australian Kobe, and Lawrence had Buffalo. Both steaks were sensational - perfectly cooked and fabulous with the marble potatoes and spinach. Our appetizers included Beef Tataki - raw beef served in sushi roll style, with rice, sliced avocado and Ponzu sauce.

I really should have got our server's name, because she did an excellent job.

The other diners complemented the brothers Page - elegant, good-looking and fashionable.

RAVE - A hot round at Rancho Solano Golf Club, Fairfield

Considering how badly I got beaten by Lawrence (pictured) today, it's testimony to this course and the weather to still be able to say it was a wonderful day.

Rancho Solano is not as challenging a course as Wente, where we played 2 days ago - the undulations and hazards were more forgiving - but I still managed to score a lamentable 126. Serious golfers would blanch at that score, but I took comfort in out-driving my brother on a number of holes. It was all the other shots that let me down.

The weather was fabulous - we were over-dressed in short-sleeved shirts and long pants. Thank heavens for the drinks cart and the refills at the 9th, which kept us from gasping too much. The carts were equipped with satellite navigation, range finders and scoring systems. If only we could have got Fox Soccer Channel on the cart's computer we could have seen Liverpool slot 2 past Everton and it would have capped the day off nicely.

I think I've reached the point in my game where I need new clubs, so we'll be shopping in San Francisco tomorrow. Hopefully, when we play again on Tuesday I'll be freshly equipped and bereft of excuses.

REVIEW - Specchio

We went here for dinner a couple months ago with friends, and it was okay. Food was pretty good, but the overbearing noise was distracting. The place is a concrete echo chamber. 

My brother Lawrence and I went there again last night, and because it was the Friday of Thanksgiving weekend, the place was virtually deserted. This allowed us to judge Specchio on food and service alone.

Unfortunately, again it was just okay. It's certainly not classic Italian - in menu design, flavors or delivery. That's not a fault, as there are plenty of those in San Francisco, but it does beg the question: "why go to Specchio?"

Well, aside from the parking garage almost next door - a rare vehicular oasis in The Mission - there's not much to recommend it. Specchio is just one of many restaurants you'll visit and say "That was fine, but I don't think I need to go there again".

RAVE - 18 holes at The Course at Wente Vineyards

The only other time I've sampled 18 of anything at a winery has been a wine tasting in Napa.

The 18 holes at the Wente course are good-looking and challenging, with lots of elevation change. The course stretches out between the hills and the vineyards, so the views are gorgeous, as you can see.

Yes, it rained for part of the round, but for most of the day it was warm-ish and wonderful.

The zig-zag path you see behind Lawrence is Wente's answer to Lombard Street, the alleged twistiest road in the world, in San Francisco. The Wente version is just as twisty, made even more interesting if you're in a rattling, side-less golf cart.