REVIEW - Casino Jack

Another review I read perfectly summarized Casino Jack by saying something like "if someone made a fictional movie with this story-line, no-one would believe it".

It was hugely topical that we should see the film yesterday, the day that ex house of representatives majority leader Tom DeLay was sentenced to three years in prison for various financial shenanigans, including taking bribes from lobbyist Jack Abramoff (aka Casino Jack).

But despite that timing, and the truth being stranger than fiction, what let the movie down was that it added nothing whatsoever to the facts. Pretty much everyone knows what lobbyists in DC do, and that  Abramoff was one of the most prolific lobbyists of our generation.

The facts were played out without much added drama, and with little more than superficial coverage. It was one of those cases where we were aching to discover the secrets behind the newspaper accounts, and yet got nothing.

Perhaps the only insight was the degree to which Michael Scanlon, Abramoff's partner, was revealed as a slimeball. He seemed to add no value, could not negotiate, and his womanizing led to the partnership's downfall.

As Jack Abramoff said at the beginning of the film, this paying people to influence people is "American democracy in action", and only a fine line needs to be crossed before lobbying becomes bribery.

REVIEW - Press Club

Not really a restaurant: more a wine lounge with nibbles, but definitely more of a statement than most wine bars or lounges.

The Press Club must get business purely through word of mouth, because despite being smack bang in the middle of town, its down a traffic-free side-street that gets no drive-past action. You'd never know it existed unless someone else told you.

Last night it was Holly and Tom who drew us there, and then helped us have an elegant and tasty evening.

It's handy that the company was so good, because the place itself is maybe a bit too conservative, in its wine and food menu, decor and music, to become a regular destination. Its weekday hours, closing at 9pm Monday through Wednesday, and 10pm on Thursday, signal its main purpose of after work / happy hour type entertainment.

The place features wines from Napa, which would be fine if they had a larger Napa-nese selection. Perhaps it changes from night to night, but last night's selection was heavy on the Pinots, and just one or two of anything else. No champange, no soft drinks except a disgustingly sweet fizzy grape thing.

Whatever, we enjoyed ourselves massively, so just make sure to hook up with people with whom you like to talk.

RANT - Decaf, schmecaf

Having spent the night at Blowfish Sushi with an old friend who was more interested in sampling the decaf Japanese teas on offer than the excellent Asahi, Sapporo and Kirin beers, I entered a lusty debate on the advantages of caffeine.

I say "advantages" because I find decaffeinated drinks (coffee or tea) to be lacking a lot of what I like about coffee and tea. Namely, the taste.

Usually, I only drink decaf coffee or tea by mistake - either through early morning mis-handling of what's in our kitchen, or defective hearing and/or assumptions on the part of a waiter.

It's difficult to explain the taste, or lack of it. I believe this image perfectly explains the difference. It's probably somewhat deficient science-wise, but (to mis-quote the Monty Python team in Life of Brian), "what has science ever done for us?"

RAVE - ROFL

Apologies to those who already saw some of these jokes from a link I posted on Facebook, and at the same time thanks to my favorite chuckler Peter Weston for sending them to me.

• This truck full of tortoises collided with a van full of terrapins. It was a turtle disaster.
• I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley. She said 'Tenpin?' I said, 'No, permanent.'
• I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet. 'Best before End'
• I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said 'Analog?' I said 'No, just a watch.'
• My friend is in love with two schoolbags. He's bi-satchel.
• I went to the doctor. I said to him 'I'm frightened of lapels.' He said, 'You've got cholera'
• I met the guy who invented crosswords today.. I can't remember his name, its P something T something R.
• I was reading this book today, The History of Glue. I couldn't put it down.
• The recruitment consultant asked me 'What do you think of voluntary work? I said 'I wouldn't do it if you paid me.'
• I was in the jungle and there was this monkey with a can opener. I said, 'You don't need a can opener to peel a banana.' The monkey replied, 'No, this is for the custard.'
• This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, 'I want you to trace someone for me..'
• I told my mum that I'd opened a theater. She said, 'Are you having me on?' I said, 'Well I'll give you an audition, but I'm not promising you anything.'
• I fancied a game of darts with my friend. He said, 'Nearest the bull goes first' He went 'Baah' and I went 'Moo' He said 'You're closest'
• I was driving up the motorway and my boss phoned me and he told me I'd been promoted. I was so shocked I swerved the car. He phoned me again to say I'd been promoted even higher and I swerved again. He then made me CEO and I went right off into a tree. The police came and asked me what had happened. I said 'I careered off the road'
• I was stealing things in the supermarket today while balanced on the shoulders of a couple of vampires. I was charged with shoplifting on two counts.
• I bought a train ticket to France and the ticket seller said 'Eurostar?' I said 'Well I've been on TV but I'm no Dean Martin
• I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. The guy said, 'How flexible are you?' I said, 'I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays.'
• I went to the local DVD store and said, 'Can I borrow Batman Forever?' The assistant said, 'No, you'll have to bring it back tomorrow'
• A waiter asks a man, 'May I take your order, sir?' 'Yes,' the man replies. 'I'm just wondering, exactly how do you prepare your chickens?' 'Nothing special, sir. We just tell them straight out that they're going to die.
• So I went to the doctor and he said "you've got hypochondria". I said "not that as well!"
• The police arrested two kids yesterday. One was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
• I met this guy with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it. I thought 'That's Aboriginal'.
• A cowboy walks into a German car showroom and says "Audi".
• I was having dinner with my boss and his wife the other night, and she said to me "How many potatoes would you like Philip?". I said "ooh, I'll just have one please". She said "It's OK, you don't have to be polite". "Alright" I said "I'll just have one then, you stupid cow!
• I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands when they first came out. I say "bought", I actually stole it off a short, fat, ginger kid.
• I spent the other afternoon re-arranging furniture in Dracula's house. I was doing a bit of Fang Shui.
• A friend of mine always wanted to be run over by a steam train. When it eventually happened, he was chuffed to bits.
• I never sleep with fish. I'm halibut.
• I went into a pet shop and said "I'd like to buy a goldfish". The assistant asked "do you want an aquarium?" I said "I don't care what sign it is"
• Andrew Lloyd Webber went into Burger King and said "I'll have two whoppers". The assistant said "OK, you're handsome and you write great musicals"

RANT - What's my sign?

What's wrong with the universe, eh?

First, scientists tell us Pluto is no longer a planet. Do you know how many years it took me to memorize the sequence of planets stretching out from the Sun (or Earth, depending on which direction you're looking)?

And now, having spent a lifetime dissing Astrology, Astrologists, and anyone who puts any store in that whole fortune-telling mumbo jumbo, I'm told I'm no longer a Pisces!

Apparently (and most of this information comes from today's Washington Post), star signs were created some 2,000 years ago by tracking where the sun was in the sky each month. However, the moon's gravitational pull has slowly moved the Earth in its axis, creating about a one-month bump in the stars' alignment. Therefore, during what we think as the month of Pisces, the sun is actually in the sign of Aries.

So, having spent my life studiously ignoring the fact that, by being born March 9, I was a Pisces (allegedly intuitive, imaginative, unworldly), I'm actually an Aquarius (a water carrier, whatever that means).

For those of you that use the "what sign are you?" chat up line in a bar, or at the supermarket, or wherever your desperate search for love takes you (and I'm not just talking about you Gareth), the new dates and signs are:

Capricorn: January 20 - February 16

Aquarius: February 16 - March 11

Pisces: March 11 - April 18

Aries: April 18 - May 13

Taurus: May 13 - June 21

Gemini: June 21 - July 20

Cancer: July 20 - Aug. 10

Leo: August 10 - September 16

Virgo: September 16 - October 30

Libra: October 30 - November 23

Scorpio: November 23 - December 17

Sagittarius: December 17 - January 20

Do you need to change your resume, your devastating chat up lines, or (even harsher) your tattoo?

Or do you continue as normal, confidently assured that Astrology is about as scientific and relevant as chicken giblet analysis? I think the latter.

It reminds me that just a couple of weeks ago when Pavey, Felicia, David and I were in a wonderful restaurant in Cabo San Lucas, a guy came around after dinner with a little birdcage housing a pair of cute canaries. As each of us gave our star signs, one of the birds would hop out of the cage, pluck a tiny piece of folded paper from a box, and present to the bird-meister. He then gave us each our 'fortune'.

Poor man. He now has to completely re-train those little birds!

RAVE - My Blackberry's frozen

Revisiting the classic Two Ronnies (Ronnie Barker, RIP), Ronnie Corbett and Harry Enfield deliver a new gem.

RAVE - Sixty Six

There must have been dozens of movies and plays written about England's only World Cup win, in England, in 1966.

This one is told from the perspective of a 12-year old Jewish boy immersing himself in planning his bar mitzvah, or more specifically the reception and festivities after it. He has his menus, seating plan, musical entertainment all planned out, but then learns that the date clashes with the World Cup final.

If the England team makes it through to the final, there's a danger no-one will come to his bar mitzvah celebration, so he prays for England losses during the qualifying stages, sticks pins in dolls dressed in England football uniforms, and writes letters to England manager Alf Ramsey imploring him to keep his star players on the bench.

Every football fan knows his efforts were wasted, but nevertheless the film is cute and entertaining, if not laugh out loud funny from start to finish.

It's perhaps not a coincidence that many of my recent favorite films have been English (The King's Speech, Four Lions, Infidel, Made in Dagenham, Disappearance of Alice Creed), and that a couple of them have featured the delectable Helena Bonham Carter (The Kings Speech, Sixty Six). More surprising is how many have had a religious theme (Four Lions, Infidel, The Book of Eli) and Jewish stories (Holy Rollers, A Serious Man, Infidel, Sixty Six).

What these facts prove is nothing other than you can make lists about anything, and most of them mean nothing to anyone else.

RANT - Pointless Packaging

I used to work with an excellent sales manager in London (Andrew Sutcliffe, that's you!) who memorably used the line in one presentation: "Why use a picture when a thousand words will do". I've stolen that observation many times since then, especially when reviewing some wordy, bloated piece of marketing.

Having just sat on a sodium pentathol (truth serum)-laden syringe, I'll admit that I like talking. I like details. Which makes it all the more surprising that I'm combining THREE (count 'em) reviews in one!

I'm using my new point-and-shoot camera (RAVE - Canon S95) to take a picture of one of a ton of new cables I've bought (RANT - Pointless Packaging) to re-position my 4x1TB disk systems (RAVE: Western Digital 1TB USB Disk Drives).

The main point? Naturally, the RANT. It feels SO much better to complain than it does to applaud.

These power cables are packaged 3 for $11.95, shrink-wrapped in an annoyingly access-resistant outer pack. Once the excited buyer burrows into that outer pack, each cable is held doubled by a twist-wire. Why? The cables would have folded nicely and stayed folded inside the shrink wrap.

Then, each cable has 3 sticky labels. The first, a neat little gold label attached with industrial strength glue, gives the cable's voltage tolerance. Arguably useful information, but seeing as no commercial oil rigs, passenger aircraft or deep cut mining equipment is powered by a simple 3-pin power plug, there's not much danger of me hooking up anything more lethal than a toaster with these puppies. Nix the gold label therefore.

Second is a huge label clearly targeted at Neanderthal homeowners new to the wonders of electricity. "Danger: Electrical Cords are Hazardous". Well, place that straight in the "freaking obvious" file. The label goes on to describe the many and horrible ways the luckless Neanderthal can perish through mismanagement of the cable. They might as well slap on a "Caution: Tigers can bite" sticker while they're at it. Needless to say, no attention is ever paid to these labels, so the manufacturers can lose these too.

Thirdly, and possibly the stupidest label I've seen on any product, and that includes Japanese urinals, is the ludicrous "The length of this cable is eight inches". I'm not quite speechless, but certainly struggling to comment further without running foul of the censors.

It probably costs as much to attach the 3 labels, twisty wire and shrink wrap as it does to make the cable. It certainly takes longer to release the cables from their Fort Knox-worthy packaging than it does to deploy them, and so deserves a RANT.

RAVE - Our Times, by A.N.Wilson

Thanks to a recommendation from Amo, I read this book during our Christmas week in Cabo.

It may not have been a typical "holiday" read (not much swash-buckling bodice-ripping going on in this volume), but it was completely absorbing.

The sub-title explained what "our times" meant - "The Age of Elizabeth II", so covered 1953 (when Liz was crowned) to 2008 (when it was written).

The first half of the book covered stuff that happened either before I was born, or before I could care less about what was going on in Parliament, or the World. Not that this book included American goings on, but it was the same with Watergate, JFK, Martin Luther King, Malcolm X, the Black Panthers ... I heard these news items in the background, but was too busy drawing pictures of long-haired guitarists to bother with the details. That's one of the main reasons why I love books and movies rooted in history, whether it's ancient or recent history. They not only entertain, but tell stories that matter.

Only now can I appreciate the seriousness of a London-based chiropractor (Stephen Ward) pimping London call girls (Christine Keeler and Mandy Rice-Davies) to the UK Government's War Minister (John Profumo) AND a Russian spy (Eugene Ivanov) at the same time! All of that happened in 1963, but only when it was made into a 1989 film (starring John Hurt as Stephen Ward, Ian McKellen as John Profumo, and Joanne Walley-Kilmer as Christine Keeler) did I understand what actually happened.

That little episode, and hundreds more, are detailed in this excellent book.

One thread running through the book is the writer's repeated quotes from my favorite satirical magazine since I was old enough to read 'proper' literature - Private Eye. Because A.N.Wilson is such a pedantic bugger, I remember that whenever Private Eye mentioned him, they intentionally spelled his name wrong - A.N.Wislon. Wonderfully childish - right up my street.

If I wrote out the reasons for each of my gasps, WTFs, and "so THAT's what all that was about" exclamations, I'd end up writing up hundreds of pages of notes. It's impossible to pick out a couple of headlines, and maybe if you're not British, or not the right age, or still drawing pictures of your favorite artistes, you won't care.

However, if are interested in knowing what happened behind the scenes at any point since Elizabeth II came to the throne, read this book.

RAVE - Unthinkable

Phew!

This is one intense movie. It's the ultimate "what would you do?"

An American citizen-turned-terrorist posts a video saying he's planted 3 nuclear bombs in 3 locations in the USA. He's caught, and interrogated by Samuel L Jackson, who plays Mr. Extremely Nasty to other investigators' Mr & Mrs. Lawful and Correct.

How far would you let the interrogation go in your pursuit of information about the location of the bombs? Is torture acceptable? And what about torture of the terrorist's wife, and children?

Samuel L plays a dangerously unhinged agent in pursuit of the truth most of us wouldn't have the resolve to dig out.

Like many, I'm glad we have professionals to make these choices for us, and hope I wouldn't bitch afterward.

Aside from the ending, I was left with a couple more imponderables:

1. While I wonder why the director picked an English actor for such an intense American role, Michael Sheen (The Queen, Frost/Nixon), did an outstanding job, and answered the "why?"

2. How on earth did this go straight to DVD? It's a travesty.

REVIEW - Yogi Bear 3D

I was hoping this would be much better, as I was looking forward to the juxtaposition of True Grit and Yogi Bear, the cinematic equivalent of seeing a snuff movie and Mary Poppins back to back.

Sohan (aged 4) laughed out loud on a few occasions. True, not at the intended funny bits, but he was happy.

I laughed properly, only a couple of times. When Yogi Bear said "What I've learned from foraging for pic-a-nic baskets is that Light Mayonnaise is nowhere near as good as real Mayonnaise" was a gem. A truer word was never spoken (at least not by an animated bear).

The original, "smarter than the average bear" was a childhood favorite, and I guess I was hoping for today's do over to act like a "let's go back, all the way back" session with an analyst. But several hundred dollars cheaper.

It didn't.

The too-heavy-on-the-live-action new version wasn't as cute as the original, and it brought back no memories, good or bad.

And I still haven't seen a movie where 3D added any real value. It still comes across as a cheap and clunky effect.

RAVE - True Grit

Let me first admit to this being a generous RAVE. 

The film wasn't perfect, but I was in a damned good mood (part spillover from dinner last night at Chez Papa, and part down to being with Pavey, Simi, and Amo), and that made up for the movie's imperfections.

Basically, True Grit didn't fulfill on its early promise. It started out very funny (although it's not a comedy), with a wickedly sharp script and impossibly gnarly performance from Jeff Bridges. He's going to have to pick his next role carefully, as the crusty old fart of Crazy Heart and now True Grit may be hard to shake off. Don't expect to see him in a crisp, white tuxedo any time soon, is all I'm saying.

It also failed to live up to the early makings of a low-down dirty manhunt for the killer of Maddy Rose's dad. A surprisingly sub-standard performance from Josh Brolin as the killer added to the underwhelming climax to the film.

A curiously casual Matt Damon added little but a foil for Jeff Bridges' / Rooster Cogburn's jokes.

So, all in all yet another enjoyable romp from the Coen brothers (A Serious Man, No Country For Old Men, Fargo, The Big Lebowski, to name a few of their best), but not quite gritty enough to be labeled "perfect".

RAVE - Our cat's a music fan

Just now I was woken from my slumbers, er, interrupted during one of my back-to-back phone conferences, by music blasting from our lounge.

I was at the back of the house in my office, and wondered who had broken in with a boom-box.

It turns out that one of our 2 cats, Zuma (pictured here in her "what, me?" pose), finds that the unseasonably chilly San Francisco climate demands warming her butt on the Apple Mac resting on the arm of our couch.

We've caught her there before, and given her a stern telling off. No wimpy "you're getting a time-out", or "go stand on the bottom step of the stairs" for her; I usually issue a swift threat of a boot up the backside and that clears up any misunderstanding.

Clearly I'll have to raise the threat level to orange (i.e a boot up the backside AND a clip round the ear), because today's butt-on-Mac incident resulted in her pressing enough keys to a) launch iTunes, b) select Blue Blood Blues by The Dead Weather and c) press play.

Now you'd have thought that Jack White's guitar would've scared her off, but it took me and my "WTF?" to do that.

For those of you anxious to hear what Zuma chose, and why she'll get an extra dollop of cat-food from me today, click here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wg8DMqFuip8

Bill: don't bother, you'll hate it!

RAVE - England win cricket's Ashes Tournament

What better time to get Willow.tv on my Roku player, so I can watch England retain the Ashes in Australia.

Warning to American readers: you'll not understand much of this post, and if you did, you wouldn't care. 

This tournament is to Americans the sporting equivalent of Billy Bob Jug Ears beating Clint Whiskers in a Monster Truck drive-off in Rust Bowl, Tennessee.

The fact that cricket's rules might as well be written in sanskrit, and the point of the game is just as obscure, means that cricket on American TV is as rare as rocking horse poo.

And for all you Freudian Stanley Cup fans, The Ashes refer to the ashes of a cricket stump allegedly burned after Australia beat England in 1882. 

As you can see from the pictures, the cricket trophy is miniscule, and clearly Stanley Cup fans have serious psychological problems in the trouser department.

RANT - Who give's a rat's ass about Kim's haircut?

I see the new year has started by addressing the key issues facing the world.

Is it the prospect for peace in the Middle East?
Is it the new dangers of nuclear war between North and South Korea?
Is it even the question of how close we are to finding cures for cancer, or AIDs?

No, it's the mind-boggling news that Kim freaking Kardashian has a new hair-do.

Puhleeze.

When the stupid, materialistic Kardashians started getting their talent-less asses into the news, I thought "well at least that means we'll hear less about Paris bloody Hilton", but do you know what? It turns out they have about the same air/brain ratio as those other wastes of space, Lohan, The Olsens, and every person on Jersey Shore.

How can TV executives describe these mind-numbingly stupid shows as "reality"?

RAVE - The American

It's a shame that most people - me included - feel the need to discuss the pace (or lack of it) when reviewing this film.

So let's get that out of the way shall we?

The American is no Bourne, and there's no flash, bang, or whallop. This American is no Hollywood hit man, and the movie makes no attempt to zip along any faster than good storytelling will allow.

George Clooney is an assassin ordered to lie low in rural Italy when things get a bit messy on an operation in Sweden. The main body of the film follows Clooney as he goes about his daily life in a small Italian village, befriends the local priest and an equally local prostitute, while he is contacted by the co-planner of his next "job".

The slow pace allows each relationship, each element of the story to properly develop.

There's plenty of action in this film, but it plays out in a way that leads some to believe there's not enough. It's their loss, as this is an excellent drama, perhaps even an excellent thriller.

RAVE - NYE at Foreign Cinema

An almost perfect New Year's Eve celebration at Foreign Cinema in San Francisco.

Those of you that know the Mission District know it's a great neighborhood for socializing, even when it's cold and wet, as it was last night.

Felicia, Pavey, David, Gareth and I started lustily at 9pm in Laszlo's and then went next door to Foreign Cinema at 10.30pm for our dinner.

Our Foie Gras Torchon, Seafood platter, Lamb, New York Strip and Garam Masala Quail were all terrific. The Mushroom Risotto was just so-so, but that wasn't what stopped the night from being perfect.

The Sgt. Pepper's theme was announced after we'd made our reservation, but it wasn't the lateness of that announcement that stopped the night from being perfect either.

Those of you that know Foreign Cinema are aware that its name describes the usually foreign movies that are projected onto the wall of the inner courtyard. Last night featured a continuous loop of The Beatles' Magical Mystery Tour (there is no "Sgt. Pepper's" film footage). What detracted from the evening was that not a lick of Beatles music could be heard in the restaurant, so it was more like Silent Night than Sgt. Pepper's.

Great fun with great friends though. Happy 2011.

RAVE - Non-traditional Christmas

We arrived here in Cabo San Lucas yesterday (Christmas Eve) and we've got this beautiful house to ourselves until Boxing Day, when David and Felicia arrive.

So, with no-one to tell us otherwise, we slept through Christmas breakfast, surfacing just in time for a bacon sandwich lunch.

We then lounged around the Pool in the 84 degree sun, then when the sun started going down we switched to the hot tub. If anyone's taking down specifications for my next home, I'd like one of each please.

Then, just to keep the non-traditional Christmas theme going, we had dinner at Cabo's best restaurant, Nick-Sans. The sushi here is sensational, the service is impeccable, and I'm sure Santa would approve if we ignore the normal festivities and hang out there at least once more on this holiday.

RAVE - Whip It

I've always had a morbid fascination with Roller Derby. It's one of those trashy sports, like greyhound racing or monster truck racing, that you either never admit to loving, or wouldn't admit to knowing enough about to hate.

This movie, the first directed by the otherwise bottom-of-my-list Drew Barrymore, boasts an excellent cast, with Ellen Page playing Bliss Cavendar during the day, and Babe Ruthless at night.

The skaters' names are wonderful: Iron Maven (Juliette Lewis), Smashley Simpson (Barrymore), Bloody Holly (Zoe Bell), Rosa Sparks (Eve), and Jimmy Fallon goes OTT as announcer "Hot Tub" Johnny Rocket.

The action is rough and ready, and the story, while basically a young girl's coming-of-age while trying to balance her mother's love of schoolgirl pageants with her own love of roller derby (well, it could happen), is a lot more fun than it could've been.

It's too late to catch this at the theater, so look out for it on Netflix.

OK, so just because I've admitted to liking Roller Derby, doesn't mean I'll admit to liking Drew Barrymore.

RAVE - Gift Advice for Men

I have to admit this is blatant plagiarism. Jeff posted this link from YouTube on his Facebook page, and like him, I found it too funny not to re-post.

Clearly, others did too, as there's a more recent follow-up.

They're clever viral marketing pieces from JC Penney, but the gotcha is: if I bought Mrs P any piece of jewellery from JC Penney, she'd lock me in the dog house, melt the key down and drop it off Golden Gate Bridge.

RAVE - The Fighter

While watching this at our local popcorn emporium, I was wondering "is this the best movie about boxing I've ever seen?"

At first I thought "it doesn't have much competition", considering that Rocky 1-5 were the first 5 movies to spring to mind. But then I remembered Cinderella Man (Russell Crowe), Million Dollar Baby (Hilary Swank), Ali (Will Smith), The Boxer (Daniel Day-Lewis), and Raging Bull (Robert de Niro).

Maybe it wasn't the absolute best, but it probably came equal first with Crowe's and de Niro's efforts.

Yes it had the requisite living in poverty, fighting for survival, will-he-or-won't-he-win angles, but managed to distinguish itself with the family aspect. 

Based on the true story of Micky Ward (who only retired from boxing in 2003, after 3 epic fights against Arturo Gatti), the film is particularly notable for Ward's family.

His mother believes she can be his manager, but only manages to hinder him. His 7 sisters adore him, but are the strangest bunch of lookers the casting director could find. His older brother Dicky - played by Christian Bale - wants to relive his own boxing past and train Micky to become a champion, but is hampered by crack addiction. Not exactly the model family, but such is life in and around the ring.

Mark Wahlberg turns in his usual "Mark Wahlberg" performance, but he's completely and utterly blown away by Bale, who again lost an unbelievable amount of weight for the role (as he did in The Machinist). I bet very few people know he's from the same home town as Rhys Ifans, that Welsh-est of Welshmen.

REVIEW - 2010's Top Images

Thank you to Yahoo, and some judicious editing and music, we have one group's view of the Top Images from 2010.

- 60' sink-hole appears in Guatemala

- World's tallest building opens in Dubai

- 30-pound Goldfish "discovered" in France

- Lufthansa cargo jet splits in half upon landing

- "Snowmageddon" slams US East Coast

- World's largest statue of Jesus in Poland

- Perseid meteor shower lights up the sky around the World

- 40' whale slams into yacht

- Rare tornadoes rip through New York City

- Record set for World's smallest man, at 26.4"

- And for World's tallest man, 8" 1"

RAVE - Made in Dagenham

It's been a challenge to explain this movie to American friends for a few reasons:

1. You have to first pronounce it Dag-en-HAM (like Berm-ing-HAM, or Chelt-en-HAM) and then explain it's a dull suburb north-east of London where Ford makes its dull cars.

2. You then have to make apologies for the dreadful clothes, accents and general unkempt-ness of the populace, or at least those represented in the film.

3. And then you need to apologize in advance for the rampant communism on display, remembering that the Labour Party of old - and the unions which kept that party in power in the 60s and 70s - was born out of strident, left-wing reactionaries brought up on Marx and accustomed to addressing one another as Brother this and Brother that.

4. I also needed to explain to Mrs P, who was not born until some years later than the 1968 setting of the movie, who Barbara Castle and Harold Wilson were, who was singing "All or Nothing" (The Small Faces), and what a sewing machine is for ;)

Having got past that lot, it's a wonderful film, a great slice of life.

It didn't really start out that way though.

For the first third of the film I wasn't sure whether it was going to keep my attention, but half-way through I realized I was being drawn in, and then became totally gripped by the developing story.

There were so many reference points that, while reminding us how dated everything looked (clothes, homes, cars and other products), at the same time it reminded us how much has changed in a relatively short period.

To think that just 40 years ago women were paid less than half what men were paid to do the same job, that it was common, if not expected, that a woman would do her job and THEN look after the house, cook the food, and ferry the kids to and from school, that men were entitled to this elevated position because they were "the breadwinners" - one might have been reviewing the history of slavery, or western governments' imperialistic rule over "foreigners".

The fact that you already know the outcome - Ford caved in and gave women equal pay, and the rule spread globally - should not stop you from seeing this excellent movie.

RANT - Linkedin Stalkers

Serendipity is the discovery of something good that you weren't necessarily looking for. I guess the "silver lining" allegedly in "every cloud" is evidence of serendipity.

Bill and I used to work with someone in Denver who, while selling our software, used to claim it had a "high serendipity factor". Now, this guy had a BS quotient of Biblical proportions, but that phrase stuck with me over the years.

What has this got to do with the price of cheese? Well, email is 30% SPAM, 30% annoying noise and 30% necessary, work-related, mostly fire-fighting noise. That doesn't add up to 100% I know, but you're missing the point.

That high TWF (Totally Worthless Factor) is present in most forms of information we receive. The split may be higher or lower, but most input is totally worthless.

Facebook, for example, comprises 90% SIDNTK - Shit I Don't Need To Know, even when it's from my closest friends or family members.

With Twitter, that SIDNTK is off the scale.

Linkedin follows the same pattern. Why do I care if person X is "returning from a trip to Cleveland" unless he owes me money and Cleveland is where he keeps his stash? Even worse is when person X has "booked his trip to Cleveland on Trip-It".

Linkedin has a more insidious side to it too. People who want to connect with you when a) you've never heard of them or b) you've heard of them and have no desire to get any closer to them. It's this last category that spawns Linkedin stalkers - people who keep on pinging you to try to get you to connect with them, while you keep on ignoring them because you kind of know them, like the fact they're not connected with you, and fully intend keeping it that way.

Which is why I particularly liked the serendipitous image I found in my email today, from Rob Cottingham's blog by way of Earley & Associates.

REVIEW - Top Movies of 2010

It's that List time of year again, so here's my totally scientific ranking of the movies I've seen this year.

Surprises? That Inception turned out to be a pile of poo. That the World didn't need another telling of the Robin Hood story. That Helen Mirren (Love Ranch) doesn't walk on water. That fact (The King's Speech, Fair Game, The Social Network, Temple Grandin, Carlos, etc.) is usually better than fiction. And that a great story and script (The King's Speech, Temple Grandin, The Extra Man) tops explosions any time (see the bottom 4 movies).

Oh, and that time flies. A lot of movies that we've seen and loved this year (Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, Infidel, etc.) were first released in 2009.

 1. The King's Speech - 9.5
 2. The Town - 8.5
 3. Fair Game - 8.4
 4. The Social Network - 8.3
 5. Temple Grandin - 8.2
 6. Made in Dagenham - 8.0
 7. Four Lions - 7.6
 8. Carlos - 7.5
 9. The Extra Man - 7.4
10. The Next 3 Days - 7.3
11. Salt - 7.2
12. The Book of Eli - 7.1
13. Inception - 7.1
14. Green Zone - 7.0
15. Legion - 6.9
16. The Ghost Writer - 6.8
17. Holy Rollers - 6.7
18. Sex, Drugs and Rock 'n Roll - 6.6
19. Monsters - 6.5
21. Clash of the Titans - 6.1
22. Conviction - 6.1
23. Cemetery Junction - 6.0
24. Shutter Island - 5.7
25. The Kids Are All Right - 5.6
26. Joan Rivers, A Piece of Work - 5.5
27. Wall Street - Money Never Sleeps - 5.1
28. Hot Tub Time Machine - 5.0
29. Robin Hood - 4.9
30. Frozen - 4.8
31. All Good Things - 4.7
32. Love Ranch - 4.6
33. She's Out of My League - 4.5
34. Skyline - 3.5
35. Repo Men - 3.0
36. The Expendables - 2.5
37. Predators - 2.0

RANT - Inception

Complicated for the sake of it, this was a big, big disappointment.

Whoever thought that a movie based on the notion that 5 increasingly deep levels of dream, each with a corresponding thread of story, would be entertaining, must've been smoking industrial-strength drugs.

Fantastic scenery, even better special effects, but I couldn't help thinking the desire to have a cool special effect came first, then how to work that into the non-existent story. Typical of that upside-down thinking was an early scene (included in most of the trailers), where a Parisian street curls up like an orange peel. There was just no point to it.

It was trippier than a James Bond film, without the wafer thin plots that 007 normally enjoys. In fact, imagine the last 10 minutes of 5 Bond movies, all winding up concurrently, with the director jumping from one clock-ticking-down scene to another, and then to another. It's all just too stupid.

The sad thing is, because many people will be blinded by those special effects, this crud will probably get an Oscar nomination or two.

RAVE - The King's Speech

What an absolutely fantastic movie!

It's 1939. Storm clouds are brewing over Europe as Hitler beats his chest and starts warmongering. After King George V dies leaving his eldest son David to become King Edward VIII, who then abdicates in order to marry twice divorced Wallace Simpson, second son and lifelong stutterer Prince Albert is crowned King Geoge VI.

Just when the country needs a confident, resolute leader, it has a nervous stammerer who never wanted or expected to be King.

"Bertie's" wife, Queen Elizabeth "the Queen Mother" hires Australian speech therapist Lionel Logue to school her husband to fluency, and so begins a story that is heart-warming, dramatic, engaging and funny - or at least it is the way it's delivered by Colin Firth, Geoffrey Rush, and Helena Bonham-Carter.

The small theater was packed, and I'm assuming not everyone was British, so judging by the fun everyone seemed to be having I'd say this going to go down really well once the buzz catches on.

And talking of which, this time last year I was confidently pitching The Road for the Best Film Oscar. It got nowhere, so I'll keep my thoughts to myself about The King's Speech.

Strange that everyone in the film knew that Lionel Logue was Australian, but it was impossible to detect from Geoffrey Rush's accent. And equally strange they should have picked Australian Guy Pierce to play King Edward VIII, even though he did so with an impeccably correct accent.

See. This. Film.

RANT - Bad movie clichés

I don't mean "clichés in bad movies", nor do I mean "bad movie clichés like always having to have a happy ending". I mean "things that directors always overlook when putting a movie together". Read, and you'll see what I'm talking about.

Watch any random five movies (maybe fewer) and you're guaranteed to see 80% of these movie clichés:

1. Car accident (could be a mega pile-up on a bridge or in a tunnel) and no-one but the main character(s) get out of their car(s). Maybe it's cheaper that way - no additional players to direct.

2. Man tears out of an office, sprints across the street, jumps into his car and immediately drives off - no fumbling for keys, no need to unlock the door, no struggling to get the key into the ignition, no need even to turn the key and start the engine. It's like the car was there, already unlocked with the engine running, waiting for someone to jump in and drive.

3. Man in his office / home, asks guests if they'd like a drink, goes to cocktail bar handily in office / home, gets no awkward orders of course (like, I'll have a crème de menthe frappé, it's always a simple whisky), man grabs the first bottle, pours drink(s) and never, ever, ever puts the top back on bottle. It's like it's a painful, time-wasting detail, but following their lead will leave your house stinking of alcohol and your alcohol losing its taste.

3b. And who, ever says, "oh, whatever you're drinking". No-bloody-one.

4. Person in an obviously haunted house, steps into a room and never, ever, tries the light first; always ends up creeping around in the dark, in order to further enhance the scariness. Life's not like that people!

5. Couple start "getting it on", interruped, man jumps off the bed or couch to answer the door or phone and is always acceptably-for-the-big-screen un-aroused, if you know what I mean. Either life's not like that, or he's with the wrong woman.

6. Couple have successfully "got it on", and one or both immediately lights a cigarette. This cliché dates from Biblical times, or at least back to when ciggies were first invented. This is statistically unlikely, if not impossible. The percentage of cases where both got-it-onners smoke is probably very low, while the percentage of non-smoking partners who'd be happy for their smoking partner to smoke indoors, let alone in the bed they're both occupying, is so low it's un-measurable. This is just a movie cliché to have them continue a conversation or advance the plot while still in bed, rather than do what must be done (i.e. go to the bathroom to clean up). Let's be real.

7. Car or truck goes over a cliff and always, always lands on rocks below and blows up in a spectacular ball of flames. I need an engineer to help me out with the probabilities for and against this. But that doesn't stop me branding this a cliché.

8. Cops versus villains shoot out: the cops all have kevlar vests, but the villains never aim for their unprotected heads, arms or legs. Never.

9. Unless it's a road movie, or a driving-coast-to-coast-in-a-stolen-car movie, drivers never stop for gas. You might think it's because gassing up is a boring detail, unworthy of screen-time, yet many productions are made up entirely of boring details, and they don't have to be called Seinfeld or Friends.

10. Cruising / driving around town in a car, the driver never, ever uses turn signals. Wait, that's not a cliché, it's a freaking fact of life. Americans don't know what that sticky out thing is on the steering column, so never use it!

11. Featured vehicles (whether they're picking up drugs, dropping in on people who need leaning on, tailing a suspect, etc.) always find a parking spot right where they need one. 

12. Plenty o' ammo; this one can go either way, and either way is a directorial oversight. You've got your limitless shots per gun (someone lets off 35 successive shots without reloading, and you don't have to be a gun expert to know there's no gun made with more than 20 bullets in a magazine), or you've got protagonists that DO reload but don't seem to have any problem carrying around dozens of magazines.

13. This one rankles the most. Any featured computer application makes swishing noises as it performs it's searches, screen refreshes, or responses. Anyone who has ever used a computer - and that's basically everyone on the planet except my Dad - knows computer applications don't make noises when each screen is displayed, and if they did the volume control would be super-glued in the mute position.

OMG - Cruise ship in high seas

OK, this video made by stomach churn, so much so that I feel compelled to break from the RANT, RAVE, and REVIEW nomenclature and add "OMG".

Aside from the increasingly intrusive "message from our sponsors", you'll see some south Atlantic action that, if you're a resolute land-lubber like me, will have you "parking a pavement tiger" as Billy Connolly used to put it.

Basically, "heavy seas" (that's raging storm, to you and me) with waves as high as 3 storeys (that's 3 storeys higher than I like) bashed a cruise ship around so much it lost one of its engines, which further compounded its pavement tiger-esque action.

It seems like everyone survived, but note to self - no cruises outside the tropics, and bugger the Bermuda Triangle.

One side note for all you budding globe-trotters, never rely on an American news source for geographically accurate information. This news report states that the cruise ship came into heavy weather off The Shetland Isles, Argentina.

Now, I learned at school that The Shetlands are north of Scotland, and therefore just about as far away from Argentina as one could get.

RAVE - Ip Man

A very, very rare thing happened today. Not only did I see a new kung fu movie, but I enjoyed it.

Usually for me, kung fu is like rap music. I rarely encounter anything that breaks the mould. There is so much cliché in both genres. That doesn't mean I don't like rap, but that I don't expect rap to push any boundaries further than it did when Run DMC crossed over with Aerosmith via "Walk This Way". That might sound like heresy to a true hip-hop fan but, like kung fu, you're either a fan or a hater.

Anyhow, what made Ip Man so special? 

Several things. First, it's based on a true story, although I didn't know that until the roundup was scrolling. Ip Man was a real character, one who invented the Wing Chung style of martial art and used it to resist the brutal Japanese occupation of China just before the second World War. After the war, Ip Man set up a Wing Chung school in Hong Kong, and none other than Bruce Lee became one of his graduates.

The production quality is high, the action is swift and serious, and the town scenes are not only authentic looking, but add a depth to action that in other kung fu films tends to only take place in a dojo, or a restaurant.

RANT - Valhalla Rising

Lean times at the Page Movie Theater.

Those of you who believe that dialog is a much over-used device in story-telling might love this, but it was desperately light on explanation.

It starts out with "One Eye" (he only has one eye, you see) being held by what turn out to be Christian Vikings (didn't know they existed) in a wooden cage for a period (we don't know how long), and being hauled out every now and then to fight other hard nuts (we don't know who they are, or why they're being matched against One Eye).

One day, his captors decide to march him somewhere else (again, we don't know why), and he manages to overpower them (i.e. slay them mercilessly) and escape.

He bumps into a group of bloodthirsty "Christian" vikings, who look the same as the group he just escaped from, and speak in the same Viking, er, Scottish accents. Apparently, they're on a quest to the Holy Land, so he hops in their boat and the next thing you know they're adrift in fog. After we don't know how long, they realize they're on fresh water, and wonder if they've arrived at the Holy Land.

Now, any fool could tell by the rain, bracken and fir trees that they're still in bloody Scotland, or at least at a Scottish latitude, but this group nevertheless presses ahead to build their New Jerusalem.

To cut a dull story short, they've actually drifted to North America (as you do), and all end up dying at the hands of native Americans.

Not sure why anyone thought this was a film worth making, but at least I can save you from watching it.

RANT - All Good Things

Starring Ryan Gozzzzzzzzzzzzzling and Kirsten Dunstzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, this is a dull, dull, film.

In fact, it's as dull as a rusty bucket filled with rust.

Oh, stuff happens. In fact, there are a number of murders, money laundering, a slum(dog) millionaire, cross-dressing, family angst galore - but the story's told at a pace that would embarrass a snail.

The film boasts the directorial equivalent of minimalism.

No, strike that. There IS direction. At any point when the story veers dangerously close to action, the director slams on the brakes, calms everyone down, instructs them to talk even quieter, and then continues at half-speed.

Should've been called "All Good Things Taken Out".

Aside from that, it was fantastic!

RANT - Snow Emergency

I don't normally just repeat someone else's rant - I'm usually full enough of my own vitriol and don't need the help - but occasionally I see something that's just begging for a "big up". 

Like this:

Yesterday, a woman in Kent, England, phoned the emergency services number, 999 (same as 911 in the USA), to report that someone had stolen her SNOWMAN!

Click here for the full story, but surprise, surprise, Chief Inspector Plod frowned on the call, saying it could have cost someone their life if they had a real emergency and couldn't get through.

Now, the fact that the emergency service is stretched so thin that someone can't get through to an operator is even scarier than someone being stupid enough to report a stolen snowman, but I'll leave that rant for another occasion.