RAVE - Non-traditional Christmas

We arrived here in Cabo San Lucas yesterday (Christmas Eve) and we've got this beautiful house to ourselves until Boxing Day, when David and Felicia arrive.

So, with no-one to tell us otherwise, we slept through Christmas breakfast, surfacing just in time for a bacon sandwich lunch.

We then lounged around the Pool in the 84 degree sun, then when the sun started going down we switched to the hot tub. If anyone's taking down specifications for my next home, I'd like one of each please.

Then, just to keep the non-traditional Christmas theme going, we had dinner at Cabo's best restaurant, Nick-Sans. The sushi here is sensational, the service is impeccable, and I'm sure Santa would approve if we ignore the normal festivities and hang out there at least once more on this holiday.

RAVE - Whip It

I've always had a morbid fascination with Roller Derby. It's one of those trashy sports, like greyhound racing or monster truck racing, that you either never admit to loving, or wouldn't admit to knowing enough about to hate.

This movie, the first directed by the otherwise bottom-of-my-list Drew Barrymore, boasts an excellent cast, with Ellen Page playing Bliss Cavendar during the day, and Babe Ruthless at night.

The skaters' names are wonderful: Iron Maven (Juliette Lewis), Smashley Simpson (Barrymore), Bloody Holly (Zoe Bell), Rosa Sparks (Eve), and Jimmy Fallon goes OTT as announcer "Hot Tub" Johnny Rocket.

The action is rough and ready, and the story, while basically a young girl's coming-of-age while trying to balance her mother's love of schoolgirl pageants with her own love of roller derby (well, it could happen), is a lot more fun than it could've been.

It's too late to catch this at the theater, so look out for it on Netflix.

OK, so just because I've admitted to liking Roller Derby, doesn't mean I'll admit to liking Drew Barrymore.

RAVE - Gift Advice for Men

I have to admit this is blatant plagiarism. Jeff posted this link from YouTube on his Facebook page, and like him, I found it too funny not to re-post.

Clearly, others did too, as there's a more recent follow-up.

They're clever viral marketing pieces from JC Penney, but the gotcha is: if I bought Mrs P any piece of jewellery from JC Penney, she'd lock me in the dog house, melt the key down and drop it off Golden Gate Bridge.

RAVE - The Fighter

While watching this at our local popcorn emporium, I was wondering "is this the best movie about boxing I've ever seen?"

At first I thought "it doesn't have much competition", considering that Rocky 1-5 were the first 5 movies to spring to mind. But then I remembered Cinderella Man (Russell Crowe), Million Dollar Baby (Hilary Swank), Ali (Will Smith), The Boxer (Daniel Day-Lewis), and Raging Bull (Robert de Niro).

Maybe it wasn't the absolute best, but it probably came equal first with Crowe's and de Niro's efforts.

Yes it had the requisite living in poverty, fighting for survival, will-he-or-won't-he-win angles, but managed to distinguish itself with the family aspect. 

Based on the true story of Micky Ward (who only retired from boxing in 2003, after 3 epic fights against Arturo Gatti), the film is particularly notable for Ward's family.

His mother believes she can be his manager, but only manages to hinder him. His 7 sisters adore him, but are the strangest bunch of lookers the casting director could find. His older brother Dicky - played by Christian Bale - wants to relive his own boxing past and train Micky to become a champion, but is hampered by crack addiction. Not exactly the model family, but such is life in and around the ring.

Mark Wahlberg turns in his usual "Mark Wahlberg" performance, but he's completely and utterly blown away by Bale, who again lost an unbelievable amount of weight for the role (as he did in The Machinist). I bet very few people know he's from the same home town as Rhys Ifans, that Welsh-est of Welshmen.

REVIEW - 2010's Top Images

Thank you to Yahoo, and some judicious editing and music, we have one group's view of the Top Images from 2010.

- 60' sink-hole appears in Guatemala

- World's tallest building opens in Dubai

- 30-pound Goldfish "discovered" in France

- Lufthansa cargo jet splits in half upon landing

- "Snowmageddon" slams US East Coast

- World's largest statue of Jesus in Poland

- Perseid meteor shower lights up the sky around the World

- 40' whale slams into yacht

- Rare tornadoes rip through New York City

- Record set for World's smallest man, at 26.4"

- And for World's tallest man, 8" 1"

RAVE - Made in Dagenham

It's been a challenge to explain this movie to American friends for a few reasons:

1. You have to first pronounce it Dag-en-HAM (like Berm-ing-HAM, or Chelt-en-HAM) and then explain it's a dull suburb north-east of London where Ford makes its dull cars.

2. You then have to make apologies for the dreadful clothes, accents and general unkempt-ness of the populace, or at least those represented in the film.

3. And then you need to apologize in advance for the rampant communism on display, remembering that the Labour Party of old - and the unions which kept that party in power in the 60s and 70s - was born out of strident, left-wing reactionaries brought up on Marx and accustomed to addressing one another as Brother this and Brother that.

4. I also needed to explain to Mrs P, who was not born until some years later than the 1968 setting of the movie, who Barbara Castle and Harold Wilson were, who was singing "All or Nothing" (The Small Faces), and what a sewing machine is for ;)

Having got past that lot, it's a wonderful film, a great slice of life.

It didn't really start out that way though.

For the first third of the film I wasn't sure whether it was going to keep my attention, but half-way through I realized I was being drawn in, and then became totally gripped by the developing story.

There were so many reference points that, while reminding us how dated everything looked (clothes, homes, cars and other products), at the same time it reminded us how much has changed in a relatively short period.

To think that just 40 years ago women were paid less than half what men were paid to do the same job, that it was common, if not expected, that a woman would do her job and THEN look after the house, cook the food, and ferry the kids to and from school, that men were entitled to this elevated position because they were "the breadwinners" - one might have been reviewing the history of slavery, or western governments' imperialistic rule over "foreigners".

The fact that you already know the outcome - Ford caved in and gave women equal pay, and the rule spread globally - should not stop you from seeing this excellent movie.

RANT - Linkedin Stalkers

Serendipity is the discovery of something good that you weren't necessarily looking for. I guess the "silver lining" allegedly in "every cloud" is evidence of serendipity.

Bill and I used to work with someone in Denver who, while selling our software, used to claim it had a "high serendipity factor". Now, this guy had a BS quotient of Biblical proportions, but that phrase stuck with me over the years.

What has this got to do with the price of cheese? Well, email is 30% SPAM, 30% annoying noise and 30% necessary, work-related, mostly fire-fighting noise. That doesn't add up to 100% I know, but you're missing the point.

That high TWF (Totally Worthless Factor) is present in most forms of information we receive. The split may be higher or lower, but most input is totally worthless.

Facebook, for example, comprises 90% SIDNTK - Shit I Don't Need To Know, even when it's from my closest friends or family members.

With Twitter, that SIDNTK is off the scale.

Linkedin follows the same pattern. Why do I care if person X is "returning from a trip to Cleveland" unless he owes me money and Cleveland is where he keeps his stash? Even worse is when person X has "booked his trip to Cleveland on Trip-It".

Linkedin has a more insidious side to it too. People who want to connect with you when a) you've never heard of them or b) you've heard of them and have no desire to get any closer to them. It's this last category that spawns Linkedin stalkers - people who keep on pinging you to try to get you to connect with them, while you keep on ignoring them because you kind of know them, like the fact they're not connected with you, and fully intend keeping it that way.

Which is why I particularly liked the serendipitous image I found in my email today, from Rob Cottingham's blog by way of Earley & Associates.

REVIEW - Top Movies of 2010

It's that List time of year again, so here's my totally scientific ranking of the movies I've seen this year.

Surprises? That Inception turned out to be a pile of poo. That the World didn't need another telling of the Robin Hood story. That Helen Mirren (Love Ranch) doesn't walk on water. That fact (The King's Speech, Fair Game, The Social Network, Temple Grandin, Carlos, etc.) is usually better than fiction. And that a great story and script (The King's Speech, Temple Grandin, The Extra Man) tops explosions any time (see the bottom 4 movies).

Oh, and that time flies. A lot of movies that we've seen and loved this year (Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, Infidel, etc.) were first released in 2009.

 1. The King's Speech - 9.5
 2. The Town - 8.5
 3. Fair Game - 8.4
 4. The Social Network - 8.3
 5. Temple Grandin - 8.2
 6. Made in Dagenham - 8.0
 7. Four Lions - 7.6
 8. Carlos - 7.5
 9. The Extra Man - 7.4
10. The Next 3 Days - 7.3
11. Salt - 7.2
12. The Book of Eli - 7.1
13. Inception - 7.1
14. Green Zone - 7.0
15. Legion - 6.9
16. The Ghost Writer - 6.8
17. Holy Rollers - 6.7
18. Sex, Drugs and Rock 'n Roll - 6.6
19. Monsters - 6.5
21. Clash of the Titans - 6.1
22. Conviction - 6.1
23. Cemetery Junction - 6.0
24. Shutter Island - 5.7
25. The Kids Are All Right - 5.6
26. Joan Rivers, A Piece of Work - 5.5
27. Wall Street - Money Never Sleeps - 5.1
28. Hot Tub Time Machine - 5.0
29. Robin Hood - 4.9
30. Frozen - 4.8
31. All Good Things - 4.7
32. Love Ranch - 4.6
33. She's Out of My League - 4.5
34. Skyline - 3.5
35. Repo Men - 3.0
36. The Expendables - 2.5
37. Predators - 2.0

RANT - Inception

Complicated for the sake of it, this was a big, big disappointment.

Whoever thought that a movie based on the notion that 5 increasingly deep levels of dream, each with a corresponding thread of story, would be entertaining, must've been smoking industrial-strength drugs.

Fantastic scenery, even better special effects, but I couldn't help thinking the desire to have a cool special effect came first, then how to work that into the non-existent story. Typical of that upside-down thinking was an early scene (included in most of the trailers), where a Parisian street curls up like an orange peel. There was just no point to it.

It was trippier than a James Bond film, without the wafer thin plots that 007 normally enjoys. In fact, imagine the last 10 minutes of 5 Bond movies, all winding up concurrently, with the director jumping from one clock-ticking-down scene to another, and then to another. It's all just too stupid.

The sad thing is, because many people will be blinded by those special effects, this crud will probably get an Oscar nomination or two.

RAVE - The King's Speech

What an absolutely fantastic movie!

It's 1939. Storm clouds are brewing over Europe as Hitler beats his chest and starts warmongering. After King George V dies leaving his eldest son David to become King Edward VIII, who then abdicates in order to marry twice divorced Wallace Simpson, second son and lifelong stutterer Prince Albert is crowned King Geoge VI.

Just when the country needs a confident, resolute leader, it has a nervous stammerer who never wanted or expected to be King.

"Bertie's" wife, Queen Elizabeth "the Queen Mother" hires Australian speech therapist Lionel Logue to school her husband to fluency, and so begins a story that is heart-warming, dramatic, engaging and funny - or at least it is the way it's delivered by Colin Firth, Geoffrey Rush, and Helena Bonham-Carter.

The small theater was packed, and I'm assuming not everyone was British, so judging by the fun everyone seemed to be having I'd say this going to go down really well once the buzz catches on.

And talking of which, this time last year I was confidently pitching The Road for the Best Film Oscar. It got nowhere, so I'll keep my thoughts to myself about The King's Speech.

Strange that everyone in the film knew that Lionel Logue was Australian, but it was impossible to detect from Geoffrey Rush's accent. And equally strange they should have picked Australian Guy Pierce to play King Edward VIII, even though he did so with an impeccably correct accent.

See. This. Film.

RANT - Bad movie clichés

I don't mean "clichés in bad movies", nor do I mean "bad movie clichés like always having to have a happy ending". I mean "things that directors always overlook when putting a movie together". Read, and you'll see what I'm talking about.

Watch any random five movies (maybe fewer) and you're guaranteed to see 80% of these movie clichés:

1. Car accident (could be a mega pile-up on a bridge or in a tunnel) and no-one but the main character(s) get out of their car(s). Maybe it's cheaper that way - no additional players to direct.

2. Man tears out of an office, sprints across the street, jumps into his car and immediately drives off - no fumbling for keys, no need to unlock the door, no struggling to get the key into the ignition, no need even to turn the key and start the engine. It's like the car was there, already unlocked with the engine running, waiting for someone to jump in and drive.

3. Man in his office / home, asks guests if they'd like a drink, goes to cocktail bar handily in office / home, gets no awkward orders of course (like, I'll have a crème de menthe frappé, it's always a simple whisky), man grabs the first bottle, pours drink(s) and never, ever, ever puts the top back on bottle. It's like it's a painful, time-wasting detail, but following their lead will leave your house stinking of alcohol and your alcohol losing its taste.

3b. And who, ever says, "oh, whatever you're drinking". No-bloody-one.

4. Person in an obviously haunted house, steps into a room and never, ever, tries the light first; always ends up creeping around in the dark, in order to further enhance the scariness. Life's not like that people!

5. Couple start "getting it on", interruped, man jumps off the bed or couch to answer the door or phone and is always acceptably-for-the-big-screen un-aroused, if you know what I mean. Either life's not like that, or he's with the wrong woman.

6. Couple have successfully "got it on", and one or both immediately lights a cigarette. This cliché dates from Biblical times, or at least back to when ciggies were first invented. This is statistically unlikely, if not impossible. The percentage of cases where both got-it-onners smoke is probably very low, while the percentage of non-smoking partners who'd be happy for their smoking partner to smoke indoors, let alone in the bed they're both occupying, is so low it's un-measurable. This is just a movie cliché to have them continue a conversation or advance the plot while still in bed, rather than do what must be done (i.e. go to the bathroom to clean up). Let's be real.

7. Car or truck goes over a cliff and always, always lands on rocks below and blows up in a spectacular ball of flames. I need an engineer to help me out with the probabilities for and against this. But that doesn't stop me branding this a cliché.

8. Cops versus villains shoot out: the cops all have kevlar vests, but the villains never aim for their unprotected heads, arms or legs. Never.

9. Unless it's a road movie, or a driving-coast-to-coast-in-a-stolen-car movie, drivers never stop for gas. You might think it's because gassing up is a boring detail, unworthy of screen-time, yet many productions are made up entirely of boring details, and they don't have to be called Seinfeld or Friends.

10. Cruising / driving around town in a car, the driver never, ever uses turn signals. Wait, that's not a cliché, it's a freaking fact of life. Americans don't know what that sticky out thing is on the steering column, so never use it!

11. Featured vehicles (whether they're picking up drugs, dropping in on people who need leaning on, tailing a suspect, etc.) always find a parking spot right where they need one. 

12. Plenty o' ammo; this one can go either way, and either way is a directorial oversight. You've got your limitless shots per gun (someone lets off 35 successive shots without reloading, and you don't have to be a gun expert to know there's no gun made with more than 20 bullets in a magazine), or you've got protagonists that DO reload but don't seem to have any problem carrying around dozens of magazines.

13. This one rankles the most. Any featured computer application makes swishing noises as it performs it's searches, screen refreshes, or responses. Anyone who has ever used a computer - and that's basically everyone on the planet except my Dad - knows computer applications don't make noises when each screen is displayed, and if they did the volume control would be super-glued in the mute position.

OMG - Cruise ship in high seas

OK, this video made by stomach churn, so much so that I feel compelled to break from the RANT, RAVE, and REVIEW nomenclature and add "OMG".

Aside from the increasingly intrusive "message from our sponsors", you'll see some south Atlantic action that, if you're a resolute land-lubber like me, will have you "parking a pavement tiger" as Billy Connolly used to put it.

Basically, "heavy seas" (that's raging storm, to you and me) with waves as high as 3 storeys (that's 3 storeys higher than I like) bashed a cruise ship around so much it lost one of its engines, which further compounded its pavement tiger-esque action.

It seems like everyone survived, but note to self - no cruises outside the tropics, and bugger the Bermuda Triangle.

One side note for all you budding globe-trotters, never rely on an American news source for geographically accurate information. This news report states that the cruise ship came into heavy weather off The Shetland Isles, Argentina.

Now, I learned at school that The Shetlands are north of Scotland, and therefore just about as far away from Argentina as one could get.

RAVE - Ip Man

A very, very rare thing happened today. Not only did I see a new kung fu movie, but I enjoyed it.

Usually for me, kung fu is like rap music. I rarely encounter anything that breaks the mould. There is so much cliché in both genres. That doesn't mean I don't like rap, but that I don't expect rap to push any boundaries further than it did when Run DMC crossed over with Aerosmith via "Walk This Way". That might sound like heresy to a true hip-hop fan but, like kung fu, you're either a fan or a hater.

Anyhow, what made Ip Man so special? 

Several things. First, it's based on a true story, although I didn't know that until the roundup was scrolling. Ip Man was a real character, one who invented the Wing Chung style of martial art and used it to resist the brutal Japanese occupation of China just before the second World War. After the war, Ip Man set up a Wing Chung school in Hong Kong, and none other than Bruce Lee became one of his graduates.

The production quality is high, the action is swift and serious, and the town scenes are not only authentic looking, but add a depth to action that in other kung fu films tends to only take place in a dojo, or a restaurant.

RANT - Valhalla Rising

Lean times at the Page Movie Theater.

Those of you who believe that dialog is a much over-used device in story-telling might love this, but it was desperately light on explanation.

It starts out with "One Eye" (he only has one eye, you see) being held by what turn out to be Christian Vikings (didn't know they existed) in a wooden cage for a period (we don't know how long), and being hauled out every now and then to fight other hard nuts (we don't know who they are, or why they're being matched against One Eye).

One day, his captors decide to march him somewhere else (again, we don't know why), and he manages to overpower them (i.e. slay them mercilessly) and escape.

He bumps into a group of bloodthirsty "Christian" vikings, who look the same as the group he just escaped from, and speak in the same Viking, er, Scottish accents. Apparently, they're on a quest to the Holy Land, so he hops in their boat and the next thing you know they're adrift in fog. After we don't know how long, they realize they're on fresh water, and wonder if they've arrived at the Holy Land.

Now, any fool could tell by the rain, bracken and fir trees that they're still in bloody Scotland, or at least at a Scottish latitude, but this group nevertheless presses ahead to build their New Jerusalem.

To cut a dull story short, they've actually drifted to North America (as you do), and all end up dying at the hands of native Americans.

Not sure why anyone thought this was a film worth making, but at least I can save you from watching it.

RANT - All Good Things

Starring Ryan Gozzzzzzzzzzzzzling and Kirsten Dunstzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, this is a dull, dull, film.

In fact, it's as dull as a rusty bucket filled with rust.

Oh, stuff happens. In fact, there are a number of murders, money laundering, a slum(dog) millionaire, cross-dressing, family angst galore - but the story's told at a pace that would embarrass a snail.

The film boasts the directorial equivalent of minimalism.

No, strike that. There IS direction. At any point when the story veers dangerously close to action, the director slams on the brakes, calms everyone down, instructs them to talk even quieter, and then continues at half-speed.

Should've been called "All Good Things Taken Out".

Aside from that, it was fantastic!

RANT - Snow Emergency

I don't normally just repeat someone else's rant - I'm usually full enough of my own vitriol and don't need the help - but occasionally I see something that's just begging for a "big up". 

Like this:

Yesterday, a woman in Kent, England, phoned the emergency services number, 999 (same as 911 in the USA), to report that someone had stolen her SNOWMAN!

Click here for the full story, but surprise, surprise, Chief Inspector Plod frowned on the call, saying it could have cost someone their life if they had a real emergency and couldn't get through.

Now, the fact that the emergency service is stretched so thin that someone can't get through to an operator is even scarier than someone being stupid enough to report a stolen snowman, but I'll leave that rant for another occasion.

RAVE - Holy Rollers

I'll be in trouble when Mrs Page finds out I saw this today with my brother, because she has been looking forward to seeing it ever since we saw the trailer a couple months ago.

Supposedly based on a true story (although that's pretty hard to believe), two young Orthodox Jews (i.e. big black hats, uncut sideburns or payot, and a myriad other apparently Biblically-accurate trappings) get tricked into smuggling ecstasy from Amsterdam to New York by a sleazy older family friend with connections to an Israeli drug cartel (who knew?)

Desperate to make extra money in order to avoid the living hell of working for his father, Jessie Eisenberg's character continues the regular transatlantic trafficking. Surprise, surprise, the road is far from smooth for "Sam and the Hasidic couriers" as the movie's post-script describes them.

Now, Bill Maher or Christopher Hitchens might end this review with some reference to all religion sending people astray, but I think these were decent guys, apart from the drugs and dodgy fashion.

RANT - The Expendables

I had to give this the RANT it deserves,  although I know a large part of the population loves this kind of movie, and will enjoy this one in particular.

The problems were many though, and they began with Sylvester Stallone directing and co-writing the screenplay. Right there it meant the film should've been called The Unexplainables.

Absolutely no value was added by including so many "stars": Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Bruce Willis, Mickey Rourke, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Jet Li, not to mention Eric Roberts, Dolph Lungren, and Steve Austin. Of course, there's nowhere near enough space for that many over-the-hill action stars, except maybe in a long line at the steroid counter at Walgreens Pharmacy. None of them is known for his way with words, so it's no surprise none of them gets to do much more than grunt.

And what's going on with the pseudo porn star names? The film also features such international smut-worthy names as Randy Couture, Preshas Jenkins, Ace LeBlue, and Charisma Carpenter. Su-freaking-real.

The plot? I watched the whole thing and couldn't tell what was going on aside from people jumping on and off moving vehicles, and things blowing up.  I thought Lawrence would know, but he too was clue-less.

The film started off well, with Stallone & Co rescuing hostages from Somali pirates. "At last, someone's dealing with those damned pirates" I thought. But a few minutes later and the so-called story-line has disappeared into thin air, and for the next 90 minutes I had no idea who and what the mercenaries were fighting for,nor against whom. Maybe that's what the life of a modern mercenary has become. Pointless.

Not for me I'm afraid. I would've been happier with a foreign-language film - and therefore a completely different cast, or maybe the same cast using all the French words they know.

RAVE - Grub

Maybe the thing to do is to pick places that don't crow about themselves, and don't invent fancy names for everything ("upland cress" anyone, one of NOPA's many overblown descriptions, along with "grilled bread" and "Nantes carrots" for heaven's sake! Were those carrots really flown over from France, and if so, why?)

Grub wouldn't be caught pumping hot air into its menu. It's un-complicated, un-assuming and un- a lot of things wrong with many other restaurants.

Lawrence's flat-iron steak and my osso bucco were fabulous, with rich red wine reductions and perfect vegetable / potato accompaniments. The service was delightful, and the price unbeatable.

The place was packed at 8.30pm on a Sunday night, and even though the web-advertised valet service was a no show, we were able to park right opposite, on Valencia.

Our aperitifs, Boddingtons in the nearby Phoenix, made for a superlative night out with my bro.

RANT - Skyline

Silly. Silly film.

A useless cast whose only response to alien attacks is huffing, puffing, and other breathy pointlessness.

Ambitious special effects, and by "ambitious" I mean "not very good". Explosions look like match flares filmed right up close, and the alien stuff doesn't look anywhere near solid enough.

The film wants to be a cross between District 9, Alien, and Transformers, but doesn't come close to any of them in terms of story, quality, or content.

The plot (such as it is) flaps wildly all over the place, with aliens alternating between apparently invincible auto re-generators and brittle piles of bits that buckle under a good fist-pounding.

A perfect example of how a tightly-edited trailer can sucker one (i.e. me) in. If Lawrence and I hadn't simply squeezed the film in between exiting the spa and heading off to the airport to pick Pavey up, it would've been a complete waste of time.

Don't fall for it!

REVIEW - NOPA

No wonder they use the acronym NOPA, rather than North Panhandle, which is its location and one of the least attractively-named neighborhoods in San Francisco.

Known for its late-night dining and the virtual impossibility of parking in order to enjoy those late nights, we duly circled for 30 minutes before finding a space, and settled down for a 9.15pm start.

I plucked the receipt from the kitchen counter this morning to refresh my memory about what everyone had eaten, and was mystified by the Echeveria Red Ruffle, Kalanchoe Pumila, and Aeonium Sunburst, and then I realized I was looking at the receipt from Flora Grubb. Lawrence and I had gone shopping for "succulents". That's not a euphemism for cruising the SF nightlife .... we were on a quest to find plants that wouldn't perish on our ultra-exposed deck, and the aforementioned succulents (which are basically cacti without sharp bits), apparently need little water and flower bright red, yellow and orange in summer, we hope.

Back at NOPA, we were a long way from the main action, sat upstairs at the very, very back. 

Simi started with the warm goat's cheese, pickled beets and crostini (which she enthusiastically munched through the main course and right to the end), Lawrence had the fennel sausage flat-bread with potatoes, leeks and gruyere ("not enough sausage, too much cheese"), while Amo and I both had the oven-baked egg, smoked tomato, grilled bread (sounds so much better than "toast") and pecorino. I had ambitiously ordered an extra appetizer, the grilled calamari, roasted cauliflower, olives, capers and aioli, which was truly horrible. I had one mouthful, then a second to check that my taste-buds hadn't fooled me, and sure enough, it was practically inedible. Just to be sure, Simi sampled some and concurred.

Entrees were pretty decent, too. Simi had the grilled country pork chop, roasted farro, wickson apples and upland cress (half of which was bagged and taken home for a snack), Amo had the pan-seared black cod, hummus, roasted beets, mandarins and water-melon radish (no complaints), and Lawrence the rotisserie chicken, brussels sprouts and "you can keep your bloody" orange-glazed yams. I had the house-made tagliatelle, chanterelles, bacon, lemon and celery root cream (which was good, but not as good as Farina's handkerchief basil pasta from the night before).

There was plenty of variety on each plate, let alone on the whole menu, and the fact they didn't charge me for the calamari and cauliflower cock-up meant I'll probably try the place again.

RAVE - Farina

The three bachelors - two temporary, one genuine (and permanent?) - dined in style last night at Farina, in the Mission district.

Fresh, contemporary decor made for a crisp, wide open feel to the place. There seemed to be staff a-plenty, and we were very well looked after. I can't go into too much detail about the female members of that excellent staff because, as I mentioned, two of us are only temporarily single and it'd be typical if our respective ladies read this and returned gift-less from their travels.

I had the calamari (unfortunately not crisp, as I like it, but in a pesto sauce), then the Mandili di seta al pesto (handmade handkerchief pasta with Genovese basil pesto that, according to the menu, won the gold medal during the Genoa Pesto World Championship), and rounded it off with Saltimbocca di vitello all romana con puree di patate e tartufo nero (pan roasted veal saltimbocca served with prosciutto San Daniele and sage, over a potato puree), which was so good Gareth wasn't allowed to sample it.

Lawrence had traditional Italian onion soup stewed in Taburno Falanghina wine served with croutons, followed by Filet Mignon with fancy-named muhrooms. The steak was voted on with closed eyes and a hmmmmm, so must've been good.

Gareth had San Daniele prosciutto served with burrata cheese over lightly fried focaccina, which broke his non-dairy diet but was apparently worth it, followed by the filetto di Oppoglosso dell Alaska al forno servito con purea di ceci e bietola (aka baked Alaskan halibut filet served on a bed of chard and garbanzo beans puree).

A classy Italian restaurant that I'll no doubt return to very soon, for the food and to flaunt the missus.

RAVE - The Next 3 Days

An ultra-slow first half didn't bode well for Russel Crowe's latest shabby chic performance in The Next 3 Days.

His wife is arrested for allegedly murdering her boss, and she spends 3 years in jail before Crowe realizes she's never getting out. He therefore sets about doing what any decent husband would do in the same position, planning a robbery to raise the money for their life on the run, and then plotting her jailbreak.

For a school teacher he does an excellent job of procuring a gun, false passports and drivers license, holding up a gang of drug dealers and stealing tons o' loot.

The second half - the heist, the breakout and the escape - are really absorbing, and without totally giving it all away, his not-at-all-school-teacher-ish planning and execution are really put to the test.

An exciting movie, and well worth circling the parking garage for 20 minutes trying to find a space on the busiest shopping day of the year.

I don't know if the fact that both our wives are in other countries this week - Beverley is in Tenerife and Pavey is in England - made me think about how far I'd go to spring my better half. And yes, I'd blow up a Meth Lab for her.

You can't say fairer than that can you?

RANT - Bay Area Weather Forecaster... er, Guessers

I know San Francisco and its environs boast a number of micro-climates, and I know we've got El Nino (or is it El Nina?) affecting weather conditions this season. I also know that American forecasters love to describe every bit of rain or snow a "storm". 

I also know local weather forecasters are about as good as Stevie Wonder when it comes to watching the developing systems, sticking their fingers in the air, and making wild guesses about what's going to happen with tomorrow's weather.

But - and this is a shorts and tee-shirt clad interjection - I've just been out in what yesterday's forecast said would be "coldest weather of the season" and it was positively Mediterranean.

Here's what the local (and national) buffoons said just yesterday (Tuesday) ....

"A cold Arctic air mass is expected to arrive in the Bay Area with near-freezing or freezing temperatures likely Tuesday night and over the next few days.

The National Weather Service says the cold front will bring the coldest weather of the season and could bring record low temperatures throughout the Bay Area. Light snow is possible down to 1,500 feet.

The storm should dust Mount Hamilton with some snow as well, according to Steve Anderson, a forecaster with the National Weather Service." 

A freeze watch is in effect for the San Francisco Bay shoreline, the East Bay's inland valleys, the North Bay's valleys and mountains and Santa Clara Valley.

Forecasters say the coldest temperatures will be Tuesday night through Thursday but that conditions will remain chilly.

Once the storm system clears out, the South Bay will experience some chilly conditions, with overnight lows dropping as low as 33 degrees, according to the weather service. On Thanksgiving Day, sunny skies with a high of 54 is expected".

Right now (Wednesday mid-day) it's looking like the weather forecast is a fictional work of Oprah Book Club proportions.

Here's hoping I don't have to eat these words, seeing as I'm off to the airport to pick up Lawrence, who is arriving from the UK for a week of golf and alcoholic mayhem.

RANT - The real soccer hooligans

In what appears to be a concerted effort by European soccer players to prove they're not wusses, and instead just as nasty as Mike Tyson, a number of "players" have recently been banned for ridiculously offensive actions.

Ajax captain Luis Suarez has accepted a seven-match ban for biting PSV Eindhoven midfielder Otman Bakkal's shoulder in Saturday's 0-0 league draw. Suarez commented: "No, I do not regret what happened. Normally I always keep calm but I didn't. I'm a little tired. This week I had to travel a lot". The photo shows just how "tired" Suarez was.

Meanwhile, Inter Milan striker Samuel Eto'o has been banned for three Serie A matches for headbutting defender Cesar in the chest during Chievo's 2-1 win on Sunday. The loss of the Cameroonian, who has also been fined €30,000 ($41,180), is a big blow to stuttering Inter who are also struggling with injuries.

This comes on the heels of World Cup "action" like a dangerous kick in the chest by the Dutch player Nigel de Jong. Spain’s Xabi Alonso got a possibly permanent reminder of the World Cup 2010 final when Netherlands’ Nigel de Jong kicked him in the chest during the first half. De Jong somehow got only a yellow card for this, plus a meeting with Jaden Smith about the Karate Kid sequel.

RANT - White Ribbon

This was a tough movie to watch, mainly because of its weight, and the unremitting miserableness of the whole thing.

All events center on a small village in the north of Germany in 1913, just before the outbreak of the Great War.

It starts with a doctor falling from his horse, tripped by a wire strung across a path he rides daily, and goes downhill from there. He doesn't ride downhill daily, the movie goes downh... oh, I give up!

Everyone is pretty horrible to everyone else. There's no love shown to anyone, by anyone. Parents are very strict with their children and, as ritual punishment, tie white ribbons in their hair or around their arms, to remind the kids of the purity and innocence they were lacking.

At some points, it seems the children of the village are possessed - bereft of character or personality, but maybe that's the way it was in early 1900s Europe, and Germany in particular.

Someone scythes down the Baroness's cabbage patch after the harvest festival, because he believed the Baron's mill caused the death of his mother. The incident was treated like an assassination.

Then the Baron's son was tied up and beaten with canes, assailants unknown.

A barn burned down, again, culprit(s) unknown.

The village pastor was the nastiest piece of work imaginable, fond of publicly humiliating the children by calling out their shortcomings in front of their friends and classmates, and leading the ribbon-tying punishment.

The village doctor is cruel to all, belittling his wife and abusing his daughter.

The Baroness tells the Baron why she's leaving him, taking their kids with her. "I don't want the children to grow in this atmosphere of malice, apathy, envy and brutality."

All in all, it's a meandering tale of poor village drudgery, with the residents and their story apparently going nowhere.

All of the things that directors usually do in a film, to make that film interesting, exciting, rewarding, approachable, Michael Haneke studiously avoids. That is unforgivable, Herr Haneke.

Apparently this film is intended to provide some clues as to why Germany descended into fascism, but for me it just explained why there are no famous German comedians.

REVIEW - Frozen

I had such low expectations for this ... 3 students get stranded overnight on a ski lift ... frostbite and wolves ensue ... that perhaps all it could so was turn out better than those expectations.

But it was done pretty darned well, and getting stranded on a ski lift used to be one of my recurring nightmares. Perhaps "nightmare" is the wrong word, seeing as most of these negative thoughts were endured in broad daylight, usually when riding a ski lift on my own.

You might wonder how it's possible to get stranded on a ski lift for more than a few minutes, but the movie showed, albeit fictitiously, just how easy it can happen (especially when one considers the airheads operating most ski-lifts).

Despite my net positives about the film, a few things didn't work ...

First of all, how likely is it that 3 students would be on a ski lift with no cell-phone between them?

Second, I'm no David Attenborough, but I wouldn't expect to see one, let alone a whole pack of wolves, in north-eastern USA (not even as far north as Canada).

The same dipstick mentality that causes people to go off on their own in a horror movie, without turning the lights on, prevails here. The girl falls asleep on the lift with one hand un-gloved and not in her pocket, her ski jacket undone and unzipped at the top, and her ski hood not properly wrapped around her face. Surprise, surprise, she wakes up with frost-bite.

Hey, it sounds like I hated it, but in fact it was a departure from the girl trapped in an elevator / parking garage / attic / basement with a deranged guy banging on the door and cackling.

Now that I've spoiled it with the frostbite 'n wolves revelation, see it. If there's one lesson you'll learn, other than "wrap up warm if you're planning on spending the night on a ski lift", it's "don't spend that night with a screamer".

RAVE - Russell Peters at HP Pavilion, San Jose

Having seen this Canadian-born-Indian comedian a couple of times before, it;s interesting to note the development in his act and humor.

When we first saw Peters at a 500-seat theater in the Mission district in San Francisco, the audience was almost totally Indian - i.e. from India, or their sons and daughters born in the USA. Consequently, his material was mostly observations on, and stories about Hindu, Punjabi, Gujarati, and other groups within, or from India. It meant you had to be Indian, or like me, married to someone from an Indian family, to completely and totally "get it".

Now, putting it that way somewhat plays down his effect. His act is scream-out-loud funny, and even with the limited exposure I've had to Mrs. Page's family, I can appreciate the extremes - the slapstick and the subtleties, the family archetypes, the ethnic mannerisms.

Two years ago we saw Peters at another small-ish show, this time at Cobbs Comedy Club here in San Francisco. The audience was a wider selection of "foreigners", not just Indians. Peters showed the same connection with Puerto Ricans, Mexicans, Caribbeans, and Filipinos. He clearly understood their idiosyncrasies, their foibles and their linguistic individualities. And he was still hugely funny.

This past Sunday we saw him again at a 10,000+ seat event, where the audience represented pretty much every nationality on the planet. We know this because Peters works his way along the front few rows, engaging with people to find out where they're from, and using their answers to spark other racial and language merriment. Not only were there all the usual suspects, but also Koreans, Lebanese, Kuwaitis, Irish (yes, you're ethnic too), Iranians / Persians, Syrians AND Assyrians, Trinidadians, and a few white people aside from the Irish and me.

Truth be told, I prefer him focusing on India, because her ladyship laughs loudest at that stuff.

RANT - The Day After

Not to be confused with the trashy Day After Tomorrow, which is about global warming, this is another oldie but still desperately important movie I've streamed this week.

Made in 1983, when the USA and Russia were still staring at each other through periscopes (i.e. pre-Google Earth), this was a shocking warning about the danger of nuclear war that is still shocking and relevant today.

The movie ends with this portentous statement:

"The catastrophic events you have just witnessed are, in all likelihood, less severe than the destruction that would actually occur in the event of a full nuclear strike against the United States.

It is hoped that the images of this film will inspire the nations of this earth, their peoples and leaders, to find the means to avert the fateful day".

I know this sounds way too serious for this blog, but nearly 30 years later we seem to have learned nothing, and continue to flaunt danger from North Korea, Taliban-infested Pakistan, newly-nuke-packing Iran, and perhaps many others.

I think I'll watch a Disney movie now.

RAVE - The Girl Who Played With Fire

Second in the "Girl who .." series, after Ms Dragon Tattoo, and possibly an even better story and movie.

Unlike Dragon Tattoo, this one's not particularly centered on journalist and only semi-professional investigator Mikael Blomkvist. And unlike Hollywood, it concentrates on the story, not just the 'star'.

The main storyline is simple, focusing on how Lisbeth Sander is implicated in a murder, and she and Blomkvist try to un-implicate her while tracking down the real culprit. That story is peeled back like the layers of an onion, and at a perfect pace.

Strange that old bearded guy was helpless, being spoon fed his dinner, yet later he was up and about, gesticulating with his formerly useless hands.

As I wondered after seeing Girl with a Dragon Tattoo .... how will Daniel Craig work out as Blomkvist in the Hollywood version (currently being filmed, mostly in Sweden) coming up in 2011?

RAVE - Becket

There's not a whole lot of value reviewing a 46 year old movie (that was back when they announced proudly that it was shot in Panavision Technicolor), except that this story is pivotal to most of our lives.

In 1066, the pesky Normans defeated the Saxons at Rorke's Drift, er, no, it was Hastings. 100 years later, the tables were turned and Henry II was back marauding in France.

Henry promoted his closest friend, Thomas Becket, first of all to Chancellor, and then to Archbishop of Canterbury.

The dialog is razor-sharp, crisp and clear and doesn't sound like Medieval European or 60s London. It's easy to follow, and worth following too. 

Americans - even Tea Partyists - would do well to see how the precarious balance between Church and State was maintained by Thomas Becket, even though it eventually led to his murder.

I've said it before, many times and without the debilitating effect of alcohol, my favorite movies are those that tell stories about, and shed light on real history, even if this light was first shed 46 years ago.

Anyhow, see Becket. It's available through Netflix (I streamed it today), and should be in any classic DVD collection.

RANT - Shadow

Hardly worth a mention, and I'm only doing this to warn off others who may stray too close to this piece of dreck.

With a Rambo-ish plot - soldier on leave from Iraq goes mountain biking in the Italian hills, runs foul of local hunters, and shows them who's boss - the film veers off halfway through when the rivals are caught and tortured by an emaciated Nazi throwback with a mountain lab and the unlikely name of Mortis.

It fails as a thriller, a horror movie, and even a travelogue, seeing as the Italian hills are mostly misty and damp.

First time director is an Italian pop star (Federico Zampaglione), and on this performance he should stick to, er, hold on.  Bad as it is, this is probably better than Italian pop music.

RAVE - Fair Game

There are a number of things that make this such a riveting film.

First, it covers a subject of huge importance - whether or not the US government lied in order to justify invading Iraq. 

Second - it covers events we all remember vividly, the outing of Valerie Plame as a CIA agent, as a spiteful act by Dick Cheney and Karl Rove's lackeys in retaliation for her husband Joe Wilson's returning from Niger with the truth - that no nuclear materials had been sold to Iraq - rather than the lie the government wanted to perpetrate in order to justify starting a war.

Third, the movie uses real names - no hiding the identity of major players like Scooter Libby, fatty Rove, and many other CIA and government low-lives.

This episode is way more serious, and has been much more destructive, than similar government shenanigans like Watergate and all the other 'gates. 

The recent nature of these events cuts both ways. It means we can relate to them more closely than, say, events like Watergate, but it also means we might need a few more years to see if the full truth comes out and the real culprits are properly punished.

REVIEW - Conviction

If this had been a fictional story, no-one would've believed it.

Covering the years 1980 to 2001, Hilary Swank plays the sister of a guy who is arrested (she believes wrongly) for the brutal murder of a neighbor. 

Sam Rockwell is found guilty and gets a life sentence.  

His sister spends the next 18 years earning her GED, then her bachelor's, a master's in education, and eventually a law degree. 

She did all this while raising two boys alone and working as a waitress part-time. While in law school she began investigating her brother's case.

You know it's got to have a happy ending, but what a grueling time is spent getting there. What could have been an exciting, dramatic Erin Brockovich type of story, ends up being drier than a bag of flour.

REVIEW - 2 Door Cinema Club, at Slims

If I'm doing something that I know I'll review on this blog - whether it's eating at a new restaurant, watching a movie, or attending a show - I often write the review in my head very early on. 

F'rinstance, last night, after their first 3 songs, I was ready to write a glowing review, a RAVE. 

Those first 3 songs, while not exactly a revelation (I'd listened to them on YouTube earlier in the day) showed this band can not only write great songs, but play them with gusto too.

But then the restaurant equivalent of getting the main course and finding it was bland caused me to stop writing that rave review in my head.

Vocalist Alex Trimble, even if he's not in possession of a rock star's name, has a distinct voice. The trouble is, it's not particularly varied or exciting, and the same traits beset the other band members. An interesting sound for 15 minutes, but not worthy of an evening in a sold out sauna. It was unbelievably hot at Slims last night, and crowded.

All night long I was trying to think who it was they sounded like. Early on I thought "Postal Service, with added weight", but I was unhappy with that analogy. When I plugged their name into Pandora, the music genome magic answered my question with "Phoenix".

Coincidentally, the way I first found out about 2 Door Cinema Club was in a British music rag 18 months ago, which predicted 2010's big prospects as MGMT, Phoenix and 2 Door Cinema Club, among others.

A ton of other people must've read the same article, or have equally reliable sources, because not only was Slims packed to the rafters, but everyone knew the words to half their songs.

It was just a shame those songs weren't more diverse.