I was going to call this Pavey's Peccadilloes, but when consulting the dictionary to find out how many Cs, Ds and Ls were in there, I learned that I've been using Peccadillo incorrectly ever since I was old enough to form a critical thought.
I always believed that it described an interesting trait, but now learn it implies a slight fault. I have too many years of planned non-parenthood left to go risking it all by suggesting my darling wife has actual faults.
No, these are simply a few of the many ways she keeps me interested, captivated, and wondering what on earth she's going to come up with next.
These latest musings have been brewing for years, prompted perhaps as far back as 2001, when that wonderfully long list of his wife's wacky ways were recorded by a blogger before there were blogs. I forget the writer - shame on me - but hope you remember it going viral, and therefore who I'm talking about.
Anyway, what stirred me into action was when we debated last night about which movie to see tonight. Mrs P said "I want to see something that's playing at The Century".
"Shouldn't we first see what's on, then decide whether to see what's playing at The Kabuki, where we can reserve specific seats?" was the manly, logical reply from yours truly.
"But" - and here is where my wife-list starts - "they serve Kettle popcorn at The Century."
I've learned that an aversion to certain foods approaching a Vampire's view of garlic in the sun goes with the her Indian territorial roots. Pavey's brother, sister and father hold equally weird views about what they can and cannot eat. Yes, that's you Sandy and Rip! Father-in-law Ninder won't be reading this because they don't have the internet where he lives.
My otherwise perfect wife:
1. Will eat some, but never all of the crust on a slice of toast.
2. It's the same with many foods - she'll eat some, but never all of a potato skin.
3. Will demand EXACTLY 1/4 of a spoon of sugar in her tea, even though it has been scientifically proven (by me) that you can't tell if 1/4 of a spoon of sugar has actually been put into the cup, or not.
4. Will only drink tea from the mugs with the thin handles, not the thick handles.
5. Will only drink cool tea, but will never drink chilled water. Her tea has to stand for 10 minutes before she'll sip it, while her half-drunk bottles of room temperature water litter the counter tops.
6. Will only eat Honey Nut Cheerios for breakfast. I call this out because I get shouted at if I come back from Safeway with $350 of weekly groceries but get, shock horror, regular Cheerios for her.
7. Will only eat Kettle popcorn from The Century - she doesn't like the kettle corn from Whole Foods.
8. Recently, when I slaved over a hot oven to make game hen stuffed with onion and garlic, and lovingly served her both hen breasts while I took the legs, she complained that I hadn't offered her a leg. That's like someone handing you the caviar off their plate and complaining that they didn't give you the sour cream too!
What makes this list bearable, aside from my almost saintly demeanor? Pavey's assertion that if she wasn't here, those are the very traits that I'd miss.
Check mate.
